sex frequency question

Lol!

 

Between 1 and 3 orgasms per session?

Hmmmm technically true in my case...but a little misleading.

 

@Drew140 interesting points about married ages. I'm on the other coast, but it isn't exactly much easier here. Our family does sacrifice conveniences with several more children in tow than the average. Not dallying and wasting time is helpful, but it is true that life is full of almost unbearable responsibilities either way. At least we're free and can pursue our dreams in this country; I am grateful for that. So many places, now and also historically, were die-cast roles in life with no upward mobility. Many people these days worry about the safety net preventing downward mobility, but I think the hardworking ethic is our main safety in this life. And, that leads me to the kudos: understanding obligation is great. One of mine is to work and help provide to the best of my ability.

 

wow - @Icarium, I could have written those words. the 15 minute max. once I climax, she's ready to clean up and move on. the easy orgasm for her. all ditto.

(just a quick side note: I've read recently that only 30% of women O from PIV, I have no indication that my wife was faking it, but it was so easy and so quick for her, that in retrospect now I kinda wonder.)

again, exactly the same here. so much hurt from years and years ago. so much feeling disrespected and unvalued.

it's amazing how little is new or different. we are all facing some combination of the same few problems - and we drearily push on. feeling alone. when the truth is we have many many brothers and sisters in the same place, also feeling alone. this is probably the single biggest good that comes from nofap and the like.

but wait.... GOOD NEWS !?!?!?!? so you gotta share @Icarium!

1) how did you "decide" to forgive her, and then actually go about feeling and acting differently? I can say I have forgiven her, and I try - but then certain topics come up, or I reach a new place in my own self-discovery, and I realize I still have a bunch of bitterness and anger that I thought was forgiven. How did you do this?!?!?

2) how did you stop requiring "her to provide my value for me" ??? this is huge! I have struggled a ton to figure out if this was a dysfunction (as you imply by "That's how marriage is supposed to be, right?" ) or is it just how guys (and possibly gals too) are made?

do tell, @Icarium! (I feel like I just maybe stumbled across a huge golden nugget!)

 

@Anna the Free - My wife should be able to look over my shoulder at any time, or review a screen capture recording, and should be approving of how I've used my time; being faithful to her in all ways. A couple years ago, several of us used to call this the "wife test for images" (iirc, this was a group of DonB / Cleaning Colin / Getter Better, @tiberiansun, The Eleven, James, @LifeAddict etc who mostly use other names now). Haven't remembered my shortened sig, tbh. This is posted within the first page of my journal for additional details. But, hopefully that alleviates any concern.

 

Disclaimer: This is a non religious thread and I am about to bring up religion. Rest assured that I love and respect you one and all regardless of your beliefs or lack thereof. My intention is not to bring any division here - but merely to share my experience, for whatever it's worth. If reading Christian jargon causes you to roll your eyes and reach for your keyboard in anger - please just skip this post.

I looked a bit at your journal - and it seems you've already heard whatever good news I can share. A few years ago I became a follower of Christ and my life was changed from the inside out. I came from a very secular background and literally didn't even know any Christians besides a couple of my in-laws I rarely see. I self-converted in a time of personal crisis by reading the scriptures (particularly Romans) and listening to sermons by Tim Keller.

1) When I was going through this process I considered deeply the biblical teachings about forgiveness. I was able to, for the first time in my life, actually phrase these words (or something very much like them) in my thoughts - "I forgive my wife for every wrong... those that are real, those that are unreal but that I perceive due my flaws, and those that are real but that I don't even know about". So far, I've been able to maintain this comprehensive forgiveness. There are things, thoughts, that continue to bother me, and always will, but they no longer "stick". I don't dwell on them and they have no power over me anymore.

I was also able to forgive my father for the first time, a person I had a great deal of bitterness stored up against.

2) I really took it to heart that my value is determined by my standing before God, and not my standing before any other person, or even my opinion of myself. I was and continue to be awed by Christ's works of redemption and to derive my identity entirely from my faith. Read Romans 8:31-37 - I believe this.

I find that the more I read the scriptures and pray the more I am able to keep these things in my mind and heart. I think you may have been a Christian your whole life, or close to it? I think it may be a bit different in my situation - the gospel is still new and mind-blowing to me. I don't mean to be presumptuous or sound critical - the following words are said out of genuine desire for your well being - but perhaps you need a revival? Nothing necessarily dramatic - just more time with the scriptures and prayer? The fruits of the Spirit will inevitably lead to a good marriage.

Of course I continue to struggle with life and everything - I make no claim to anything close to perfection. But I, and those who know me, have seen remarkable progress over the past few years.

 

sorry to have temporarily hijacked the thread -
sincere thank you!" @Icarium
I am a bit envious... but also motivated to change. i'm getting this basic message from many corners it seems. maybe that should be a clue ;-)thanks again

 

Don't pigeon-hole yourself. I grew up with a father who was not very involved. He was not completely out of the picture though. My step father was an authority figure and a disciplinarian, thank God. If i had not had his influence, who knows where I'd be. Not every situation is rhe same, of course, but my point is, don't make assumptions of what your life will be like before you get there. Sometimes you have to just let things happen and that's when you really discover where You are supposed to be.

 

We were married in our early 20s. I gave up my teaching career to stay home with our children for the majority of their elementary years. He was in the workforce and did a bang up job taking care of us. Our kids are older now and don't need me home as much so I went back into the workforce starting a whole new career. Hubs is taking some time off to regroup himself and explore a new career, this time it's complicated a bit by my PMO discovery and reboot issue we are dealing with. But for the first time I can see he's genuine about tackling it so there is hope on the horizon.