Self-objectification

To give a bit of background, I'm a gay teenage boy who cross dresses non-sexually to express my feminine side. When I do present female, I'm very modest in personality and dress.
Since I was exposed to porn very young, I developed an addiction to porn and that escalated to transvestic fetishism (somehow my non-sexual and sexual cross-dressing stayed separate). This fetish was more so an emasculation fetish, since my attraction was to masculine men wearing objectifying feminine attire (high heels, lingerie,etr). This would escalate even further into exhibitionism, where I would (and still do) take walks late at night in nothing but high heels.
I feel disgusting when I present masculine, and the only time i feel normal is when i non-sexually cross-dress. I need professional help for the exhibitionism and my self perception, but I can't tell my family because only person in our family who also suffered with pa was disowned. I know that if i keep going down this path I'm going to end up on the sex offender registry or in jail. So today I took all my high heels and threw them into the woods, and joined nofap. I know its going to be hard (in fact, I'm resisting going back to retrieve them) but I just need to make it to 18 in one piece, so I can seek professional help.