Sex during reboot? Having sex dysfunctions

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Brynna, May 24, 2017.

  1. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    Yeah you are right about not quick. I had a 98 day streak a while back and that didn't even fix it. It was a little better but barely
     
  2. Txqjacki

    Txqjacki Fapstronaut

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    It's different for everybody. Some will be over it in 30 days, some in 120 days, some it will take years. Just gotta keep the grind going. I recently discovered an app called "Brainbuddy" which keeps you accountable. It gives you tasks every day, and checks in with you every day to see if you used porn. Once you've used it a while it tracks data such as what days you are most likely to feel tempted, and in what situations you feel most tempted, so you can avoid those situations. Give it a shot, might help you out :)
     
  3. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    Wow cool!! Thanks for telling me about it!! I'm definitely gonna get It :)
     
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  4. Star Lord

    Star Lord Fapstronaut

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    I think do hardmode @Brynna
    Hopefully the time away from any kind of sexual release will work with the high libido to get the desired effect from sex by the end.

    Starving the brain of something intensifies the feeling from it when you have some after a while without it.

    Think sugar for example.
    When someone cuts out sugar completely. Zero sugar diet. Then they have something sugary after say a month. The flavour and pleasure you get is bliss after so long without.

    So the same thing should hopefully be the case about going without any kind of sexual release for a month then when you are in the mood and cannot contain yourself it should in theory be much better for you.

    I also think that other issue is a key factor in the whole thing as well.
     
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  5. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    If you are physically able to orgasm (with porn) then my only guess is that the obstacle is in your mind. It is unlikely that it is a medical or dietary issue.

    Perhaps, the problem is that you are not relaxing. The more you think to yourself that you have to orgasm, the more likely you will not orgasm - you will feel guilty and your husband will feel frustrated.

    Life is not about orgasms. Porn makes us think this way.

    Hold hands, go for a walk together, have a romantic dinner, talk to one another, kiss and cuddle.

    If you are turned on and relaxed mentally, the orgasm induced by your husband should eventually return.
     
  6. Happy Man

    Happy Man Fapstronaut

    It's all the porn images in your head, you need to rewire back to your husband. That is why you're no longer wet, when you're with him.

    You need to quit P and M for good. You need to speak to your husband, this will really helps. I spoke to my GF about my ED problems and she was relieved. She knows about nofap. It feels so good to open up to her. She was really understanding when my penis shrunk the second time round. If I didn't tell her, she wouldn't understand why my penis has shrunk. She might think it's her that is not turning me on. When you speak to him about it, you will feel so good.

    When your both naked, look into his eyes and just talk. Tell him, you love him. It's really important to feel his love. Him being in the moment with you, will turn you on so much. Talk about anything. Don't worry if your not turned on, this will happen within time. Just be comfortable talking to him. You have all the time in the world. Love is what's going to help you get rewired.

    Hand holding, cuddling and kissing is always good. I agree with Veritech

    Hard mode is not a bad idea, you need to speak to him. You're man will always appreciate a HJ or BJ. I feel it will be hard for him to understand if you withdraw intimacy from him.

    With my GF. I always have foreplay with her and go down on her. I like to turn her on, even when I'm not hard. It helps me with re wiring because i want her to be happy and the love and connection forms more. I wouldn't worry too much if you don't feel much during foreplay. Your senses will return over time.

    It's very important not to relapse. You deserve a normal life, we all do. You have to feel the urges and let it past. Even if you have a couple of sleepiness nights, be strong.
     
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  7. fuzzywaz

    fuzzywaz Fapstronaut

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    Here's my two cents, not as a PA, but as a woman. You should definitely completely stop P and M because it is definitely, likely a big part of the issue. I would say hard mode initially to break the addiction to Oing. A lot of people don't seem to get the addiction can be not only to P, but to O itself. If you are needing to O to deal with stress or boredom, then you are self medicating with it.
    As for the not being able to get turned on with your partner I think doing hard mode will likely help with that. I also think sometimes in longterm relationships less sex is better than more. I know for myself personally, when I have sex more than once a week with my partner, I am generally not as excited. In monogamous relationships, we can experience habituation. I think having sex too often just exasperates it. I much more prefer, (and experience way more excitement), when we put a bit of space between sexual encounters. It allows for the sexual tension to build and it creates more cravings for the person. Try and have a lot of boding based touch and cuddling, even naked cuddling on the nights when you don't have sex. This not only creates all kinds of bonding chemicals and makes you feel closer to your partner, but it also creates some sexual tension. Your partner could be the best lover in the world, but if you do it everyday there is no way it would remain exciting indefinitely. Our culture is so obsessed with O and the idea that more is always better, that when couples are experiencing boredom, the advice is always "more sex!" But I honestly think it makes the habituation worse. It's like eating lobster. If you eat lobster like 3 nights a week, it would loss it's appeal pretty quick. You should get the book "cupid's poison arrow". It all about habituation in monogamous relationships and how to stay 'in love' with your partner.
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2017
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  8. Brynna

    Brynna Fapstronaut

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    This is very interesting! And it's nice to hear from another woman :) we are trying hard mode for one month is all he agreed to be able to do at first. Which to me is agreeable!

    It's so odd because I feel like I do need and crave him. I guess I don't feel bored with him at all but I get what your saying. Your body doesn't want to respond. And I most definitely am addicted to O now that you mention it! I've been O ing since u was like 7 so it's pretty crazy. I've never went without It.

    Anyways thanks for your input and I will look for that book
     
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  9. McBuster

    McBuster Fapstronaut

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    I may not be able to contribute much, but I'm on no-PMO reboot until I can O during normal sex. From there on I'll continue no-PM. This is more about improving our sex life rather than fighting addiction, but I feel that getting rid of my addiction is necessary in order to reach the primary goal.
     
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  10. mb1989

    mb1989 Fapstronaut

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    I have a similar problem with my GF. In my case, since I started this new reboot, I'm having like a "flatline" period, where I'm simply not aroused. I love her, and I'm attracted to her body, as you are with your husband, but simply the urges are gone. Mabye this is because I'm trying to not think on anything related to P, and since P is the only thing that satisfies me, then I have no urges at all. That will be the cause for you that you're not able to get wet when going intimacy, since your brain is "wired" to turn on only when you watch P.
    I think that if you want to go hard mode, you should tell your husband, because ultimately is the only solution to your sexual dysfunction.
    On my side, I 'm not brave enough to tell my GF my problem, which is not good, because she thinks that she is the one guilty for me not being able to O during sex.
     
  11. McBuster

    McBuster Fapstronaut

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    I would highly recommend talking to your GF/BF/SO about the problem. This will likely help increase emotional intimacy between two of you which is always good and also clarify that it's not her/his fault.
     
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