Serious problem with sissy hypnosis

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by mikes19, Jun 5, 2019.

  1. mikes19

    mikes19 New Fapstronaut

    So for as long as I can remember I've always had really random and occasional fantasies of feminine things which eventually evolved into crossdressing maybe 15 times over the whole course of my childhood and in the ladder years being very disappointed with myself afterwards. I've always considered myself a kind and gentle guy but I'm also very competitive and socially dominant if that matters at all.

    I've been in a very loving relationship for like 6 years now and I'm only 20 and the thing is I love this girl like nothing else in the world. We went through the motions of intimacy and I enjoyed every second of it but I've usually been less inclined to sex acts than her, especially recently.

    Over the past little while my porn use got a little out of hand (especially because of our long distance relationship for school the majority of the year) and regular porn and an overall obsession with the female form kinda evolved into hypnosis, and then inevitably sissy hypnosis, which, turns me on more than anything else. None of my fantasies or porn habits bothered me in the slightest until about 6 months ago when I had a little problem with ED during a visit with her. She was super understanding and I just figured it was due to stress or something but in the back of my mind I was terrified I was gay. I spent so much time reading forums and help pages and eventually concluded that it was just the stress that bothered me and things were actually okay for a while. All the while I never really quit sissy and hypno porn, not that I didn't want to but more that I didn't want to that badly.

    Things got rough for me when one day while jerking off to this porn I actually paid close attention to the guys dick, which despite the category of porn I never cared much for. And since then Ive had strong fantasies of sucking off a dude or being a girl and getting fucked by a guy- just the whole notion of being feminine. And every time I would jerk off to this or thing of this I'd feel terrible. A mix of guilt, shame, disgust, anger, disappointment in myself.

    It really tough because after a small scare when I thought I might be trans I've figured that I really don't want to be a girl for all aspects of life. I don't care for girly activity and I never really have, I don't want to walk around as a girl or be treated as a girl I just want to have sex as a girl and I don't know if this fantasy is porn induced, or just an unlucky fetish I was stuck with since birth seeing as crossdressing started long before this type of porn. I can still have sex with my girlfriend when I'm not so stressed about losing my boner, but exactly what I've feared (being more turned on by being a girl than being with a girl) is proving true.

    The past month has been awful for me. It seems like every day I spend every free second I have stressing about this, like the thoughts are inescapable- not nessisarily the porn thought but the stress of "what if I am trans, how can I fight this, can I fight this forever does this go away??" and I've read tannes of forums, some that make me feel better others worse and eventually I gave nofap a shot. I half heartedly tried it a while ago to literally no avail, but in light of this anxiety I gave it a legit attempt and got 16 days, today being the day I failed. I did have sex with my girlfriend in that time and like usual, I did really enjoy it, but every single day I work I spend stressing and anxious. At this point I don't even know what for. I've made it very clear to myself that I am more than happy keeping this a secret and never indulging in it, given the choice I would give up sex all together for this to go away.

    These anxious thoughts culminate into a bit of a depression where It just seems like I don't know how things are gonna turn out so why even try, there was a very brief moment where even death sounded better than how I was feeling, not that I wanted to kill myself but I just felt this strange sort of jealousy for old people or dead people who don't have problems like this anymore as naive as that is.

    The reason why I know I'm not trans is because I don't really want to be a girl and I know that, I could never love a man the way I do women and I am very attracted to women and the female form. Its also worth noting that I do not find gay porn a turn on in the slightest.

    This is kinda a last ditch effort for me because I just feel so trapped, I don't want to tell anyone because I have nothing to gain from it and I don't want to pursue the fantasies either. But every day I find myself stressed and worried and unreasonably horny and I just don't know what to do anymore. It scares me because I feel like theres no end to this fight. Im with the girl of my dreams and Im terrified Im going to lose her. I want to marry her and have kids and all that jazz but I'm no afraid these fantasies are going to ruin that. I don't experience any sort of body dysphoria and this fantasy is purely sexual.

