Sex without Lust

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Deleted Account, Nov 15, 2017.

  1. Hi all!
    Background on me is PMO almost daily since i was 14. now 52 i have ED or PIED and acted out on wife.
    today i am 83 days PMO free and if/when she wants to restart intimacy with me i am worried about how to have that kind of relationship with not being Lust driven. Lust is my biggest addiction.
    anyone have thoughts?
     
  2. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    You could try karezza or focusing on emotional intimacy first? That may help. I think that is awesome that you are asking.
     
    Hopefulgirl likes this.
  3. NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

    I would argue it is hard to be in lust with your wife. It can be entirely possible. You can express your love through sex, but keep in mind it involves being vulnerable, available, present, connected and honest. Karezza is good, I haven’t seen great resources yet. But it is all about sexual intimacy without orgasm.

    The point is explore your partner. Love them and caress them, don’t just F them. Intimacy goes beyond just sex, so I would initiate cuddling, massages, snuggling, and regular kissing. Build that trust, she might just open up and be receptive to a more sexual experience, just don’t worship a flawless feature, worship her wholly, her flaws, her weaknesses, soothe her pain. You love her and she deserves to be more than your sex object.
     
    Jennica, CJEB, TooMuchTooSoon and 2 others like this.
  4. thanks!!! that is an awesome response!!
     
  5. bike-wrench

    bike-wrench Fapstronaut

    @NF4L : yeah; I need to do some of that. Thanks.

    Edit: ...although my wife and I are a long way from actually trying any of it yet.
     
  6. CJEB

    CJEB Fapstronaut

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    I had a similar experience with my now fiancée. I was using PMO daily for around four years and the emotional connection between us really suffered during that time. Now over a year free from all the smut, my brain is becoming less and less involved with P-style sex and based more on love making. The most important piece of advice I can give is to be patient with yourself and with your partner. She has probably been neglected in some ways, and she will likely begin to make herself emotionally available to you, so long as you reciprocate. Use more intimacy and less lust and you’ll find that relationships can really flourish. All in all, start choosing the lifelong wife rather than the five minute sex session.

    Best wishes to you!! Keep us updated.
     
    Torn and Jennica like this.
  7. update: no changes so far as she is still not ready to resume after my acting out and stuff. she still has images in her head of what i have done with others. Porn is such crap!!!
     

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