Sex for the first time, with the rigth person, but still nervous.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by SorryWontSayIt, Apr 10, 2018.

  1. Thank you for your support :) I do appreciate it
    it didn't work out in the end. i wish it did but it did not. i spoke with my mom even after he texted me back eventually. that made me feel a bit better. i am still hurt though. going to focus and love myself so much. i need to love myself always. we both need to stay strong

    in this post i put the text he wrote me. can you give me your honest opinion on what he meant?
  2. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    Really difficult for me to know if he tells the truth or not since I don't know him. But from my view (sorry if I sound a bit rude), it sounds like you are better without him. I may be wrong. Since you are scared he recorded you two having sex, maybe thats not the rigth person, if you belive he actually may do something like that?

    At the same time he may tell the truth and you (and I do it) - overthink a lot.

    Really sorry if I don't give any good answer or the answer you wanted to hear. As you may understand I am not the best person when it comes to relationships. This is the first time I have been close to a relationship, so I don't have too much experience.

    Even tho, I wish you a lot of luck - stay strong! Time will pass and I think we both will learn from the pain, and it will be a lot easier to handle the pain we are open and talking with people about it. I almost lost my mind before I started talking to a family member. I was unsure about education, work, the girl, everything. I felt like I had been going downhill for a longer time except the relationship, that took a bit of a turn the last two weeks now. Because of the last turn in the relationship I almost broke down. I lost a lot of hope. Friends starting to ask where I was, why I was never working out anymore, why I did not get online on social medias etc. The worst part, but that I never told someone, was that I got shit drunk at a party, when i got hope I totally broke down. I had never seen myself so broken, and I have always been a person making other smile - always happy myself. So I understood that I needed help. (Never had any alchol problem, but it scared me how I that one time used alchol to "fix" my feelings, but it just got worse).

    I have a never been a person that get feelings easy for someone, but when i first get... they are usually strong as hell... thats why I always try to run away before I get feelings for someone... but I was not able this time.. :,)

    Today, just a few days later after I told someone, I feel a lot better. I think at least, that I know where it went wrong, and I guess every part of my life was a reason why I was overthinking. If it does not work out with the girl okey, I have still learnt a lot! :) And I am now atleast able to look into the future with a happy face, not a hopeless face.

    I am sure you find the rigth person one day, I can just see with my friends and family. They have been hearthbroken too. They thougth they had found the rigth person, 2-3 relationsships before, but now they are more happy, with an whole diffrent person.

    Good luck! :)


    The girl I have been dating now started texting me yesterday again. Not sure how I will respond to her anymore, she have hurt me a lot, and I need a person (relationship) where we at least answer each others questions. Even tho we have texted a lot - not answering can just make the other become more needy, because they are unsure (I guess I was the needy) - because I started to overthink, which I also think you may (or may not have done). I will just send her a casual snap later this week, see if she (and how she respond). If she ignores it I won't ask her out anymore. If she starts responding, I will _maybe_ consider to give it on last shot next week.

    The only reason why I am willing to give it one last show, is because I am pretty sure I overthinked things, and seemed a bit needy. Now I have been "gone" from her for 3 days, and she started texting me again. I will wait 2-3 days untill I initate any sort of contact, and wait maybe one more week until I ask her one last time out, depending on the 3 days (week before). We had a lot in common, but I guess we are both two busy people, where I also overthink a lot.
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2018
  3. thank you for your words again. I am happy for you that you feel better and heard from her, see if it is worth of your time or just let it go as you wrote. no one can be with someone that doesn't text back or waits a long time for it, it is tiring and a waste of time feeling one person is trying to make it work

    i asked other guys i have been with if they recorded me during s. watching p for 7 years made me paranoid and also the fact i didn't trust them really. s. interaction has so far been ruined for me. i want to have friends. it is incredibile how we think and feel alike. since he sent me that text i broke down 3 times and last night i had a beer and a tequila shot that i puked immediately after when i rushed in the toilet

    i am trying to be strong and i decided i will go out everyday after work, making friends and love myself and feel happy. i don't wanna waste anymore time being sad. i am listening now some nice music to lift me up (one of my favourite one is "Safe and Sound" by Capital Cities and motivational videos)
    SorryWontSayIt likes this.
  4. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    Get busy! :) I am also trying to get busy, hanging out with friends more, working more at school (even tho my focus is a bit worse now adays), watching tv shows, etc.

