Sex for the first time, with the rigth person, but still nervous.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by SorryWontSayIt, Apr 10, 2018.

  1. first of all, you seem a very sweet person :emoji_blush:
    i gave my first kiss and lost my virginity at 21 even if i am a girl (now 26) so i understand perfectly what your fears and worries are

    being still virgin and waiting for a person that is worth of it is nothing to be ashamed of, it is actually more than fair and beautiful :)

    try to relax about your "performance". plus usually the first time with a new person is usually not amazing. first you should know each other body, have more confidence with the other person what counts is the connection and making that moment special. i mean you are choosing her to have sex for the first time and you are putting thought into it, you are actively choosing her instead of happening randomly. she should be proud you chose for this

    for tips, before you are gonna be a lot stressed and nervous but when you will be with her everything is gonna be ok :) it is natural, start with the attraction between you two, start kissing and kiss her chest, then when you are ready with your p for s. go for it. when you are with her, all your worries will be gone by the time you start kissing her. it will be easier than you think. when you are in the moment, all your fears will disappear and you will let your body and the physical attraction guide you. also while in the moment you could "ask" her to guide you or see stuff she likes

    but please don't forget yourself when you are in a relationship. your reboot is so important for your wellbeing and happiness, don't throw away your 45 days. a relationship should be a nice side but not the main course, not the only reason you can function and be happy. please never forget this
     
  2. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    412
    718
    93
    Thank you! :)

    Will try to not forget about myself! :) Even tho this is the first time I really have got feelings for a person I will just have to hold it a bit back so I don't lose myself hehe.

    Thanks for the tips too! :)

    So the first time I try to initiate sex if she does not, should I try touch her a bit more then we already do and just see how she react? I am ofcours a bit nervous to initiate too, not just because it is my first time, but I don't want her to feel uncomfortable if she does not want or so.

    I it good if I for example start kissing bit ligth touching, maybe kiss her down the neck or something and see how she reacts to that?
     
  3. SheMonk

    SheMonk Fapstronaut

    297
    798
    93
    Kiss her and lightly touch her clothed, starting from the top down. Neck, chest, legs, butt - and at last, groin area (clothed) if it seems okay with her. You'll easily figure out if she is uncomfortable. She'll either tell you, remove your hand or withdraw. It's not difficult to discern in the situation, but we can't tell you what she'll be okay with as we don't know her. ;)

    Also, again, you could just tell her you're a virgin and let her lead the first time.
     
  4. Sorry i just saw your message now but I am happy to help you :)
    make sure she wants to have s. with you and see how her body reacts to you kissing her. you can tell if she is more excited when kissing you and move to the next step. i think though the best way is to be vocal and ask her if she is virgin and if she wants to have s. with you. what has she done so far with you? is she shy? did she kiss you on the neck, ears, bit your lip bottom etc. does she know what she does and is confident in this kind for stuff?

    i just tell you this. a couple of times i had few guys that even if we didn't have clothes on and in bed they tried to have sex with me and even if i liked kissing them i didn't want to have sex in that moment (it was too soon or i just wanted to cuddle in that moment with the guy). i was afraid they would have raped me coz they insisted several times, opening my legs. they could have done that coz they were stronger than me annd i got scared quite a bit. please be careful and make sure she wants to have sex with you and in that moment. ask her. be direct. let her feel protected. make sure she says yes and agrees. that is fundamental
     
  5. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    412
    718
    93
    Hi, things have changed a little bit it seems! :,)

    Everything seemed to work out, but now things suddenly changed. We texted a bit after the meeting and then we went a bit scilent for one day. Monday she texted me and we started talking a bit. I asked if she wanted to hang out, and she told me she had a busy week and had to wait before we choose a day.

