Self-Hate, Self-love, self esteem?

Code Hero

Code Hero

Fapstronaut
Does anyone have any good resources for self hate? Or do you have a good story that you can send my way about overcoming hating oneself, particularly for not being found worth it by an amazing woman?

I've noticed that I fall into a loop of getting overwhelmed with stress (I'm studying for the biggest test of my life upon which hangs my career and a woman I dated that decided I wasn't worth it continues to post photos with the new boyfriend on social media). I turn to PMO, get mad at myself, start studying again, get overwhelmed, see a photo of her perfect day at the beach eating ice cream with her perfect man, PMO, study again, get distracted, go for a run, feel guilty for not studying enough for the day, and start it all over. I want to break this loop.

I know that exercise is good. I work out quite frequently; sometimes overdoing it because I am mad at myself. I eat fairly healthy. I've tried meditation but I feel like I am wasting precious time when I do. PMO is my addiction and my vice, and it isn't helping me get through this. I am secular, although I appreciate the kind words from those of you with faith.

What do you all think?
 
Disconnect from your ex’s social media account. Stop looking at it for good. FB even has a “take a break” function if you’re not ready to cut ties all together. Seeing her is upsetting you and triggering behaviors you are interested in avoiding; remove the contact, remove the trigger.

Then do something you wanted to do when you were with her but couldn’t because you were with her. Travel, join a gym, go hiking, whatever.

Also, make sure you are using positive self talk as frequently as possible. Rather than, “I feel guilty for not studying enough”, say to yourself, “I’m glad I took some time to take care of my body by running, which will help improve the health of my mind. And now it’s back to studying.”
 
SpiritVessel said:
Disconnect from your ex’s social media account. Stop looking at it for good. FB even has a “take a break” function if you’re not ready to cut ties all together. Seeing her is upsetting you and triggering behaviors you are interested in avoiding; remove the contact, remove the trigger.

Then do something you wanted to do when you were with her but couldn’t because you were with her. Travel, join a gym, go hiking, whatever.

Also, make sure you are using positive self talk as frequently as possible. Rather than, “I feel guilty for not studying enough”, say to yourself, “I’m glad I took some time to take care of my body by running, which will help improve the health of my mind. And now it’s back to studying.”
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I second this.

Ditch social media, get busy, and focus on the positive things in your life.

Another thing that helped me was to re-frame my negative emotion. Shame, guilt, loss; none of these things are punishments, they are your mind giving you direction. Hone in on those feelings and allow them to guide you to the better you!

I felt a lot of pain over past relationships too; but after re-framing them, things from 5 or 6 years ago that once stung have become learning experiences from which I can evolve.

I also found the new boyfriend thing hard; it was actually the motivator for me to leave social media; but instead of mourning their relationship, use the opportunity, not to hate either of them, but to learn from him. I should add, that this is not about winning her back! If the guy has multiple problematic traits then don't try to emulate those either, but often our exes subsequent partners highlight negative aspects of ourselves which we can take away and work on.

For example, both of my exes new partners share the same two positive features, they are extremely positive people and both are very physically fit; that gives me two sources of positive growth to focus on going into the future. And neither of these goals are going to be achieved through self-pity or PMO!

Hope this helps!
 
Code Hero said:
Does anyone have any good resources for self hate? Or do you have a good story that you can send my way about overcoming hating oneself, particularly for not being found worth it by an amazing woman
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A friend of mine who's about 6 years older than me said this regarding women "I wish I knew what I knew now when I was 19-20"

I've had long term gfs. I've had one night stands. I've had dates that I thought were going no where turn into motel sex. I've had girls on dates blow me in the back of my car... All these things fade in reflection. Everytime you look back on them they become less significant. They don't make you happy.
It frustrates me that men define their happiness by the woman they're with.
A loser with a gf is still a loser. I've said this before "having someone sit next to you won't make you happy"
Focus on you. Have a life. Have your own life. Have your own place, your own car, have a job. Have friends.
You guys think you aren't worth it because you don't have a gf.
A friend of mine has all those things. He's at the point where he's saying "I have a great job, a nice place a nice car and a good life.... What does she bring to the table? She thinks I'm gonna sit there and watch tv with her to keep her company? Fuck that"
Grow a pair boys. Worry about you. Not 'her'.
 
You hate yourself because you got no self esteem.

Your self esteem was tied into what this girl thought about you.

Now shes with another guy and you hate yourself.
 
1) Un-follow this lady (you don't have to unfriend on Facebook, just go to her profile and click "un-follow") so you won't torture yourself with her postings.

2) The woman is probably a very lovely lady, but she is not a unicorn. She is a human being who found love elsewhere. If you really love her, practice feeling compersion for her. Be happy that the woman you love is happy, even when it's not with you.

3) Your self-worth has nothing to do with other people. It has everything to do with how you view yourself. Stop trying to get other people to fix your issues, and start becoming your own best friend. Cut yourself some slack and show yourself the same kind of patience and compassion you would your best friend.

4) Until you start loving yourself, don't expect or demand anyone else to do so. If you can't think positively about yourself, why should anyone else? If you can't respect yourself, why should anyone else respect you? If you can't love yourself, how can anyone else be inspired to love you? Start living like a high value person, and you'll attract others of the same mindset. Come at the world from a low value point, and that is also what you will attract.