    Worst part of my day is when I wake up in the morning, when my mind are not busy yet. Best thing I can do then is to get busy as fast as I can, before my mind start rushing with thougths.

    As for me, I don't know how I will handle her texting me again. She have hurt me a lot already, and if I felt like it would not work out earlier because of that, who knows. The only reason why I may give a second chance is because then I can talk with her person to person, and maybe I can understand her better and she can understand me better. Communcation is so important, and it will be a lot easier if we both agree how to communicate.

    Will send her a snap tomorrow, something very casual, and see how she respond (if she does). If not, I will just let go. I am not here for her to get hurt again. Even tho I know she is unsure because of both our life situations, it will be better for me to know then not to know.
  5. thank you :) :) i dunno what but going out these last 2 days including last night was very beneficial to me. i actually have been able after to fall asleep like a baby and usually i struggle with sleeping or i have a tormented sleep. get busy yes and making friends is the way to feel good :) I hope everything is going good for you, today i woke up very positive and all day is going well
    SorryWontSayIt likes this.
  6. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    Great to hear! :)

    It is going a lot better for me too, but I am still a bit unsure. I have been quiet almost a week, but she have contacted me two times (I have answer nicely ofcours). I guess I will give it on more shot, because I hope I can meet her in person so it can be easier to talk. I hate texting when it comes to a bit more "real" talk. It is also a lot easier to understand what a person really wants when we are in person. Last time we meet she understood I did not know what was going on between us, and she did everything to make me feel good again.

    So I won't give too much thougth into it. I will try focus on myself, and not see it as a loss if she don't want to hangout any more, but I will see it as a win if she wants to hang out! :)

    Hoping to ask her to hang out tomorrow. Because this week it has only been her contacting me, and it has been one week since last time I have asked her out. If she wants something serious she should have asked me (but I know shes shy), so I will let myself ask her one more time... even tho I have said so many times now hehe)...

    Still I am feeling better even tho I don't feel like everything is totally back to normaly between us, but I think only a personal meeting can fix that.
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2018
  7. Absolutely :) a meeting face to face is much better than texting until the end of times, you can't explain yourself even with emojis. i like your attitute i am doing the same. not falling sad if i get disappointed and not putting too much expectation in something but having my life full, busy happy and fulfilling :) to be honest i replied yesterday ( so 2 days later) to that text he sent me and he read it immediately. dunno but i feel good even this doesn't go at all and he never replies to me

    from 0:20 especially this video was very motivational and eye-opening, it hit me right in the feels, when you search in the wrong places and try to numb yourself if you have pain and lack of goal and try to find meaning of your life

    and also when he said "fast forward where you are, look at yourself in 10/15/20 years, and ask yourself this question:
    "is there where I want to be? and if the answer is no,you need to find a new path"

    SorryWontSayIt likes this.
  8. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    Well, I asked her to join me for a hike 3 days ago, she was busy again (told me she was at work) - at least thats what she said. And she went to a party with her bestfriend later that day.

    We have not talked since. I guess she was into me she would make more effort to make it work then just telling me she was busy at work. I asked with a short notice, but I guess if she liked me she would ask me to hang out later or something like that (or maybe even bring me to the party?). There has always been me asking her to hang out. The last time we were going to plan when to hang out, she said she had to see when she could, and when I tried to bring it up two times later - she just ignored me. I don't think someone that is really into me would ever do that.


    Maybe a stupid question, and it may be different from each person. But many people think it is most "normal" that the guy asks the girl out at first dates, and I accept that. But when we start dating, how many dates/how far into relationship, are girls normally starting to make effort to ask the man/boy to hang out? Or will girls too make effort normally after first date if that works out? I don't mean just by texting, but actually asking "lets hang out", "lets go to the movies" etc. Because now it was always me asking if she wanted (then we would plan together after I asked).