    Today I saw I could not meet her too later this week, so I suggested that we maybe meet in the start of the next week. She opened my text, but did not respond. Ofcours I hope she is just busy (because she have already done the same thing before), She was at work, did not text me after I asked her out then she responded she was busy late that day. Now I ask her out again, no respons - I can just see that she opened my text. have a bad feeling still :\ I was so sure, but suddenly it changed. But I hope tho :, )

    I can see she is a lot less active on social medias when I am online myself chatting, but I would think she at least would respond something after we have dated for one month now... but at the same time, she told me last date she would be busy too... I really don't know :,| Best thing would just be a respons negative or positive so i could atleast know for sure...
     
  6. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

    1,227
    2,025
    143
    Well, who knows what's going on...
    Everything is going quickly enough nowadays, anyway. Just remain patient. You can't force anything. You have to take it for what it is. [May be you should text or chat less, and phone or meet instead. You don't need to ask each other how you are doing every single day. Nor do you need to know where she is and what she is doing at any given second.]
     
    SheMonk and SorryWontSayIt like this.
  7. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    412
    718
    93
    Yeah, I did not text her on monday, but she texted me so I repsonded to her text. Sent her one snap on tuesday, did not say anything on wednesday, then asked her again today.

    I try to text/phone less and meet more instead. But I and her are both very busy people sadly so we are not able to meet too much :\ So for me at least texting was helping to keep us closer a bit. But I will just see what happens trough the day. If she does not respond this day, I guess I will just let her go. I just hate that if she texted me on monday and saturday then just decline me for no reason.

    But I will give her time to repsond, since she already told me she would be busy this week and this day. And I won't text her again until she text me if she does. She knows that I am up for a new meeting, she have to choose what she wants now.

    Thanks for tips and support again :,)
     
  8. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    412
    718
    93
    Update: Well, she texted me back. But in a whole diffrent topic... wtf... and I was hoping for an answer...

    What should I do now...? She still text me, but not regarding the topic of meeting. Is this something girls to when unsure or what?

    Should I ask her out again in a few days, wait if she text me back later again or what?
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2018
  9. Piotr2000

    Piotr2000 Fapstronaut

    31
    49
    18
    Damn man :/. It's of course important to be patient but it looks like she's losing interest. Atleast that's how i'm seeing it right now. You can keep trying to text her, but from my expirience you should just stop texting her for a while. See if she texts you first. If she doesn't it's pretty obvious she's not interested :/
     
  10. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    412
    718
    93
    Yeah, I feel the same. Thats why I hate that she keeps texting me even tho (for now I will say (maybe) losing interest). If shes not into me anymore why do she even bother?

    The days I go quiet she text me, but the days when I am not quiet she does not text me. I feel like she is just holding me back and it freaking me out.

    The worst part is that I asked her to hang out, no respons to that question, but still she text me back with a whole diffrent topic? Why would she do that.. if shes not intrested? Fuck :( I was so happy for the few minutes I saw she had written to me, and all I get is some random topic.. (The topic was regarding her busy that, which I know she have... but why not give me an answer atleast if she takes the time to text me at all)
     
  11. Piotr2000

    Piotr2000 Fapstronaut

    31
    49
    18
    That's an annoying situation dude. But honestly i have no clue why she would bother doing that. I've expirienced the same thing. But i don't have enough expirience to give a clear awnser. Since i'm literally the same as you (but i'm 19). I guess only time will tell from now on. Just text her sometimes but try not to come over as "thirsty". That's the only advice a can still give you. :/
     
  12. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    412
    718
    93
    Thanks for the support :,| Really means a lot, yeah. I guess I won't text her for a few days at least. I will admit I have been a bit unsure lately how she feels, so today I was hoping to get answers. But all she showed me was mixed signals. I hate her because of that, but damn I enjoyed spending time with her. I guess I will give her a few more days to think or what ever her situation is. She may as she have told me actually be busy. Who knows, but I guess if she really liked me she would "always" have a small amount of time to show me that she actually care. But again, she have been busy like this before, and when we did hang out she understood that I felt a bit hurt on some way and she caared a lot the time we spent when we actually were together.

