Self Improvement Log, Part II

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Hello guys!

In my previous Journal I started to implement some great Habits. I also wrote a lot of my personal stuff and really used it as a diary.

In the view of data protection and privacy I got doubts about being so open online (even though we have Anonyms). Besides that, I disliked the amount of Screen time and that I couldn't use the real names of the People I mentioned.

With this in mind I deleted my previous Journal from this site (I printed it out though to Keep it)

Yet I also like the community and I really got some wonderful insights I would never got somewhere else. In a way, the ideas on this Forum changed who I am going to be and I am happy and glad about that.

So I don't want to loose you guys completely! So I will try to track my Progress but keep the more intimate and personal stuff to my offline journal on paper.
In Addition to that it Keeps me more accountable than a completly private Journal.
 
Stand up with the first alarm everyday and make the bed (85/89)
Was hard today as I messed up my sleep circle a bit. Back on track now hopefully.

Meditate dedicated 10 min every day (85/102)
Did not meditate yesterday and have to force myself to do it now. I somehow have lost the will to do it, even if I think that it is good for me. Or maybe I have some doubts that it really is so good?

take a refreshing shower(98/103)
Yesterday I took a hot shower. It showed me how bad those are, my Skin was really dry afterwards.
Today I didn't had the opportunity to shower.

Stop reality escaping activities (99/108)
Watched too much 9gag today!

Stop Porn and Subs! (99/108)
While I was at 9gag I simply wanted to look at beautiful women. My mind switched off again and I thought there are no bad consequences when I do it. So I scrolled through some nudes and then switched to a P-Site. There I watched probably 10-15 thumbnails and finally turned it off.

Sweets only on uneven days and before 18:00. Only allowed to buy 'single-sized' sweets! (47/53)
Made it. Had incredible cravings yesterday and almost gave in. Today was fine again, even though I would have been allowed to.


So you see, I failed on quite some Tasks today. In Addition to that I was really unproductive. So I hope with this thread I can Keep my privacy concerns at bay and still have a form of accountability.
 
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Hey guys, I PMO'ed today again. So know this is my second day in a row where I used Porn. Plus side on this is that I didn't MO'ed multiple times a day, so I didn't had a binge.
Yet it is still negative in the light of NoFap. I think I have the Problem that I don't really know why I do it - why I abstain from PMO. My motiviation seems to be gone. Maybe I just need a break again from that improvement mindset, which was the case previously aswell.
In order to solve that I will use my day to find it out - I will meditate on Feelings, have a lot of time writing and so on. Maybe I come to a conclusion.

In order to do this I will make 2 days (today and tomorrow) a break from my Habits. So the main Thing will be Sweets today, I am going to eat some. Hopefully I won't use reality escaping stuff as I should use my time rather to get my stuff together.

I am not really sure why I really want to take those two days off, I think this sounds even to me as an excuse in order to do unhealthy stuff.
 
Update for the last three days:

Stand up with the first alarm everyday and make the bed (88/92)
Done three days in a row! that's getting really good!

Meditate dedicated 10 min every day (85/105)
Did not meditated a single time in those 3 days. I have to evaluate if I really want it, because apperantly I have a motivition problem with that.

take a refreshing shower(101/106)
This is going wonderful aswell, there is no more problem with it.

Stop reality escaping activities (102/111)
Perfect 3 out of 3! This is one of the most improtant things to keep on doing for me!

Stop Porn and Subs! (101/111)
I was relapsing heavy on Saturday, multiple times and binging. So that was really not good. I felt like complete shit and I noticed how that affected me. I have noticed the effects even up to now, even though it get's better now. I am looking forward to reach the 4th or 5th day again, that's when things start to feel good again!
Now I am back on track it seems, it was easy for the last two days. My libido is still very low, which makes it easier to NoFap, but harder to feel good.

I am installing a counter again, as now my goal is to not Masturbate aswell to an extend.

