Sex Addicts Anonymous UK

Hi,

Does anyone have any experience of going to Sex Addicts Anonymous in the UK?

If so, how did it go? Was it useful?

I am thinking of going to a local meeting, but am doubtful about anonymity, and also about whether it's really the most useful thing for someone with porn issues rather than sex - ie do they really know that much about PMO?

DG

 

@Longtime27 Wow, thanks your your replies.

I'd forgotten that I'd even made this post. I was coming back round to looking at SAA anyway - I tried therapy (again...) last summer instead of SAA, but it did not go well. So these are timely replies of yours. I am currently looking at another form of therapy, and considering SAA as an alternative if that doesn't work out, or as an addition to go with it. The main problem I have at the moment is physical exhaustion - just getting to a meeting would be difficult because of that. That's part of the trap that I'm in - I'm just too exhausted to help myself in any meaningful way, most of the time. Or at least that's where I am ATM.

I get your point about there being a disconnect between SAA and Nofap. I've barely seen anything on here about SAA, so maybe it's not too surprising that there was only one reply before. I did come across one post where a Fapstronaut had gone to SAA and had some pretty bad experiences, but I'm not sure how much store to put in the claims of the person in question - he seemed a bit weird to begin with. Beyond that, my best guess is that it takes much more commitment and courage to physically show up in a face to face meeting and admit some of your most personal things, rather than be completely anonymous online. It's something I am dreading, but whether it is (group) therapy or SAA, it's something I'm going to have to do. Basically I have to take risks to get well, or stay in the current hell that I'm in.

The main things that have put me off considering SAA before are 1) the religious / "giving in to a higher power" aspect, 2) the "making amends" part and 3) the labeling / naming of SAA.

I don't have a problem with religion per se, but the higher power bit seems to be... dis-empowering - I just don't get how admitting that I'm powerless in the face of my addiction is going to help. I admit that I'm extremely weak in the face of temptation, but not powerless.

With the making amends, who do I do this to? All the women I didn't ask out on a date because I wanted to stay home and PMO? There are also the culty connotations that go with SAA / AA - I have been around people in actual cults in the past, and it is not something I necessarily want to have to deal with when feeling so physically and emotionally drained to begin with. I guess it depends on the people that actually attend and run my local SAA group.

Also really interesting to hear you say that primary compulsions are around porn / PMO. In a way I'm not surprised, simply because porn is so easy to get a hold of compared to sex. But it would be helpful if that was in the title - like "Porn and sex addicts anon" or something - my therapist, last summer, did suggest that I try SAA, and I remember saying that I had doubts about it because I could be the only person with a porn addiction - talking to a bunch of people that have addictions relating to actual sex with other people. But maybe not! One of the reasons I am thinking about the new group therapy is that it is marketed as being about porn and sex, rather than one or the other.

Also there's the anonymity bit. For one thing, my local SAA meetings are literally held over the road from the building I used to work in. Although meetings are held in the evening, there's a real chance that I could see people I used to work with, when going in to meetings - and of course, who knows who I'd meet in the meetings themselves? So I also take your point about anonymity. It's tricky.

Again, many thanks for your replies - they may nudge me in the direction of going to SAA. Either way, as and when I do SAA or therapy it will go in my journal - I dodged putting therapy in there last summer for various reasons, but if SAA proves useful to me, it might be useful to others here to know about it.

Cheers,

DG

 

Thanks again for your reply.

It's good to know that things are perhaps a little more flexible, and less dogmatic in terms of what you might be expected to do. I've got a lot to think about.

From your experience, is it a bit weird having women in the room? Nothing against women as such, but given the situation re porn, it must surely be awkward for both men and women...? The group therapy I've been looking at is only men.

Cheers, and stay strong!

 

So I've ordered the Green book from SAA. I'll post here any thoughts once I've started reading it.

 

Many thanks for your thoughtful replies. A lot to think about.

I'm relieved to hear what you say about making amends - the vision I had of it in my imagination seemed pretty suicidal, like approach former colleagues and saying "sorry I was a brain-dead f*ck up for the last few years". I am looking at what groups operate where I live - as far as I'm aware, there is only one, but it took me a fair amount of searching to even find that - I guess SAA type groups don't want to be to open about things!

 

Just to be clear, SA = Sexaholics Anonymous, and SLAA = Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous?

Cheers.

 

Looks like there are chapters of all three in my nearest city. Time to do some research.

Thanks again for your suggestions.

 

I finally made it to my first meeting of SAA, so thought I'd give a bit of an outline, after first impressions.

It is a small, friendly group. Definitely glad I went. I think to begin with it's important to just get there to a face to face meeting, rather than "think about it" and keep putting it off. However, for anyone reading this who is after a gentle take-off, I'm glad I read the Green Book cover to cover beforehand - so I would recommend that as a starting point if possible.

My main doubt about going was whether SAA is really suitable for a porn addict, but it looks to me like I'm not the only one there with P as being a significant problem, so I'm pretty sure now that it is the right place for me to be. I do wonder if the name should be changed to "Porn and Sex Addicts Anonymous".

I was also apprehensive about just showing my face. There is always the chance that I might meet someone from my "real" / "former" life, and also just the fact that I was going in to a room of strangers and confessing one of my most guarded secrets; there's no getting away from the fact that that is a weird thing to do. But it was OK on the night, and I got the impression that we were all in pretty much the same boat, which made it easier.

Also, being realistic, I think everyone with an addiction is balancing two opposing forces - the urge to act out, versus their ability / willingness to suffer. For me my suffering is out-weighing my urge to act out so much that I am very motivated to get out of my comfort zone and take risks in order to end the suffering (in a positive way!). I wasn't quite there a year ago, but I sure am now, and this manifested in me showing up at my first meeting without that much in the way of nerves, but with a profound sense of relief.

Bottom line: if you're really stuck, I'd say give it a try.