Serious - Having occasional gay thoughts

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by danwing, May 14, 2019.

  1. danwing

    danwing New Fapstronaut

    This is my first time posting. I've known about nofap from around 10 months now. Currently, its been around 40 days since I masturbated. I don't look at porn now. However I did in the first two weeks.
    Now the main issue on which I want your advice guys is that I'm having some gay thoughts occasionally. I'm a 22 year old virgin guy. I look good and I hit the gym 5 days a week so I'm moderately muscular and have an athletic build but its a very conservative place where I live.
    So, earlier I was very introvert as I was really skinny like a stick and my front tooth was broken and had confidence issues, body image and was really sensitive even more than the most sensitive girl you could find. So, it took a lot of mental training for me to get over the stuff and not bother about people who wanted me to do as they said. To give you an idea, even if someone honked at me when I was driving or someone told me to get aside on the road, I used to feel really awful as I'd done some crime and would think about it for days or even weeks. This should give you an idea of how sensitive, socially awkward, introvert or whatever pussy you wanna call a person I was. I overcame these issues mostly but there are still remnants. It took about 3 years for me to accept and work on the problems.
    The reason I'm writing this post is this - I used to watch regular porn like any other guy and masturbate. Slowly, it increased to torturing girls porn and rape scenes. Then, I got into really fetish stuff (disgusting) and beastiality. Then, I also jerked off a few times to gay porn. About 1 year ago, I found this site Omegle. I used it to sex chat and then I moved to video chat. I found some girls and masturbated on cam. As girls are very less on this site, I started masturbating to guys. It was not the case earlier but slowly I started doing it. Maybe because of never even having a remotely sexual chat with anyone in real life let alone sex. So, I decided this year to do semen retention (to remove addiction, gym gains, girls attraction, basically superpowers which everyone says). Obviously I failed a week after in January as I was so much addicted to Omegle. Then, I started in February, did it for 30 days and then again fapped. Then it was every week. Then, I started again from around March 28 and haven't fapped since then. I did do Omegle a few times. I'll say in a total of 10 days but I didn't masturbate and edged like just once.
    So, sometimes I get really strong urges. I just wanna hump any girl. But once every while, I get these sexual thoughts of being with a guy. I am not gay or bi as I never thought about it in my life. I just can't comprehend these thoughts.
    Have you guys experienced something like this? Maybe I used to chat on omegle video that's why my mind associates sex with guys as I'm a virgin so never been with a girl (never even held hands with a girl for more than a handshake). Does nofap makes a person have unusual thoughts? On top of this, I'm currently looking for a job and stay at my home without any interaction from any of my friends. I could really use some advice. Sorry for this long rant but I had to write it as its been bugging me for a really long time.
  2. Your not the only one. I struggle with this too.

    We need to stay away from all porn and go out and have normal day to day interactions with all people.

    We need to get to a place where we are not obsessed with sex and are not looking at people as sex objects.

    Getting away from our computers and getting out of the house more often is one of the things we need to force ourselves to do in this battle.

    Best wishes to you!
  3. Pureplecity

    Pureplecity Fapstronaut

    It’s amazing how messed up porn can make you. I started watching porn when I was younger and then i got into weirder and weirder stuff. Mainly incest bondage and rape porn or all 3 in one video. Absolutely sickening. Your not alone though it’s hard for me to admit but it happens when I abstain for a long time and it’s really disturbing but as your brain starts healing it will subside. Take care.
  4. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

    I think you need to restore the synapse and neurological makeup on your brain. The first responder I think nailed it on the head. You are viewing women as sex objects perhaps? And now since your confidence in yourself is up you might be feeling like you dobt need women. Whatever the underlying issue its stemming from porn abuse. Continue to abstain give thanks to what you have keep grinding in the gym and you'll get your shot with the woman you been longing for. A thought pops up in our head every nanosecondss . You can change those just as quick .
    danwing, Deleted Account and Starboii like this.
  5. Starboii

    Starboii Fapstronaut

    Porn soils us men. It starts slowly, for example only one nude girl masturbates and you`re enjoying it. Then it becomes a lesbian scene, then an orgy, then rape scenes, then a gay scene etc. Can you follow me? Studies have showned that when a men watches very active porn, more and more dopamine will be released, which leds that this first video with only one nude girl isn`t interesting anymore and you want better, weirder, disgusted stuff. It´s really horrible how porn can pollute you. Just stay away from porn and concentrade on your recovery. It`s really normal (according to studies) that you got these thoughts.
  6. Hey,
    I can totally understand. I’m having the same issues! I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one. I could use someone to talk to as well. I can share my story with you.
    danwing and Transcendent like this.
  7. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    Remember you are not your thoughts. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. Don't fight them, just accept them and they will go away. If you fight the thoughts the more they'll remain.
  8. Very thought provoking!

    I need to meditate on that. Thank you for the message. It means a lot to me.

    danwing likes this.
  9. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

    Loneliness + escalation might do very wierd things to yourself.
    danwing likes this.
  10. danwing

    danwing New Fapstronaut

    Thank you for being honest and all the support guys. I got busy so didn't get the time to check the post and your valuable thoughts. I'm really glad that you guys can understand this and be so supportive. I'm gonna follow your advice and accept that this is normal and I just have to stick to nofap as the cure. And also, socializing is so much more helpful as I got out the house, porn thoughts immediately disappear and I become more focused on the work. Also, interacting is way more fun than just sitting at home and fapping. Whenever I watch porn, whether I acknowledge it or not, there is a little negativity created in my mind. But I don't realize it until I cum. After that the feeling grows 100 times stronger which is worst for the body.

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