Sweets only on uneven days and before 18:00. Only allowed to buy 'single-sized' sweets! (49/56)
Gave in to the cravings on Saturday, but made it well on the other two days. And on Saturday I didn't ate a lot. Neither on Sunday (only 1 Icecream) even though more would have been allowed.
 
Update for the last four days:

Stand up with the first alarm everyday and make the bed (92/96)
I am already at 14 days in a row! (Considering that sometimes I don't set my alarm and it counts as positive aswell)

Meditate dedicated 10 min every day (86/109)
Finally meditated today again, it was a very good experience! (Did not do it on the other three days)

take a refreshing shower(105/110)
Easy :D

Stop reality escaping activities (99/115)
Started to watch LOTR, so three days with roughly 3 or more hours of TV (and additionally 9gag!) in a row! But today I come clean again.

Stop Porn and Subs! (105/115)
6 days in a row :D All green! Had strong urges to go for nude substitutes - but made it!

Sweets only on uneven days and before 18:00. Only allowed to buy 'single-sized' sweets! (53/60)
Nice!
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So it is going pretty neat with a lot of habits. Of course, the reality escaping activities habit was a fail, sure, but I keep at it! And of course meditation is something I should be more consistent.

But I am pretty happy that other habits, important habits are working really well!
 
Stand up with the first alarm everyday and make the bed (94/98)
Haven't set an alarm so it wasn't difficult. I am still weighing my options about when to stand up. I somehow like getting up early, but that would hinder me to have lots of social meeting in the evening (as those usually last to 11-12 o'clock minimum, so I would get too little sleep)

Meditate dedicated 10 min every day (88/111)
Finally green for two days. Yesterday I meditated in a park, which was amazing.

take a refreshing shower(107/112)
Easy :D

Stop reality escaping activities (101/117)
Made it for two days straight again! Didn't used it much yesterday (where it would have been allowed) aswell. So overall really good. I urged a lot to distract my mind today but I realized what it does to me and I stayed strong - luckily! That's how I got a lot of insights today.

Stop Porn and Subs! (107/117)
Very good! I started to get really horny as my streak got longer but - and that's amazing - I don't have urges to watch Porn or masturbate! All I want is the feeling of a woman, and if I can't have that at the moment I won't need anything else!

Sweets only on uneven days and before 18:00. Only allowed to buy 'single-sized' sweets! (55/62)
Nice!
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Aaaaaalll Green!! Amazing & wonderful!
 
MO'ed today in the morning, which is ok. It was a good release and I feel fine now. Of course it is ironical but also interesting that only 12 hours ago I wrote that I don't have any urges to masturbate at all. But that's how it goes.
As you might know me I don't focus on trying to get the longest possible streak. Stopping Porn and Porn substititues is a main gaol, and recently it became clearer that I have/had problems with MOing aswell - Wenn I MO'd, I binged and did it a lot of times in a row, making me feel torn inside and unwell in general, anxious and shaky.

So my two biggest goals are: No Porn or Porn Subs & Not more than 1 time MO'ing every two days.
Of course, I realized how good I feel especially after 4 to 5 days after abstaining. So ideally I will go longer than those two days, but I will first fight the 'binging-habit' of mine and then move on.

So I will have a rule update, starting now, Stop Porn and Subs; Masturbation at most every second day!
 
Update excluding today, meaning 3 days.

Stand up with the first alarm everyday and make the bed (97/101)
I am thinking about adding something: Stand up, make bed and go for a shower immediately. Not sure though, as for one I like my showers in the evening and it is really cold in the morning. But I would hope for more energy in the morning if I would do it.

Meditate dedicated 10 min every day (89/114)
only once in three days. I am so torn inside - on the one hand it would only take ten minutes, on the other I somehow don't feel like doing it.

take a refreshing shower(110/115)

Stop reality escaping activities (102/120)
Was doing really good yesterday but then when I got tired in the evening I opened 9gag. And spent 1 hour on it!! Felt unwell afterwards.
So only made it on 1 of 3 days, as I used it to much on monday aswell.

