Sex chat addiction

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Eeeeeeeeee7777777, Aug 30, 2016.

  1. I've been involved in anonymous online sex chatting for a few months. Several of these "chats" have become more involved, where I moved to a regular chat app and have recurring convos with the same men. Even send pics, vids, and recently live Skyped.

    This has reinvigorated my sex life with my husband. I initially masturbated during my chat sessions, but lately I just get excited and then have sex with my husband.

    I'm escalating these chat sessions, though, and can't seem to slow down. I currently have several regular partners via chat, and am constantly trolling for more so there is always someone available when I want to chat.

    I know this is wrong, and it's becoming more distracting in my everyday life. Are there any resources out there for my particular addiction?
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 30, 2016
    ChangeMattersToMe likes this.
  2. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    My husband was involved in sex chat websites as part of his PMO addiction. As a SO, I can tell you that finding out about his addiction and the chatting (and specifically exchanging explicit photos) was very hurtful to me. Although you say it reinvigorated your sex life with your husband you are right to be concerned about the esculation and how you can get a handle on it.

    I don't know of any specific sex chat addiction support groups but it certainly falls into the type of addictions nofap helps people with. I know if others, besides my husband, who engaged in this behavior before joining nofap to recover from PMO addiction. I would say you are in the right place.

    I suggest you:
    1. Read at to educate yourself.
    2. As I also advise males addicts, I encourage you to come clean to your husband. Addiction thrives in isolation and secrecy.

    Best of luck to you. PS A friendly heads up that it may be a good idea to edit the title of your post. Although you didn't use inappropriate triggering language in your post, at least in my view, the title suggests otherwise. Some may be hesitant to read it. It's important to keep in mind that the addict members of this site could be triggered by explicit language. You can, however, speak freely in your posts, it's just best if you use the spoiler code, which can be found at the top right by clicking on the plus sign. So potentially triggering language would look:

    like this example

    EDIT: Good title change!
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2016
  3. September

    September Fapstronaut

    When I realised porn was an addicton I had numerous questions what could be a source of that dopamine for me as I feel disgusted by looking at other bodies. I know that chatting would be tempting for me and many other women as we are less visual.
    I had an investigation on the topic and found out that many women ruined their lives this way. But you are doing great realising that this is a problem! I suppose the healing would be the same as for porn addicts - get rid of any explicit materials, fantasies and thoughts, come back to real life, track your progress. Install internet filters like K9.
    Eeeeeeeeee7777777 likes this.
  4. Welcome to the forum, and congratulations on admitting your problem. I was on exactly the same self-descructive path with sex chats for years, and I wish I had come to my senses before my wife found out about it on her own.
    The cure is simple, go cold turkey and commit to a reboot. Just like porn addicts are required to delete their porn stash, you have to lock yourself out from all your chat accounts. The harder part is to get rid of your fantasies and flashbacks afterwards, but is an excellent ressource. Be sure to check out the "Tools for couples" section in @fupornwife 's signature as well.
  5. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    Yes, I forgot to say that! FANOS is amazing for increased communication and karezza really amped up our sex life.
    Eeeeeeeeee7777777 likes this.
  6. Thank you all for the responses!
  7. Fanos? Isn't that a town in Italy
    Kenzi likes this.
  8. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

  9. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

    Welcome to the forum. It doesn't matter of you're a guy or a girl, sex addiction affects everyone. We all act out in various ways, but we all share the same root causes. Even people addicted to other things have things in common with us. Once we identify root causes then we can address them.

    All addictions (drugs, alcohol, compulsive eating/shopping/gambling) have something in common. Addicts use objects or events to alter, medicate, numb, or escape negative emotions. The core problem is an EMOTIONAL issue, not a sexual one. It could be something as simple as boredom, as severe as childhood trauma, or masking something medically wrong like depression or anxiety. There are other issues that sex addiction can merge with - low self-esteem, low body image, emotional neglect, attention seeking, thrill seeking, validation, or control issues. The brain quickly learns how to make itself feel better when it hurts. What starts off as an innocent curiosity can escalate into more dangerous or damaging behavior.