    - I ask in case a person are dating a shy girl. How difficult will it really be for her to ask a person she likes to hang out, after texting 2-3 months and hanging out 1 time per week the last two months maybe?
    - I ask because, a friend told me that I should just keep making her feel special. But at the same time I have tried. I have made effort a few times now, and I guess I can't do all the work if it is going to work in the long run? (I don't wan to come off creepy, when she have not been accepting the hang out the 3-4 last times).

    Still, I am in many ways happy all this happend. I have learnt a lot I feel - even tho I maybe have a lot more to learn still! I started blaming myself that it did not work out for sometime now, but it is never one persons fault that a relationship does not work. I can just put in effort from my side (that I think is correct), if the other person don't think that amount of effort is enough (or too much), we are just not ment to be. But that is not her fault or my fault. We just have to look for someone that fit us both better.

    I really enjoyed the video you posted. I will actually watch it one more time, because I want to dig deeper into what he is actually saying.
    The part of the video where he started talking about work and jobs, some people have the result as millionairs. We "all" want a lot of money, but most people don't want to put in the effort/work. I feel like I can view this in relationship. I will have to do some work to become a millionaire when it comes to relationship. I will maybe get hurt, learn, and fail, but that will be worth it in the end, when the result will hopefully be the most amazing relationship I can think off. I will in the end find a person, where all the learning, will make me find a person that will make equal effort :)
    (Maybe it is a weird way to look at it, but I feel it fits me. I have never actually tried to ask a girl out before this girl. Ofcours I could be lucky, but most of the time people will have to go trough a lesson or two, a break up, etc, to actually reach the results ("being a millionaire".
    Last edited: May 1, 2018
  9. I'm happy you liked the video I shared :) I'm glad I found it the other day
    About the girl delete her number. If you want to do something or meet someone you make it happen otherwise you find an excuse or say you are busy

    She may have been Interested before but she isn't anymore. Let her go, focus on yourself and there are so many girls out there def more compatible with you and that will make time for you

    I never dated girls lol but I'd say ask the girl out at the beginning and as long as she says yes and looks happy when texting you in a normal timeframe not very late or call her (if she likes you she will love to hear your voice instead of a text, nowadays rarely people when dating call). Then even if she's shy she will want to hang out with you because she's happy around you and then feels she can't wait to see you

    Just be careful in entering relationships though. Think what you want and focus on creating meaningful connections and move on as soon as you realize if the other person is not good for you or is not interested that much to you

    Make sure you are with a girl that really wants to be with you and you are happy around her 100% not 50% and it's a good addition to your life and not making you sad or making you feel bad about yourself
    Orion_35 and SorryWontSayIt like this.
  10. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the fast respons!

    After what I understand and see on your profil you are a girl, so I just wanted to check on you hehe (and ofcours others can answer too), how you feel around this.

    I guess you are very correct about the 100 % and 50 % too haha. I was always 100 % happy when we were together in person, but I will admit, the two last weeks she have made lose a lot of happiness because she don't really make effort or really show the same love/happy feeling when we text. She have made me unsure about how she feels about me, and I should know and feel safe no matter if we are together in person or not (even tho shes busy or not).

    She knows how I feel, she knows she can feel safe with me, but if she is not willing to make effort to make it work for other reasons shes not the one. I have done my part!, won't put more effort on her anymore, even tho one person told me to - I can't do all the work, then we does not simply fit. :)

    Thanks for the support,
    Hope you have a great time!:)
  11. that's right, thank you :) I wish you the best :emoji_bouquet:
    self respect and when to let go is fundamental in every relationship including dating
    you can't force anyone to like spending time with you whether they are friends or girl you dated
    move on when you realize they don't feel the same as you to avoid gettings your feelings hurt and making you waste time
    the sooner the better
    SorryWontSayIt likes this.
  12. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    Damn this girl.... it is 7 days since last we talked, and I tried to ask her out... she did not even try to make an other day to meet. And now shes texting me again : so hard to move on :(

    I thougth it was about to, but then she ofcours come back just in time to make me miss her
  13. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

    Again, I didn't pursue every single post of this thread, since you seem to be running in circles a bit. But, reading this, I guess you should stand up to her and tell her how she is messing with your feelings, and that she should please finally make up her mind about you. If she has empathy for you then you two will find a way, if she hasn't... well, block her, or if you don't want to, just don't reply to her anymore and she will shut up eventually.