Stop Porn and Subs; Masturbation at most every second day! (110/120)
Very good again! So as I said I masturbated on Monday. I had a lot of urges the rest of the day and until now aswell (still have). But today I woke up with the 'good urges', where I am just very sensitive and feel wonderful. I love that!
I am especially proud of myself that I did stayed true to myself and not binged on monday and stayed away from MO aswell. I will see how I continue now.

Sweets only on uneven days and before 18:00. Only allowed to buy 'single-sized' sweets! (58/65)
Very good! I feel like that's the way. On the other hand I craved for some chocolate today - I am thinking of buying one bar (Which would actually break the 'single-size' rule) but only eat one piece every second day.

And another thing: A 'single-sized' serving you can buy in the supermarket (for example a sneackers) is 50g! That's already half a chocolate bar - which sounds crazy and much too much for one serving!
-----------------------------------------
All in all some good days. Meditating doesn't seem so bad to me that I missed it. The worse thing is 'reality-escaping activities', as this has really influenced my life in the past a lot and I can't allow it to come back. But all in all that is great progress aswell, as now I am counting 1hour of 9gag as a bad day, where previously 1hour would have been little!!
So it is a great progress over the last 4 months - just imagine what could be possible in one year! Or 2 years! It's amazing to think how much one could improve over a long period of time.
 
Guys you know what, a thought started to grow in my head:

Abstinence (or fasting) is beneficial for our soul!

With abstinence I don't mean abstaining from Sex and Orgasm though, this is a bit of a language problem. I mean it more general, not only sex, but anything really. Like fasting. You deliberately, out of your own free will, hold yourself away from certain physical pleasures - may it be porn, may it be MOing, Sweets, Alcohol, Meat, food in general, anything really.

With this in mind I will make three challenges: In addition to my habits, I will, from today on abstain completely for 20 days from:
  • Masturbation (Porn and P-Subs is off the list thanks to my habits already)
  • Sweets (allowed is only a bit of jam in the morning)
  • 9gag, Gaming, Movies (alone)
I think 9gag will be the hardest one straight away, and Masturbation will become pretty hard after day 5.

Excited how it will go, as I usually had made 'easy' approaches. Maybe now that I see I can do it on easy-mode I can try and succeed on a harder mode.
 
Stand up with the first alarm everyday and make the bed (99/103)
I am thinking about adding something: Stand up, make bed and go for a shower immediately. Not sure though, as for one I like my showers in the evening and it is really cold in the morning. But I would hope for more energy in the morning if I would do it.

Meditate dedicated 10 min every day (90/116)
Haven't meditated yesterday, but today. Today was quite amazing, I tried sort of to meditate in my genital area (as I heard someone talking about those esoterical 'chakras', and I was really sensitive down there) and it felt amazing. It felt like there is a creative power behind comprehension rising from it. Ok maybe I exaggerated, but hey ;D

take a refreshing shower(112/117)

Stop reality escaping activities (104/122)
Going good again. I love having the times where I would usually browse 9gag and now I am aware of the urge, but simply lie down and to nothing but thinking. Pretty cool

Stop Porn and Subs; Masturbation at most every second day! (112/122)
Very sensitve down there, but feels amazing. I have that feeling again where I have urges, but only urges for sex - not for masturbation!

Sweets only on uneven days and before 18:00. Only allowed to buy 'single-sized' sweets! (60/67)
No sweets the last two days! :D
-----------------------------------------
So challenge is up and working. Day 2 completed! Decided to make it to 21 days, as that is three weeks and three things I want to avoid.
 
All counters green!

day 3 completed in the challenge now!

I do feel a bit like I cheated though, as I have been constantly on NoFap. But there are worse things in life.
 
So guys I relapsed. And this time it is more of an relapse then a reset, as I masturbated twice to porn in two hours. Ok so this have been 6 MO free days and 15 P free days. Pretty good actually.