    The addict also uses a 'trance' or 'auto-pilot' mode while consuming their addiction. The brain knows how to block out pain in order to get a job done. A worker will go into this mode... work really hard... and then when the job is done realize that they got a few bruises or a few cuts or realize how sweaty they are. An addict exploits this by shutting off parts of their brain related to their conscience and decision making. There is no pain while in the trance. There is no judging in the trance. There is only blissful ignorance while in the trance. Addicts believe that if they can stay in the trance then they can perfectly control their feelings. It is an illusion of happiness. That is why an addict can binge for hours on porn... they are chasing and maintaining an artificial form of happiness.

    Do you feel yourself going into that state of mind while chatting with others? Is chatting the foreplay you need to get aroused? Do you feel yourself medicating yourself with this 'ritual' of chatting then going to bed and having sex with your husband? Rituals bring us comfort and help us get into the 'trance' more easily. The powerful brain chemical dopamine gets released as we go through the ritual which makes us feel alive and energized. A depressed person craves that feeling and will self-medicate themselves with this process. Plus if you are getting instant EMOTIONAL satisfaction from your suitors then that adds an additional layer of complexity.

    Recovery is possible for any one of us. If you are able to analyze the motivations behind your actions then you can start to address them. If you feel that they are too complex then seek out a therapist to help you identify what emotional needs are going unmet. Do some of your issues predate your marriage? Are some of your problems a result of a neglected or damaged marriage? Are there marital issues that are accentuating mental weaknesses you've been carrying around all along? Have you displayed other addictive behavior in the past (smoking, drugs, alcohol) in the past and this is an escalation into new territory? Emotional needs find a way to get satisfied... in healthy or unhealthy ways. When they start to be met in healthy ways then the attraction to the unhealthy ways starts to lose it's draw.

    I wonder if there are other women on the forum who have also sought help for the problems you described. Perhaps posting a new thread in the 'Women' folder might help you connect with others have had successfully dealt with this problem. Please share with us your insights so that we can help others who come along with similar problems.
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2016
  10. Ted Martin

    Ted Martin Fapstronaut

    I can say that for me I was also very addicted to adult chat rooms. Chat rooms were the gateway from porn that lead to affairs and anonymous sex partners. Many would post porn images in the rooms and then couple that with live interactive explicit conversations with women in those rooms and I was hooked. I can understand your concern given the escalation and it affecting your r/t life. For me, the escalations took a similar path to calls for phone sex, video chat/Skype, etc. You do know the next step that guys will be pushing for, right? Meeting in person. That's where it quickly led for me. Trolling for girls in chat rooms setup around geographic regions near me. I was then meeting up with anonymous "strangers" from chat rooms for real life encounters that left me feeling dirty and shameful. Your sex life is likely improving because you are revving up your libido. You are hyper-sexualizing through all the erotic interactions you are having online. As your libido get's hyper-charged it's going to look for an outlet. While that is great that you are turning to your husband, I feel the danger lies in the escalation that is happening and the shame that comes with your actions that are getting you aroused in the first place. It sounds like you have a problem and the good news is that you recognize that too. That's the first step to getting help. ;)
  11. erikafontes

    erikafontes New Fapstronaut

    Hello Eeeeeeeeee7777777, I also had the same problem, a few years ago I visited many sex chat sites, at first I did it for fun, but soon after it became an addiction and my life broke down and I spent a lot of time and money. A friend advised me to seek help from a psychologist and after many attempts I paid attention. Now I am no longer addicted to these pages and I have a very good life
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2017
  12. QCA

    QCA Fapstronaut

    I think staying away from chat with strangers is the way to go, but what about your husband? You were saying that it got you excited and the two of you had sex afterwards, is he perhaps into chat? What if instead of chat rooms the two of you texted each other your thoughts, and this could become something fun and positive for you both?
  13. yuki456

    yuki456 New Fapstronaut

    A pity that people lose their personal lives by this type of additions
  14. yuki456

    yuki456 New Fapstronaut

    I have a lot of sex addiction and I usually connect two or three hours every day to sex chat pages. Which pages are the best for you?
  15. IAmLegion

    IAmLegion Fapstronaut

    Welcome to nofap.

    Here, we don't fap.

    So please do reconsider your question.
    Tannhauser and Jennica like this.

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