5) Again, your self-worth has nothing to do with external matters. It's all an attitude you cultivate within yourself. Try looking into non-attachment on Youtube and exercises in raising your self-worth.

Good luck!
 
Hitto said:
No I don’t think so it’s just a harsh truth that the op needs to hear
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But he's just letting the op what's wrong with him, not offering any solution. Pretty sure op knows there something wrong with him without even reading the post.
 
Wave Surfer said:
But he's just letting the op what's wrong with him, not offering any solution. Pretty sure op knows there something wrong with him without even reading the post.
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That’s how interpreted it lol I’m not assuming how the op feels about the statement
 
Hitto said:
That’s how interpreted it lol I’m not assuming how the op feels about the statement
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The whole post from him reminds of some of those bad Jordan Peterson video clips where he tells someone they're a mess but never tells them how to get out of the mess.
 
Wave Surfer said:
The whole post from him reminds of some of those bad Jordan Peterson video clips where he tells someone they're a mess but never tells them how to get out of the mess.
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We are all messes and imperfect we can get the advice from everybody else on what is working for them but ultimately we must get out the mess ourselves others are to help but we need to help ourselves first I don’t aspect people to give great advice every time but most do and the ones who don’t that’s ok too
 
hey,
Its been said already but ill word it a little differently,
You dont want to be at the bottom of the social media funnel having all this garbage rolling into youre brain,guard yourself from it,its so natrual to go banannas from what you mentioned.

Personnley i saved all of my pictures since 2011 and wrote down all my 1000 friends names incase i felt i was missing out on something and closed the damn FB account of so many years,i gotta say life has been more in the moment ever since.....
My friend im sorry for youre pain....may you find peace and serenity aman!

Love ykz
 
The problem isn't the new boyfriend. The problem is that you believe that his good fortune takes away from your own possibilities for happiness. The problem is you believe that this woman's interests and decisions determines the fate of your entire life and your whole worth as a person. The problem is you want to own and control this woman's life to fit your concept of how things are supposed to be.

Your obsession with control is what's making you lose control. The world and other people doesn't work in your favor just because you want it to. The belief that everything in life should work out for you and that everyone should be interested in you is what's causing you grief. Because reality doesn't work like that. That's like if I believed gravity didn't exist, but I keep hurting myself every time I fall down a flight of stairs while wondering "why does this keep happening to me? and saying "unless I'm able to float safely down the stairs I'm not worthy as a person."

Go down a busy street, spin around, and point at someone. Ask that person if you're a worthy person. That's what you're doing.
 
Code Hero said:
Does anyone have any good resources for self hate? Or do you have a good story that you can send my way about overcoming hating oneself, particularly for not being found worth it by an amazing woman?

I've noticed that I fall into a loop of getting overwhelmed with stress (I'm studying for the biggest test of my life upon which hangs my career and a woman I dated that decided I wasn't worth it continues to post photos with the new boyfriend on social media). I turn to PMO, get mad at myself, start studying again, get overwhelmed, see a photo of her perfect day at the beach eating ice cream with her perfect man, PMO, study again, get distracted, go for a run, feel guilty for not studying enough for the day, and start it all over. I want to break this loop.

I know that exercise is good. I work out quite frequently; sometimes overdoing it because I am mad at myself. I eat fairly healthy. I've tried meditation but I feel like I am wasting precious time when I do. PMO is my addiction and my vice, and it isn't helping me get through this. I am secular, although I appreciate the kind words from those of you with faith.

What do you all think?
Click to expand...
SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENGE.
WWWDOTmasculinedevelopmentDOTCOMSLASHwhy-success-is-the-best-revenge-and-how-to-get-it
Read this.
(Correct those caps into symbols).
 
elevate said:
The problem isn't the new boyfriend. The problem is that you believe that his good fortune takes away from your own possibilities for happiness. The problem is you believe that this woman's interests and decisions determines the fate of your entire life and your whole worth as a person. The problem is you want to own and control this woman's life to fit your concept of how things are supposed to be.

Your obsession with control is what's making you lose control. The world and other people doesn't work in your favor just because you want it to. The belief that everything in life should work out for you and that everyone should be interested in you is what's causing you grief. Because reality doesn't work like that. That's like if I believed gravity didn't exist, but I keep hurting myself every time I fall down a flight of stairs while wondering "why does this keep happening to me? and saying "unless I'm able to float safely down the stairs I'm not worthy as a person."

Go down a busy street, spin around, and point at someone. Ask that person if you're a worthy person. That's what you're doing.
Click to expand...

Amazing post !
 
AlphaReborn said:
SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENGE.
WWWDOTmasculinedevelopmentDOTCOMSLASHwhy-success-is-the-best-revenge-and-how-to-get-it
Read this.
(Correct those caps into symbols).
Click to expand...

OP, DO NOT fall into the bullsh*t EGO TRAP this man is trying to promote and set. There is PLENTY of great advice to choose from in this thread already. Competing, especially when competition is unnecessary, is a waste o precious energy — energy that you can be channeled into making your life more centered around self-love and appreciation.

TRIGGER WARNING: For those of you that may visit the website this guy posted, there are tits and ass in several of the adverts on this shady ass website.
 
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