Severe OCD, want to die

Dude I relate so much... It's really hard... I'm not sure I have diagnosable OCD, but I do have overriding thoughts 24-7 and sometimes it gets so bad that I think death would actually be a sweet release... I will tell you one thing though, time is such a stubborn illusion. That's what Einstein said. Einstein was seen as a crazy person, and I'm sure a lot of guys like us are seen as a crazy person. But that has been such a remedy for me. Time is the reason we get so stuck with these thoughts and it literally hurts us. But I want you to try out a new mindset if you're able to- Instead of thinking "My past is taking me over", or "what if I make a mistake right now", or "I don't want to mess up my future", try to think "All that I experience is what's before me, so let me do the right thing. Right now." And if you make a mistake, put it in your past immediately. You are not your mistakes. You are so much more. I've found that type of thinking helps a lot. Best wishes to you, and I hope that everything goes well

 

I feel sorry to hear that. I feel your pain.
Just hold on, it's going to get better.
Try to do something about it, even if its for 5 mins, every day.

"Ask, and it will be given you. Seek, and you will
find. Knock, and it will be opened for you.
For everyone who asks receives. He who seeks
finds. To him who knocks it will be opened."

 

Try NAC. If you would like that.
https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01172275
Go to a doctor first before you do try to take it. He could tell you how often, when you should take it and the dosage.


Also, if you would like take a blood test and see if you're deficient in certain vitamin minerals, low testosterone, or hyperactive thyroid. Just try.

DO it With CBT and therapy, of course.

 

healthy diet and exercise. And if you do take supplements vitamins, don't replace it with healthy food. Let's talk.

 

just try to keep in mind, the second you become homeless you are no longer a human being but a wild animal, and you will be rounded up by animal control and treated like a rabid raccoon loose on the street.

if anyone still treats you better than a rabid raccoon you have at least that

 

You should seek help from a specialist is the best solution.

 

player 1, things will get better. People oftentimes need to hit rock bottom in order to have a transformation. God will use this journey for your good. Hold on brother. I had suicidal thoughts as well before. I turned my whole life around through nofap and Jesus. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You are going to have to go through an immensely painful and suffering journey, but it will be worth it bc of all it will teach you. You must stay clean. You must. Your life depends on it.

Porn ruins your entire life and existence. It seems like all of those OCD thoughts and swirl of negativity is both due to pmo addiction and also because you have demons plus you may be in flat line. You are in a bad state, and you need to work on getting better. Raise your positivity and vibration. Make your health a priority. Sleep 9+ hours, get sunlight, stay busy, exercise.

That being said, I relapsed many times after 8 months clean and now I feel horrible. Numb, my heart gripped in darkness and brain cloudy and useless. My soul suffocated. I need to follow the advice I gave

 

If you keep rebooting consider a psychiatric hospital. They aren't just for you know the retarded. They offer a place to stay while you recover. If you read a webpage they let you stay there just to get away from whatever it is you need to recover from. I am considering it myself just to stay away from computers and smartphones. stay there for a week and you'll be absent from PMO.

 

What I am trying to say is they offer a gateway. Stay for a couple days. Remember to not bring your smartphone. or any electronic. bring books or something to draw. iPods and Mp3 players are okay to listen to music. Just stay there for a week and come back knowing you went one full week no PMO.

 

I understand, I was and still getting plagued by my sexual thoughts and ideas almost a year into hardmode PMO. I keep telling myself these are only thoughts and they do start to go away and your mind gets better. It has taken me a whole year to get to this point, who knows how long my timetable is going to be but I am going to keep doing this. I WILL NOT BE CONTROLLED BY MY THOUGHTS.. You see, that is what they are, just thoughts. You control your mind, not the other way around. They come in and they leave. You are letting them linger and fester.
I believe you need to get out of the house your in. You need some sort of new view in front of you in the morning and at night. I don't have all the answers on how to calm your rage and anger down but hear me out. I think you should either try YOGA or TAI CHI. If you can find a good instructor at a gym by you then you can talk with someone in this area that knows about controlling the mind and body through Yoga. You have to be able to call upon good moments, people/events in your life to replace the bad thoughts and I understand you being 23 is not a lot of life right now but you can do it and change your thoughts. Now, Tai Chi instructor, not knowing where you live, maybe hard to find. The deep breathing and stances can do WAY MORE for you than just lifting weights and running.

Try and get a part time job/ full time would be better anywhere that will keep you busy. Something to keep you out of the house and dwelling on what you are going through. If you have any habits that can keep you outdoors even better. Walking in silence is even better. If you say you cannot keep thoughts out of your mind 24/7 try listening to something you like instead. Anything inspirational that will take your mind into a different direction and you will then start to replace the bad with the good.

I don't know if this makes sense to you all but I believe my father pushing me to a job at 16 y.o. which got me out of the house gave me an outlet to meet and talk to people I never would have if I never aspired to do anything besides stay inside, watch T.V. and eventually succumb to PMO. You have to have goals as well and that can keep your mind focused as you move along your path to recovery.