Sex during reboot? Having sex dysfunctions

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Brynna, May 24, 2017.

  1. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    So i was thinking about this a lot today. I'm not doing Hard mode because I am married. But I'm trying to abstain from PM.

    I've been addicted to porn since I was a child, and struggled with it on and off through the years. When I met my current husband, it was around the time I had stopped PMO once again. I was able to O almost every time we were intimate. The past couple years I sadly have gone back to PMO. Over these last few years I watched my sexual response to real life situations decrease to about nothing. I had a 98 day streak a few months back and that was the closest thing I got to O without P. I at least felt close.

    The problem is my libido is very high. But I can't O without P. I am about to be on day 7 no P or M. And I don't think I can do Hard mode because my husband shouldn't suffer due to my addiction.

    But it's really bad. Last time we were intimate I couldn't even get wet. And I felt no arousal, all I felt was pressure. I am attracted to my husband and he does a good job, but my body won't respond.

    Do you guys think I need to do Hard mode? Even just for a month?
     
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  2. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
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    Not being able to O and your system not lubricating may be separate issues. Historically, has it functioned normally? Are there other hormonal changes going on that could explain the sudden dryness?
     
  3. M.asdf

    M.asdf Fapstronaut

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    Go to doctor
     
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  4. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    Lubrication, yes, in the past. But I'm not getting aroused at all in real life. When I watch P I lubricate more than just fine. It's a P issue not a medical one I'm 99% sure.

    All I know is I've been losing my arousal and orgasms in real life but not to P
     
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  5. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    No hormonal changes.
     
  6. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
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    If you think you want to go hard mode, discuss it with your husband. Make it a joint venture. If you go hard mode use the opportunity to find other ways to express love and intimacy that don't involve sex.

    One last question - any birth control changes? (new type, an implant that stopped, anything)?
     
  7. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    Nope I've had the same IUD the last 3 years, and it's a non hormonal one so as long as my body isn't whacked out it should be fine hormonally
     
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  8. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    I'm just wondering if Hard mode would actually help. Otherwise I'll just keep doing p and m and see if anything changes for the better
     
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  9. rooftops52

    rooftops52 Fapstronaut

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    I think your husband should understand. Before starting my reboot I've talked with my GF and she was extremely understanding of it. And believe me, that helps a lot. A relaxed conversation goes a long way :)
     
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  10. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    I still feel bad though! This isn't his fault and i really hope i dont have to do hardmode
     
  11. Second_chance

    Second_chance Fapstronaut

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    Maybe you weren't in the mood for sex? Anyway I would abstain from PM indefinitely and see how you respond to that.
     
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  12. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
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    No, it's not fair. But in theory, y'all are in it "for better and worse, in sickness and health." This is one of those times.
     
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  13. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    It's not that. My libido is high. I was definitely in the mood and really really reaaaaly wanted it. And this wasn't one occurrence. I'm talking year and a half two years we have sex at least once usually three times a week and I haven't been able to O literally as soon as I got back into my Porn watching habit. I was watching every day or every other day. After that It started to happen
     
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  14. M.asdf

    M.asdf Fapstronaut

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    بعد فترة من الانتعاش كل شيء سيكون على ما يرام، لأن الجسم يعود الى النشوة الجنسية من خلال مشاهدة، فإنه يحتاج إلى فترة حتى تعود إلى وضعها الطبيعي
     
  15. Conrad Aether

    Conrad Aether Fapstronaut

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    Maybe its not my place to say but, have you tried other methods for reaching O? I mean letting your husband do all the work, not to be lazy but just to be able to enjoy yourself. I find it helpful when I'm with my GF to go by turns, normally I help her and then the usual. It might not solve your problem in one go, but maybe going by turns with your husband might help in the future, so you both can enjoy being intimate naturally.
    And of course you should let your husband know about this, I know its hard but the rewards from that one conversation really outweigh the awkwardness of the initial talk.

    Good luck!
     
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  16. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
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    Conrad Aether likes this.
  17. QCA

    QCA Fapstronaut

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    So it seems like your body is doing what it is supposed to when watching porn but not during real sex? And the hard mode soultion is burdensome on your husband.

    Would it be workable for you to abstain from sexual intercourse but to still go for oral or manual for him? I worry about this total abstinence thing for you...you seem to value physical intimacy and dont want to burden your partner with this. It could be easy to start feeling guilty in a mutual period of total abstinence. And that might have consequences on your emotional intimacy which is no good.

    As a random dude on the internet I advise lay off of the intercourse but be physically intimate and unless he wants to join you in abstinence solidarity go for the occaisional oral sex.
     
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  18. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    Yeah we've tried pretty much every way possible. Things that would have worked in seconds no longer work even.
     
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  19. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, Intimacy is a really important part of relationships. The physical aspect is really connected to the emotional aspect. My husband isn't much of a talker. Of course he tells me how important I am to him. But he's a big advocate of "actions speak louder than words and so he doesn't talk much. He's always shown love by doing things. Giving flowers, taking me out, and intimacy. With PMO messing me up emotionally and breaking his trust, saying no to intimacy at all is just a no no. But this is a good suggestion. I don't have to just leave out all intimacy. I don't know why I never considered this
     
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  20. Txqjacki

    Txqjacki Fapstronaut

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    Your brain only currently responds to and releases dopamine when you watch porn. Clearly a porn addiction issue. You will have to quit porn and rewire your brain to feel arousal and release dopamine when you engage in real life sexual intercourse. There's no quick fix though. It will take a long time without porn, to rewire your brain. Try quitting porn for good, and start to rewire your brain into getting aroused and release dopamine with normal activities.
     

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