What I don't like is that I hoped I would be stronger against the chaser. I hoped I would only MO once and then stop. This would be the biggest accomplishment for me, if I could install a 10days circle of MOing once.

But well... So up again! I think that counting days really made it harder. Why did I relapse? Triggers, obviously. What triggered me? Ironically, installing content blockers haha. So I was thinking of the 'one last time before I totally quit'. Well fuck.

But on the bright side, I now have ColdTurkey on my PC and I can't switch on porn (and distractions such as 9gag,...) until Dec. 31. And on my phone I have BlockSite. So my phone blocks now Youtube, 9gag and NoFap (as it became a problem lately) and of course Porn. Indefinitely, as I set up a password I don't remember anymore!

So day Zero for NoPMO - In order to be in order with my other challenges I now say I won't PMO or MO untill the end of my other challenges (so 17 days left, which would funilly enough equal my longest previous streak).

17 days should be doable!
 
But on the other hand all things green!

Stand up with the first alarm everyday and make the bed (101/105)
I am thinking about adding something: Stand up, make bed and go for a shower immediately. Not sure though, as for one I like my showers in the evening and it is really cold in the morning. But I would hope for more energy in the morning if I would do it.

Meditate dedicated 10 min every day (92/118)
Haven't meditated yesterday, but today. Today was quite amazing, I tried sort of to meditate in my genital area (as I heard someone talking about those esoterical 'chakras', and I was really sensitive down there) and it felt amazing. It felt like there is a creative power behind comprehension rising from it. Ok maybe I exaggerated, but hey ;D

take a refreshing shower(114/119)

Stop reality escaping activities (106/124)
Going good again. I love having the times where I would usually browse 9gag and now I am aware of the urge, but simply lie down and to nothing but thinking. Pretty cool

Stop Porn and Subs; Masturbation at most every second day! (113/124)
Very sensitve down there, but feels amazing. I have that feeling again where I have urges, but only urges for sex - not for masturbation!

Sweets only on uneven days and before 18:00. Only allowed to buy 'single-sized' sweets! (62/69)
No sweets the last two days! :D
-----------------------------------------
Day 4 of the challenge completet!
 
Including today (even though today is not over but I am sure I will do the right things)

Stand up with the first alarm everyday and make the bed (103/107)
Going very good, especially as I set an early alarm the past 2 days and immediatelly got up and started to study!

Meditate dedicated 10 min every day (94/120)
Amazing times of meditations - again. It feels so false that I was often not doing it out of lazyness, even though it is so amazing.

take a refreshing shower(116/121)

Stop reality escaping activities (108/126)
Going very good, I installed content blockers on phone and laptop which help a lot! (ColdTurkey for PC, BlockSite for Android)

Stop Porn and Subs; Masturbation at most every second day! (115/126)
back on track now, but I do have some desire for porn again. It feels like I would "miss out". Isn't that wierd? Miss out on what?

Sweets only on uneven days and before 18:00. Only allowed to buy 'single-sized' sweets! (64/71)
Going very good, the only thing I ate was mashed apples with bread for breakfast. No industrial sweets at all!
-----------------------------------------
Day 6 soon done of the challenge!
 
Informius said:
Stop Porn and Subs; Masturbation at most every second day! (115/126)
back on track now, but I do have some desire for porn again. It feels like I would "miss out". Isn't that wierd? Miss out on what?
Click to expand...

No dont think its weird.
People always want what they cant have.
I remember times where I wanted to play a game, didnt play the game when I had the time. I went to sleep and was in my bed thinking about I now want to play the game but I cant anymore because I have to wake up early.

Just try to not focus on something you want to much because the desire gets bigger and bigger till you give in.
 
Hello guys, I haven't written in over 10 days - but I am doing great! I have stayed true to all of my Habits (Maybe except Meditation once or twice), so basically all are green for 10 consecutive days! (or more!)

Regarding my challenge: Going great aswell! No MOing for 12 days in a row. Interestingly this time some of the usual sensations (really sensitive from day 3 onward; craving for sex/intimicy) didn't arose. What did arose is this Feeling of nearly having an Orgasm while doing regular Things, like working out or doing Kegels.