    Good to see you continuing your abstinence despite being on an emotional ride on a rollercoaster.
  14. sorry for this. i had an ex that for 4 months kept texting, calling me and then blocking me back and forth and that really bothered me and hurt me. i would just block her at this point. when someone likes you, they make it so clear. you have to be strong and know your worth. i don't think even if you text her, it will be good for you. she likes the attention from you but she is not trying to find a way to meet you, just le it go. this story is just giving you headaches
  15. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    Thanks again.

    Maybe I was stupid, but we texted a bit, she seemed actually more interested again. I will just stay calm still, I won't let her hurt me again. The best would if I could meet her again and talk, so I could maybe tell her how I feel. I don't want to tell her over phone or text, but it really depends if she at all are interested to meet.

    I hope that I can meet her in person, just to tell her that I don't accept just giving her attention. I will tell her that we both know how I feel, and she needs to make up her mind - either we don't talk or we stay together. Ofcours I would love to stay in contact with her as friends, even tho we are not in a relationship, but it will at least for now be very difficult for me to just be friend, because of my feelings.

    I won't make to big deal out of it, and I wont rush it. For some reason (ofcours I may be wrong), but I think she really miss me after how we texted.

    I will just have an open mind.
  16. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

    Well, it's your decision, after all.

    That's the single most important thing. To hurt you, you have to give her (emotional) power over you. Make sure you do not give her that power as you obviously can't really trust her.
  17. SirPsycho89

    SirPsycho89 New Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this so valuable comment!
    GG2002 likes this.
  18. Orion_35

    Orion_35 Fapstronaut

    I give you credit, you seem way more persistent than I would have been. after 2 times I would probably have told her that I was really looking forward to meeting her and ask her if she was making excuses to avoid me, she would have accused me of being insecure or whatever and that would've ended things right there.
    SorryWontSayIt likes this.
  19. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    Yeah, I have actually considered to ask her something like that, but I can see that is not really a good idea.

    I can understand someone may give excuses to avoid someone if they don't want to hurt someone. But at the same time, it is a really bad idea for them to keep sending texts etc. if they don't really want to have anything to do with you. Because at least for me that sounds more like mixed signals.

    I replyd to her texts, and we actually talked a bit, she seemed happy to talk again. Next day she sent me two snaps where I just replyed short. Later that they I sent her a snap without her replying. Next day I sent her an other snap without reply too (was not really something to reply too, so I don't really care that she didnt - and it was something I sent to many on my snapchat list). Then I went scilent for two days, and she sent me snap today again. I just ignored it like her did to me, because it was not really something to reply to. (Normally I would love to reply to most snapchats/texts she send if we were together, but if she ignores me - I ignore her. I will just play the game with her. I have already done my part to make it work.

    I think she may be hinting that she want to be friends, but nothing more. I accept that too, because I enjoy her company. I will just let the time show me way and not care too much. I am more or less over her now when it comes to wanting to be in a relationship with her. I can be friends with her tho, because the relationship we had was not too serious yet.

    Best part is that I don't feel she can hurt me anymore by ignoring etc. If I meet an other girl now, I will just go with it. I can't let this girl "keep me as spare" or what ever she is doing.

    True. I don't think she got any emotional power over me anymore. I can't trust her and because of that I won't give her power anymore.

    I will just be friend with her, at least I will look at her as a class mate or a friend (even tho we don't go to class - just how I look at her now).
  20. Dude, I was so nervous my first time that I had to get shitfaced. That was mainly because of my psoriasis though. My reaction to my psoriasis was what kept me from having sex and when I finally had sex the girl didn't even care. I would personally say let her know you're a virgin because she's definitely gonna know when things start happening.. You'll probably be pretty bad your first time hahaha, but it's ok. We all have to learn. If she's into you then she probably won't care.

    Just try to stay calm and be honest with her. She'll probably be understanding and she'll work with you. There's a chance that you will either orgasm way too early or you might not even orgasm. Hell, you might not even be able to keep an erection because of nerves. If that happens don't worry. it's completely normal. Just have fun with it man. Good luck.

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