Sex chat adsiction

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Peaksoft 27, Nov 20, 2019.

  1. Peaksoft 27

    Peaksoft 27 New Fapstronaut

    I dont know how to clearly explain this but let me try, so I think I am a sex chat addict. Initially I used to think I am 'naughty', however, tight now I see it differently, I started off from talking dirty to gals on my contact list, escalating the chat with those who played along, others blocked me, I lost a few friends in the prices, this was like 2 years ago. The few chats that escended to more sex regular sex chats with exchange of explicit content between us. I started having several chat lines so that one would be available when I needed a sex chat. I would request nudes and videos from gals, and after they send and I must abate I would no longer find chating with them Intresting so I had to look for another new person. I started seeing this as a game of which I felt like a winner anytime I managed to convince a lady for a sex chat, then nudes, then a video call then eventually sex. To get new numbers I joined dating sites and opened fake social media accounts on fb n Tinder, I recently lost my job, 2 months ago, nothing related to the addiction. So I now work online.! The addiction has escalated to a level where I spend a whole day in bed sex chating with one lady after the other, I feel the need to work but the temptation to just sit in bed and enjoy the sex chat overwhelms me, I have procrastinated alot of things oflate to just sex chat. I have a girlfriend who doesn't know the issue, and we never sex chat, I don't find it Intresting with her. Anybody who has been through the same to help me out, I have tried deleting porn on my phone but when the urge to sex chat comes I re download. I have fake accounts I intend to close them. What can I do, I feel stuck
    GregHill likes this.
  2. IAmLegion

    IAmLegion Fapstronaut

    Step 1: delete the accounts
    Step 2: install blocking software on your pc
    Step 3: develop life skills / get another degree / work out (self-development of any sort)
    Step 4: go out and hit on chicks irl; not girls who are just looking for sex. Build connections with people.
    Step 5: Life life, get laid, have good fun

    ^oversimplified, but this is the general route you must follow.
    GregHill and Wugazi32 like this.
  3. quarter

    quarter New Fapstronaut

    Hey @Peaksoft I totally understand your struggle. I have nearly the same circumstances, with the same issue that's developed over many years, and I'm just now realizing that porn isn't so much the root of my issue, just a symptom of an underlying inability to maintain self control with sexual compulsive behaviors. If anything, my behavior has escalated alongside of my attempt to avert from porn over the years.

    I think behaviors like this are just as addictive as porn. We now have access to hundreds to thousands of people, either anonymously, or through social apps, and I think this might still classify as hyper stimulation (super stimulus), so we can at least think of it in the same terms as porn - it's still a behavior that's developed and solidified through repetition, causing sensitization, desensitization, hypofrontality. Further more, it has it's collection of consequences, not immediately severe perhaps, but just as costly.

    I'm still searching for the answers myself. I wish it was something I could just turn off, but it hasn't been that easy. Here's my current strategy to work through this:

    1. Journal - Take a daily snapshot of my journey. See what emotions/feelings I'm dealing with for the day. Journal about my triggers/cues and relapses. No judgement, just honesty. Analyze the ritual. Notice that it's typically a long chain of events (emotions, situations). For example, a recipe might be:
    anxiety/environment/boredom -> thoughts about chat apps -> anxiety of abstaining -> excitement -> curiosity -> install app -> risk -> excitement -> visual stimulation ......
    2. Plan my Days and Weeks - Try to get more strict with my schedule, even personal hobbies, or periods to relax (rewards)
    3. Track my habits I'm trying to change - Read a book daily, exercise daily, mediate daily - but try to limit to 3, I tend to overwhelm myself with grandiose ideas.
    4. Keep Learning - nofap, even though my situation isn't specifically porn related, much of the information applies. Also read a lot of books about OCD, emotions, psychology
    5. Review/Revise the list of consequences associated with the behaviors - This is tough, because the consequences don't always seem so tragic. But either is sugar, then one day you indulge, then again, and again, THEN you have cavities. years later, A root canal. more years later, 3 root canals. fake teeth. etc

    In the past I've had 90+ day reboots, only to be easily sucked back in by an old contact I used to enjoy sexting with. I would suggest deleting all your old contacts. I'm also using OpenDNS as a buffer. Unfortunately, for me, it's been easy to get around these type of things, so they are only a crutch. I realize that this power, this self control, needs to be developed and built from within, on a daily basis.

    Good luck to anyone with the same struggle.
    GregHill likes this.
  4. Tryinghardtoquit2

    Tryinghardtoquit2 Fapstronaut

    Hi friend I used to be a big chatter myself sexting etc. It is everybit as addictive as porn. I used to see it as not cheating or better than banging girls irl as I wasn't hurting anyone. It got pretty out of hand and it was ultimately me behaving in ways that were well outside my values.

    I am on a long streak at the moment and have been doing well. My tips are:

    1. Admit you have a problem and always tell the truth to yourself about your addiction no matter what.

    2. Make a decision to quit and go all in for your recovery. Anything less than 100% will not work.

    3. Replace unhealthy habits with positive habits. Put down phone and exercise etc.

    Your ability to quit lies solely with you and only you. Your family and friends can't do it for you. You have to choose to quit.

    All the best
    quarter, Wugazi32 and GregHill like this.

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