Sweets are off the list aswell and it feels awesome! I don't crave it anymore, and it became quite easy to simply say No to the allure in the Supermarket. So I have been completely Sweets free for at least 10 days now :D

Distractions are a different Thing. I am going good on my NoDistraction Course in General, but it is not as successfull and consequent as my other habits. For example I switched to quite a bit of Facebook and Youtube. But the good Thing is: My newsfeed on Facebook is terribly boring and I am getting better on limiting my YouTube usage - so I am doing good Progress, even though my 'streak' is not strong.
I am glad that I limited my NoFap use tremendously and haven't spent almost any time here on the last 10 days. It became really a huge big waste of time, where I would spent up to an hour each day here on the Forum. So I blocked NoFap on my phone and Computer aswell (sounds ironic doesn't it haha) and it worked wonders. When I had the Chance to log in (i.e. at my families PC) once I was quite bored already and realized I didn't miss a lot.

Well I guess that's really the power of Habits. After those ~ 120 to 140 days they became automatic. In that period is also the 'take-Off Time', where I had very loose rules. Maybe if you go really strict it automates faster, but I wouldn't have been able to stick with it at that time.
Suprisingly taking off Sweets is very natural now for me even though it's only 60 days with really loose rules.
 
Today I stopped my challenge!

I felt unwell and looked for distraction - I found it in porn. Funnily I noticed my phone blocker wasn't active and I took the 'chance' to peek. Didn't clicked on a video (which was never my problem) but peeked a lot. I closed it after some time without masturbation. But then I told myself more and more that it would be ok to masturbate and so on - and finally did it.

It was amazing tbh. Afterwards I definitely was different than before, but I don't think it was too bad. Maybe I was a bit anxious, but I am not sure if it could come from O or something else.

Anyway. I stopped with the challenge as it doesn't seem to be something I can (or want) to continue for the rest of my life.

What I would have been interested in is the effects and feelings of 30+ days of NoFap, but I am to sceptical to believe in 'superpowers' stron enough.


And I also realized how good the time away from this forum is for me, so I will set another 7 days timer to block the site on my PC.
 
Going quite well with my habits but got a bit weak the last two days. Will see how it goes...
 
Short update, I am doing quite well, Yet I became loose in documenting and being strict with myself. For example I counted on some days my habits as 'done', while in fact I didn't do it properly (for example No Internet - even though I browsed for some time).

Standing up at the first alarm was a bit troublesome for a while as I got out of my routine, but now it should work again.

Meditation is more consistent than it was before. But I think I will not do it in the morning anymore. The morning is the time where I have to be productive immediately. If I get into thinking too much I become unproductive for the whole day.

Cold showers are a bit less cold now. But I feel like I have to make them colder again, I think that will do my face good.

No Internet/Games/9gag took seriously a big hit. I didn't really wanted to realize that until I started writing to day. I became loose with it, started to browse 9gag and Facebook more. Of course it actually is much better than before, but still... .
I will block all of 9gag, Youtube and Facebook for one week. This should force me to realize how well it does me and to help me learn what to do instead

No Porn is going good, you can see my streaks in my signature. Of course, they are not long streaks, but I am happy with it. What I am most happy is that I did not binged on M the last couple of times. I MO'ed once and than took my time of again. Once it was only 1,5 days, but that was ok. I feel like now I can gradually increase the times in between MO.

Reduce Sweets is going ok. I came back to the rule of only uneven days as I got loose with it aswell.
 
Just to save the data in my signature:

recent Streaks (No Porn or P-Subs): (see badge = 0) 14, 8, 13,15, 6, 6, 7, 8, 14, 4, 54. (<- first one)
recent Streaks (No M): (see badge = 0), 1, 13, 1, 2, 5, 13,6, 8, 10, 17 (start of counting, before some with 2 to 5 days)
 
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