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Sex doesn't feel as amazing as PMO

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by StrongWolf, Nov 15, 2018.

  1. StrongWolf

    StrongWolf Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    I am a 26 yo single male. Been using porn since 9-10 yo. I've lost my virginity at the age of 24 to a prostitute (I know, big mistake, I couldn't even keep an erection back then). I've started doing NoFap since ~3 years ago. My longest streak was ~40 days, I have yet to hit the 90 days, but I've made progress.
    As a small sum-up of my progress, these are my rough numbers in the past years:
    2001-2015: average of 20-25 days total of Nofap per year
    2016: ~150 days of NoFap total
    2017: ~200 days of NoFap total
    2018: ~250 NoFap total

    Since 2 years ago, I've started working on myself as human: health, hobbies, reading, socializing, dating and meeting girls. All good in this aspect.
    I've had sex with 3 girls so far, one was the prostitute(again, don't do this virgin people out there, it's not worth it), one I was in a friends with benefits relationship (which again, I don't recommend for various emotional reasons, you just feel hollow at the end of it) and with one girl with whom I've also been in a dedicated relationship, but only for 1 month. This felt a little better, since we also liked each other, being committed to one-another for the time we were together. I've decided to end it, since we didn't quite fit in terms of life goals and values alignment, but it was ok all-in-all.

    What I want to point out is that sex, which I obsessed a great deal of my life about not getting, meaning penis penetrating the vagina doesn't feel...that great? or should I say.. as great as PMO, not even a real blowjob. It's weird, and maybe a little sad, but for some reason, I got more pleasure from masturbating by watching other people having sex and getting a blowjob than getting a blowjob and having sex myself.

    It's going to get technical here, but bear with me: The grip of the vagina doesn't feel as tight as that of the hand, which isn't as arousing for me.

    I'm afraid that my penis might be too small, maybe not wide enough (I'm about 13.5cm/5.3inch in length and about 12cm/4.5 inch in width ) and/or the girl vagina is too loose, hence why I feel a very weak grip of the vagina on the penis compared to that of the hand OR, and this might be the real culprit here, that a BIG part of this is the desensitization that comes from years of heavy porn usage, and things might get better with a full reset, but I'm curious if other people had similar experiences and how should I look at it?
     
  2. Stay away from porn and you will like sex more
     
  3. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

  4. your penis is ok. It is not even near the smaller ones. trust me, as a bisexual man I have seen plenty of penises. Yes, there is big and small penises and different vagina sizes as well. But if every man that has the penis size you have would suffer from not enjoying sex there would be a lot of frustration in the world indeed. I think that is not the case.

    Don't compare yourself to porn stars. Btw. my wife told me about her encounter with a guy that had a really big one and it just hurt her. So please do yourself a favour and accept your member as it is.

    Yes, edging for hours to porn can feel more exciting than real sex, especially when the new relationship energy has gone a long time ago. But doesn't porn also make you feel a bit empty and lonely? That's what it does to me. I often feel I just envy the porn models. The fulfilment, at least for me, is to have sex with real people, even if it does not last for so long as the hours of edging.

    At the end of the day, it is your choice. You can stay with porn. Maybe you can do both. I had to learn the hard way that I cannot have both.
     
    GA93JDeereboy and Jason_Tesla_19 like this.
  5. the reason sex is boring and not pleasurable is because porn has warped your mind, porn is so much more exciting and releases a lot more dopamine for addicts than sex because sex is considered boring compared to all porn has to offer. You need to do a full no pmo reboot, trust me once your mind is normal again sex will become awesome.
     
    Romans 6 23 likes this.
  6. Romans 6 23

    Romans 6 23 Fapstronaut

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    I think because you started porn at such a young age and combined with the death grip you prefer pmo to sex. I started MO at 12, and lost my virginity at 15. and started pmo around 17, but didnt become a regular user of pmo until 2010 (age 21).. So I have always used pmo as a substitute for the real thing.

    Also, i agree 100% on friends with benefits. I had 2 gfs that became FWB. Leaves you feeling very empty.
     
  7. StrongWolf

    StrongWolf Fapstronaut

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    Sorry, I meant circumference ,not width.
     
    Jason_Tesla_19 likes this.
  8. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    Death grip should get better after your reboot
     
  9. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    I think the problem is the lack of a relationship.

    If you are doing a hookup or one nighter then you expect everything and will ultimately end up in disappointment. For example, you might have six favorite positions or things that you want to do. You cannot do all six thus you will never be satisfied.

    In a relationship you can try two positions one time, two other positions the next time and so forth. In a relationship you can discuss what each of you enjoy before you become intimate.

    It is easier and tastier to eat a slice of cake per helping, instead of attempting to gorge the entire cake in one sitting.
     
  10. aramadhanp

    aramadhanp Fapstronaut

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    I think the most important thing is how we can accept our self with the size of our penis. we can not change it but we can decide to accept the reality of what we have (penis) and living peacefully. True love will accept us not because the size of our penis but with our paradigm of looking the world, our habituation, and our love each other.
     

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