Sex during the first 90 days

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by celo.rinaldi, Jul 20, 2020.

  1. celo.rinaldi

    celo.rinaldi Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys. I want to know how bad is having real sex during the reboot process ?
    We need to wait complete at least 90 days ?
     
  2. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    90 days mean nothing.
     
  3. When All Light Dies

    When All Light Dies Fapstronaut

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    I answered this somewhere else just today, so I will just copy/paste my last reply:

    Figure out what works best for you. In theory, yes, rewiring the brain to see real sex as the thing to pursue would be beneficial.
    But for me: Real girls were the reason I lost a LOT of streaks.

    Obviously, nofap makes you really horny, so I never lasted more than a week or two before I started installing a dating app and getting me a girl to have intercourse with (or even start a relationship with).

    Unfortuantely, this always activated the chaser effect and made me relapse. Hell, even the texting/sexting in the lead up to the first date would make me relapse sometimes.

    This time I am trying hard mode for the first time, which... well is REALLY hard. But let's see if I can last longer this way.

    [​IMG]
     
  4. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    The "chaser effect" is the damage already done. It's the consequence of a relapse reinforcing the addiction, not causing one.

    Curing sex addiction means abstaining from sex - with yourself and others - while being in presence of sexual stimulus (for example sexting, but also being with a girl). As a sex addict that means you date and have a fun time, but you don't have sex.

    For a sex addict finding a healthy way to have intimacy is as hard as for an alcohol addict to find a way to "responsible drinking". That "responsable intimacy" could be for example to build emotional bond to another human being first (over months, not days) and then make the conscious choice to go intimate instead of losing control and reacting to sexual stimulus and arousal like a Pawlow dog.
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2020
  5. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    If you are married have sex with your wife and stop looking at porn. Put your effort into your spouse. If you are single abstain. Seems about what I can come up with.
     
    StarRider likes this.
  6. Brutis2020

    Brutis2020 New Fapstronaut

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    my first post. I've been in a reboot for 60 days, forst time ever. Did pmo since a child. Married 20 years very little sex life.
    I quit drinking 3 years ago and the point addiction was never addressed. I'm in a new relationship and my girlfriend is very supportive of my reboot but is becoming increasingly impatient. I just don't have the urges. I've read about erectile dysfunction but this is ridiculous.
    Very scared insecure but I'm not going to give in im very motivated.
    Please, advise. When should I try sex again
     
  7. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    Why are you in a relationship in the first place? What's your goal with that? You're clearly not going into another marriage making new kids, aren't you?

    You don't need a "girlfriend" for beating sex addiction - that's actually contra-productive for that.
     
  8. Brutis2020

    Brutis2020 New Fapstronaut

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    Sorry divorced 3 years ago. Been in this new relationship first relationship since divorce. Incredible woman and very supportive of this reboot. This relationship means a lot to me and because of that I want to make the changes necessary. I'm also reaching out locally for treatment
     
  9. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    So your motivation to stop PMO is extrinsic and your relationship is based on neediness as well. As a man with this mindset you set yourself up for failure.
     
  10. TheBigJ

    TheBigJ Fapstronaut

    Bro I have read few of your posts and gotta say you know your stuff. Much common sense that many men here don't have.
     
    StarRider likes this.
  11. He's very smart, one of our best posters.
     
  12. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    Don't worry, that's just a temporary effect of NeverFap. My old dumb self is still waiting down there to surface again. ;):D
     
    FellatiousD likes this.

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