Self-improvement or suicide?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by ThatRandomGuy, Sep 20, 2021.

  1. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    I've stumbled on this forum recently and I desperately want to feel like a normal human again but it's hard to see the point. I've heard Nofap can take up to 2 years and I don't have that time to waste. I'm a massive loser at this point in my life, I'm almost 20 and haven't had sex, am not currently in college and still live with parents. Even if I change all this, the minute anyone were to find out I lost my virginity in my 20s, or even that I'm doing Nofap, my life is RUINED. They will always see me as a subhuman incel and nothing in my life will change anyway. It truly seems like in my position, suicide is the only option. To top it all off, I want to try new things, but at my age it's impossible to learn new things, or at least become any good at them. So again, all this struggle will lead to nothing. I won't keep living a life like this, either I make something of myself magically and don't get laughed off the face of the earth for being a failure, or I kill myself. Is suicide the right thing to do in my case?
     
    WildEntheology and virtuscb like this.
  2. Relax brother. I m in college myself and I know how hard it is. It's a hard time and you must get through it. I wouldn't stress to much about loosing your virginity at X years. When it happens, it happens. Life is not like in porn where you do nothing but having sex. And also I would take out your idea that NoFap takes years and years. You will feel the benefits after 1-2 weeks. Don't fall into despair. Focus :)
     
    Billybrasco likes this.
  3. 88991s

    88991s Fapstronaut

    Hey buddy , I feel you!. I m going through the same thing ( except for catastrophizing part ). I m 23, virgin, single, living with my parents and jobless (The worst combo). But hey I have never heard of people making fun of my virginity. My joblessness yes , but not my virginity. Even if they do , it’s not like I can go back in time when I’m 16 to lose my virginity. Me and you both can only look forward and experience what life has to offer.
    Try new things , but do things that gives your life meaning , don’t get stuck doing things that you don’t believe (love) in. For example , my college degree, it’s worthless because I came to a late realisation that I don’t like chemical engineering. My real interest was in programming . I wasted 4 years of my life. And now I m doing things I truly love and believe in. I don’t care if all the struggle is meaningless , I m going keep trying because my endeavour is worth it.
    My point is it is not pointless to try new things, but it is pointless to do things that you don’t love or believe in. And plus it is a massive waste of time.
    As for suicide, what purpose will it serve. It will only bring misery to your Loved ones. The ones who don’t give a damn about your virginity Status But deeply care about you. It’s a lose-lose situation.People are too busy thinking what others are thinking about themselves. Take a deep breath and chill. You have a life to live and to learn.

    And as @WildEntheology mentioned, try reading books. Any genre of book would do. (Note:Just don’t get into reading manga and web novels , that’s a different kind of rabbit hole).
    After Reading each book your whole world view changes. You see world through a different lens.

    My book suggestion will be all the above @WildEntheology mentioned and these:

    1. Man’s search for meaning by Viktor E frankl.
    2. A man called Ove bye Fredrick Bachman
    These two are highly recommended.

    I hope my perspective is helpful to you anyway.
     
    WildEntheology likes this.
  4. nerdy_owl

    nerdy_owl Fapstronaut

    Men I kiss my first girl when I was 21 years old!! And lost my virginity when I'm 23. Don't make sex the center of your life. You are not a looser bro, you are just focused in the "bad things" of your lilfe. Stay strongh bro!
     
  5. The low dark emotions come and go like money. Every time I start to feel better I’m incredibly happy I didn’t do anything to quit out of the misery.
     
    88991s likes this.
  6. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, but what I tell myself is true. I will never be seen a s a human if I am a late bloomer.
     
  7. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    Not really, you may see mild success, but you'll never be regarded as highly as people who did it earlier
     
  8. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    Well I'm now losing my hair, so even if I do bloom it will be too late
     
  9. 88991s

    88991s Fapstronaut

    If you can’t be a late bloomer , then what do you want to be ?.
    What is you aim ? (If you don’t have an aim)What do you want to change about yourself? What brings you happiness?. How can you achieve your happiness ? What are the steps you can take to achieve it ?

    Instead of trying to be successful, try being happy. A simple goal of just trying to achieve happiness is the most worthwhile aim you can have .

    (Opinion: I think you are lazy, and you are coming up with these ideas to justify you status quo. I don’t mean to offend you , just my observation. )
     
    WildEntheology likes this.
  10. I’m curious if they’re being honest or just trolling-pulling our leg here
     
    WildEntheology likes this.
  11. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    What do you mean?
     
  12. Billybrasco

    Billybrasco Fapstronaut

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    just a tangent: it says in your profile you're 71. Typo?
     
  13. ThatRandomGuy

    ThatRandomGuy Fapstronaut

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    I do that with all my profiles, it isn't my actual age lmao
     
  14. jn812

    jn812 Fapstronaut

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    Improving your life into something you are excited about and proud of will take time, effort, patience, love, and grace. But it will be a fun and joyful project, too, every step of the way, if you choose it.

    I encourage you, if you can, to spend a few minutes in meditation or simple prayer -- just opening your heart -- every day. While doing so, take note of everything that is good inside of you. There is a lot of good inside of you. Show yourself and be with it. Focus on that.

    If you think you can't find it, open your heart and try again tomorrow.