    I guess I have made it clear how I feel. Now I will just let her choose, even tho that I tried to make her choose today. Maybe even she does not know what she wants and thats why. I will just try do what I need to do when it comes to school and work. Try to get myself busy even tho it is hard to focus when i am so unsure and have so many feelings going on.

    Again, sorry if I spam the forums guys... it is just that I am afarid I will not let myself get feelings for an other person again... I have always blocked feelings out, because I was scared... and now I meet the reason why I blocked feelings..
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2018
  13. Piotr2000

    Piotr2000 Fapstronaut

    31
    49
    18
    It's normal you're scared in your situation. And defenetly if you never had feelings for someone like that. I've only had that once and trust me it's not easy to forget that person. But trust me it'l be alright, i know sounds like bullshit but it will. She'll either start texting you and wanting to hangout. Or she will kinda let it fade out wich defenetly sucks. But either way just keep your head up dude!
     
  14. i understand what you are going through. the first period when dating someone is so unstable. it could end easily and one of the person involved lose interest or both. for me, i have started to sort of date a guy that i was started to like a lot. then i got emotional, got hugely depressed and acted needy as hell. this Tuesday he even cancelled on me and i was going to text him in an angry way coz honestly that really pissed me off and felt sad. i was happy when i knew i was gonna meet him

    so instead of texting him angrily that would have made look like a crazy girl and make him even less interested i replied with "ok" and in these days i have concentrated on other people to text and take care of myself and in improving my self-esteem (gym, pub, park, talking with some acquaintances etc.) and i feel much better. i was acting so insecure and needy that honestly i was shocked he still replied to my texts. so now i decided i will text him again at the beginning of next week and ask him directly "fancy (insert day)? ;)" thats it. i am a very straight-forwarded person. I already told him i would like to see him again. then the ball is in his court. there is nothing more attractive than being confident. i like to date a confident guy and the same applies to guys

    i blocked my feelings too after being hurt by some exes that hurt me a lot. my advice that i also give to myself is to go step by step when dating at the beginning and have a good life on your own and not put too many expectations on someone else and be positive. Positive thoughts attract positive situations, read about the law of attraction it is true i tested it out several times :) also the movie "the secret"
     
  15. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    412
    718
    93
    I know the ball is in her court now. But should I maybe give some sort of same text in one week, if she have not texted me yet? Just a simple text, one week later?

    Or do you guys think I should just forget her if she does not contact me?
     
  16. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

    1,227
    2,025
    143
    How about doing both?
     
  17. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    412
    718
    93
    Wait one week and text her, if not working out then forget her?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  18. what was the last text you exchanged? i would say you have nothing to lose, i'd say wait a week since your last text exchange (clear your mind, do things that make you feel good, recharge and then text her with confidence) and ask if she wants to meet a day you choose with an emoji like a simple smile or winky face, slighty flirty if she is attracted to you this would be enough to caught her attention again. be explicit, get to the point. then it is yes or no and from then you can move forward. take this week to get more detached and come back stronger and alpha male
     
    Piotr2000 and SorryWontSayIt like this.
  19. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    412
    718
    93
    Monday she texted me as she used to do of a tv show we both liked. We started chatting and I asked if she wanted to hangout later this week. She told me she had to see trough the week because she would be really busy (which I actually knew she would be). Then I sent a snapchat picture on tuesday of a tv show we talked about too, and we did not talk on wednesday. On thursday I sent her a message that I would not be able to meet to, so I asked if she wanted to meet next monday or tuesday instead? She did not answer to that. Later that they she sent me a picture of something regarding she selling a car.

    I was hoping for a answer yesterday since she gave a bit "mixed" answer on monday, even she contacted me. And I don't understand why she would text me the same day I asked her to hang out again, one a whole diffrent topic.

    After that we have not talked. So not sure what I should do. Will I be creepy if I wait one week and text or should I just give it a shot and not care too much what she thinks if I do so?
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2018
  20. Piotr2000

    Piotr2000 Fapstronaut

    31
    49
    18
    I couldn't agree more. Try this dude this is honestly some great advice
     

Share This Page