Sex addiction

hey all -

—this is somewhat graphic—

I have a big problem with sex addiction. It has taken control of me.

I’m a pretty normal guy in terms of sexual partners - probably on the higher than average but not super high. Generally straight, insofar as I’m only attracted to and date girls.

Have had porn addiction problems my whole life (35 now). I did do some AOL chat rooms back in the day (there were some sick ppl there), and in high school I once met a much older guy online and met him for a sexul experience which was technically illegal.

After that it was all girls only. Probably excessive chasing if girls relative to optimal but not abnormal.

Fast forward 10 years and I had gone through some bad times with alcohol and heroin. After I got cleaned up I got into a long term relationship.

On day I was very innocently in the steam room after the gym and a guy out of no where came on to me. I was totally startled but somewhat turned on. Shortly thereafter the initial excitement faded and I ran away.

Nothing happened for several years. Then one day I was using a public toilet and saw some peripheral movement and noticed the guy at the urinal was not urinating. I was again surprised and turned on.

After that I’d occasionally seek out such encounters but would usually leave if anything started to happen. One time something did happen but other than that I would just see if any similar activity was going on. It never was but I was always looking for it, to get that shot of excitement.

Then I began using the internet to set up encounters. In all but one or two I was not into it at all and ended up leaving.

I’ve recently begun to earn substantial money, and realized I can now pay for high end escorts. Which I’ve done a number of times. I definitely get into it (with varying degrees of fun given the situation). I thought maybe when I met with a girl of a certain body type or hotness I’d stop but I can’t.

I continue to use the internet to meet guys too, and either cancel last minute or cancel once we meet. I never like it.

I quit porn for 5 months but continued seeing escorts (the guys thing stopped during that time, as did the constant obsession). I also ogle every attractive girl that I see and think about having sex with most of them.

I am totally screwed here and I can’t stop this behavior on my own.

 

Not terribly helpful. Thanks though