    Maybe it's small things at first, that you care about a topic with passion or care for someone else. That you can make someone laugh, or listen to someone to help them out. None of these might be true for you (or all of them might be), find in yourself what is good.

    I will give you one: that you had the courage to ask questions here, expose your vulnerability, and seek help.

    The goodness inside of you is like a seed. If you water it and tend it, it will grow. It may take a season hidden underneath the ground, and it will take sunshine, too. But sure enough it will develop into a beautiful tree. Both for yourself and for others, which is the basis for meaningful, deep relationships, not having hair or virginity. The latter truly don't matter to anyone who is worth your time, and I would venture perhaps 99% of people over 25.

    I will pray for you that you begin to see the goodness already inside of you, because seeing that inside myself was the beginning of my life becoming beautiful.
     
  15. somuchforsubtlety

    somuchforsubtlety Fapstronaut

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    5okzrr.jpeg
     
  16. PegasusKid

    PegasusKid Fapstronaut

    There's a lot of thinking errors here. Like...a lot. I know someone else said they wouldn't break down every sentence but I thought it would maybe help you a bit to point some things out.
    2 years for what? Notice that this sentence in itself poses a vague standard you can never live up to, because it doesn't exist. The concept of "once I do X, then I can do Y" is often a broken logic. You don't wait until you feel like you completely overcame something to then start taking action, you do it as you're getting better, thats what actually solidifies the action. Sure, sometimes you gotta block off the world to get your shit done if things get to a real bad point but that's temporary and doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold. Its not a waste of time, it is literally using your time to grow. The two years are gonna pass either way.

    Literally everything you said is perfectly normal for a 19 year old. I understand your attachment to never having sex but keep in mind this is just an attachment. There is actually no inherent value to it except the value we humans decided to attribute to it. Also, why would anyone except maybe a very close friend or partner know about when you lost your virginity, or that you don't masturbate to porn. Why does ANYONE need to know this period? And why would your life be ruined? Because of potential judgment from people who place value on not doing something in the past? Virginity is just a fancy word for never having sex, its really no different than never playing video games or drinking alcohol or lifting weights. I'm not asking or expecting you to magically let go of this attachment, just recognize that it is nothing more than something your mind is attached to and let that sink in.
    I feel like this is such a huge mental error pointing it out is just stating the obvious but I'll say it anyways. You do realize people your age are in college, learning new things over the course of a few years and actually becoming good at those things and getting jobs on a daily basis right? And those people aren't necessarily more special or smart or capable or more worthy than you(I know you didn't say this but i notice with low self esteem and catastrophizing, people tend to attribute others successes to luck, just being better, smarter, fitter, stronger, male advantages or female advantages etc). I'm not gonna pretend they have your issues but its easy for us to feel like our personal issues especially are the one set of issues no one can help, but the fact of the matter is that's statistically unlikely. You're going through a lot right now and ultimately you might need a counselor or professional help(I'd recommend looking into cognitive behavioral therapy as your biggest issue here seems to be cognitive distortions). With that being said, I do believe you can get help, you might not get it on the first try but its out there.
     
    heaven on earth and 88991s like this.
  17. heaven on earth

    heaven on earth Fapstronaut

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    I thought similar when I was 20. Honestly, a LOT can change in just one year. Now imagine 5 years of self improvement. Men keep developing in their hormones, brain, and body (broader shoulders) till 25 at least. And you never would have to come across a situation where you must divulge that you lost your virginity in your 20s or that you are doing nofap. Just keep that stuff private.

    You are thinking its "too late" and that you are "Too broken" and I promise you, you are not. You are extremely young still, and it is very much possible to learn new things and get good at them. Ex: my manager didn't start coding till he was in his thirties (he switched careers), and now he is very competent, and hence rose to status of manager. He never had coding experience before that.
     
  18. Archangel VIII

    Archangel VIII Fapstronaut

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    Nobody cares about when you lost your virginity. I know a guy who lost his when he was 12 and I (and likely everyone else who knows him) don't see him as any more chad than the average person. I also knew another guy who lost his at 11 and he was one of the biggest pussies I've ever met - incel, overweight, into trannies, communist, weak as piss, can't fight for shit, etc. The founder of Playboy (Hugh Hefner) lost his in his 20s and there's thousands of pictures of him groping and hanging out with groups of smoking hot babes (I guarantee he fucked a bunch of them too).
     
  19. Josehp

    Josehp Fapstronaut

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    No te rindas hermano, sé que parece que la vida te derriba pero de ti depende si te dejas dominar o devuelves el golpe más fuerte, no pongas las relaciones como algo principal, mejor dedícate y crece como persona te aconsejo que busques a Dios, hermano, él te ayudará en este camino para ser alguien mejor que antes.
     
  20. Ajar

    Ajar Fapstronaut
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    Stop comparing yourself to other people, and their bullshit expectations and ideology. This world is full of bullshit. People like to make expectation so they can keep themselves unhappy. Live life without peoples bullshit, and make money, eat, and enjoy yourself, experience the world, buy what you want. I mean im not saying just go straight hookers, and alcohol, just enjoy life. So what youre life did not end up as the people around you expected, so what. Youre alive, youre making money, you can save invest, grow yourself
     

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