    I would really love any sort of advise on this because at this point I don't know what to do. Im sorry its a little bit of a rant but I'm just speaking my mind. Thanks
  2. chapuleta

    chapuleta Fapstronaut

    I Always had a Strong foot fetish and all my life since 15 years old until now 25 years old i fapped only to porn related to foot fetish, But my only fetish is over foot,remember im a 25 years old never kissed a girl and im a virgin yet,so go on i started with straigh foot fetish(15 - 17 years old)>>> trample(18 - 20) >> crush fetish(21 -22)>> countdown and brainwashing,money slave(22 - 23)>>femdom like being submissive to girls stuff and virgin humiliation and cuckold(24 - 25), so i notice that that was not me,because i never liked all my life being submissive and being humiliated, so this hear i decided to stop with porn. Its being difficult,but i reached the first time 1 month,now every week i fap again but i want go nofap forever. sorry by my bad english im form another country.
  3. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    I was the sane way as a kid. Not really sure why. I liked be girly from time to time (usually in private). But at the end of the day I knew I was a boy and liked it that way.

    Talk to her about it. Try to bring back the spark. If she's understanding about your situation and supports you through your recovery then she's a keeper. Make her your wife if she does that.

    These hypno videos are designed to attack our subconscious. They are far more dangerous then regular porn videos. Stop watching it immediately.

    Sounds like it's making you gay. At first you just liked the forced femme stuff it pushes. However, soft words are being said in these videos saying stuff like "suck dick" and whatnot. These effect your subconscious and made you bisexual. Dangerous stuff.

    You like to be feminine but you like girls. Have you ever had lesbian fantasies?

    You are enjoying sex with your girlfriend. Make this your only sexual outlet if you have to. But first go some time without PMO. That's my advice

    Don't kill yourself. That will solve nothing

    Being trans and liking men have absolutely nothing to do with each other. However, the fact that it's all fantasy and you don't wanna be a girl in real life shows you aren't trans. You just have a problematic fetish.

    I'll give you this advice. Don't let this fear be in excuse to watch more sissy porn. A lot of people on this form afraid that their addiction is turning them gay or giving them PIED end up watching porn out of fear. This will only make things worst. Don't do it!

    Hope this advice helps
    twobite likes this.
  4. el10

    el10 Fapstronaut

    Well, I think that the obvious first step is to stop PMO. You need your brain to reboot. Once you are out of PMO, you'll be able to think more clearly. You may forget about that fetish, maybe you'll have that fetish for the rest of your live and you can live with it and be happy with your girlfriend. Everybody have fetishes and fantasies, and it is OK, but if you give them too much attention, they can become an obsession and an addiction. I will also recommend you to visit a therapist, that could be very helpful.
  5. Your thoughts are not yours there automatic.

    When you watch any video your thoughts are controlled by the video you start thinking things you would never have thought about.

    When you watch a hipno video your giving skilled people who want to control your thoughts and make you think specific things the chance to do just that.

    When you watch sissy hiipno they plant sissy thoughts in your mind that pop up automatically throughout your daily life and you can start to belive that this is you but it's not its just how the brain works.

    Simple solution
    1. stop whatching the videos
    2. stop feeding the thoughts when they arise.
    Follow them rules and the thoughts will fade
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2019
    TimeToQuitNow likes this.
  6. I strongly disagree they way you putting this that you might have it for the rest of your life and have to deal with it. There's no good in saying that and it's not even likely and that's not somthing you should say to someone your basically suggesting to him to accept somthing that btw is completely changeable telling him that it might be not changeable and to think about how to live with it.
    Also the suggesting a terrapist is out of order everyone has there problems.

    your making it out to be bigger than it is all a terispt will do is the same, make things worst by focusing on the problem and making it more than it is

    when all he has to do is stop watching the videos and stop feeding the thoughts
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2019
  7. streammango

    streammango Fapstronaut

    whenever i see my sis i had sexual feeling how to stop this please help!!
  8. Stop watching porn bro can't you see it's messing with your head stop feeding these thoughts. by allowing them to continue and allowing youself to stay aroused after your thoughts come up your feeding them making them stronger. Just put stop to it straight away, don't allow it to continue once it starts. Keep doing that and eventually it stops happening altogether, I've been through it
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2019
  9. streammango

    streammango Fapstronaut

  10. streammango

    streammango Fapstronaut

    i have stopped watching porn and masturbation about seven days !! but still these thoughts come to my head
  11. LOL sorry. 7 days is not enough time to clear your head at least a month and follow what I said you'll be fine.

    But you should go for the full reboot 90 days minimum. And try to give up porn forever because If you watch it after you reboot you might fall back into the same situation or worse and it can get 100x times worse and usually does
  12. streammango

    streammango Fapstronaut

  13. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

    I was in a similar situation. Check out sissy recoverg and confused sexualities groups.

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