Sexiness vs Beauty, where do you draw the line?

Ok so, you can take my view as youd like because I am a woman, but also realize I have struggled with PMO for years and I am guilty of objectifying even myself! lol

I think its obvious that porn and the rest of society warps our perception of beauty very often. Like in porn the average is pretty much white, big boobs round/big bum. Also there tends to be a lot of very young looking women that have the features and demeanor of children. There are also a lot of plastic parts and enhancements on these women so using a porn model as a standard will probably keep you disappointed with real life women.

The truth about attraction and what makes women attractive is so beyond iscolated body parts. We no longer look at the whole woman which includes her vibes, attitudes, confidence, intelligence.. Of course physical attraction is hugely important but its also in your biology to feel what is attractive to you, you can trust your instincts on what is attractive to you and know that this may or may not be somebody elses attractive and thats okay. The truth is that the "perfect" body is hard to find. She may have the boobs but also a big tummy and flat butt, or she may have the bum but cellulite and flabby skin, or she might lack proportion defined by our incredibly high standards and have an incredible magnetic personality


I think when you seek a woman you should not look for a specific set of physical attributes. When you meet someone who youd like to date it will probably (at least subconsciously) be hugely about your chemistry and what she exudes too, and having a beautiful face and figure helps. Being turned on by women is a natural biological function, but when its around women all the time maybe its time to focus on the person she is and try to see the full picture


Finding her eyes beautiful but having a fetish about her boobs or butt is different in nature.. The first being that only a part of us that is true and real could see the beauty in someones eyes and to fetishize body parts we have to be conditioned by porn. Know the difference between the appreciation for a womans physical form that is purely natural and what ideas and labels have been imposed upon you. Hope I could provide some insight! ♡

 

I think, for me anyway, it can be broken down like this. Both sexiness and beauty are measures of attractiveness, but sexiness has more emphasis on the physical, whereas beauty, more on the personality.

Sexiness refers to how appealing you find someone physically. Do you like their body type, complexion, hair colour, ‘assets’, etc? That’s why you can look at a stranger and think ‘wow, they’re sexy’ because it’s based on what is immediately visible. This can be on the street (where it’s fine so long as it’s a mental appreciation and you don’t act like a perv) or with porn (not fine). Things like intelligence and personality can play into sexiness, but only serve to enhance the person’s physicial attractiveness. A sexy person is someone you want to sleep with.

Beauty is more about emotional compatibility. Do you admire the person? Are they kind? Do they ‘get’ you? It’s something that’s less immediately apparent and requires you to know the person, or at least know a fair bit about them, and can develop over time. When someone is truly beautiful, it shines from within and can trivialise physical imperfections. And if the person is physically attractive, it serves as a complementary feature to their beautiful soul. A beautiful person is someone you want to be around and connect with.

Obviously the ideal partner would be both. It’s definitely possible to love someone for who they are as a person and still have the hots for their body. But of the two, beauty is more long-lasting. It matures with time, whereas the excitement of sexiness fades, as does someone’s physical appearance as they age.

 

Far more of an eloquent post than I had posted. Down falls of working a hell week is articulation ability’s go out the window from being too tired for me!

 

Maybe it's largely due to age but one thing I've noticed is I find some women who are not what is stereotypically considered sexy attractive sometimes, and I think that usually means there's something more, or I'm just attracted to them as a whole person. An example would be a woman that is maybe 10 years older (I'm in my 40s) that I crossed paths with at a health fair a while back, it was just the way she carried herself and she didn't present as ultra feminine or whatever - part of it is she seemed fit and strong but not in that too thin anorexic look but a little muscular. She seemed to really appreciate what I do and it was only then that I decided to get a little work from her. (she does therapeutic massage)

Of course, it could be someone is physically attractive in the typical sense of young, skinny body with disproportionately oversized breasts or whatever AND have other personal qualities, but if that was the case it would be more of a distraction and I may have a hard time distinguishing that. I typically steer clear of that with certain underlying assumptions that it comes with certain personality and social implications that is not going to be compatible, it's sort of an overcorrecting tendency. I guess a part of that is also I don't like my judgement clouded and there is more of a neurochemical response in that case, and I kind of figure they may enjoy the attention in the moment but there's probably not going to be anything substantial based on who I am. In other words, if they do like the attention it may be that it's just ANY attention from any random guy so it doesn't really have to do with who I am.

 

I think a key difference is behavior vs. image. People DO look at you in a particular way, the same set of eyes can be looking with interest (what kind of interest?) or even to say "go away." That is a behavior and not just the image like what color the eyes are, people with all different colors can look in different ways at different times, it depends on whether we can pick up on it or if we're too absorbed in our experience and feelings.

And of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can take a still image and how you "behold" the image is about you, not her. It's actually like how people say "I aspire to be the person my dog thinks I am" in a funny way.

Maybe a way to make the distinction is someone really attractive may have all these pictures on social media, and the images do look nice - but what we know about the behavior is how many of the pictures are of themselves, taking selfies, and maybe always posing rather than naturally in context of where they're at with friends and what they're doing. I'm not suggesting that should be the entire basis for judging someones personality, but it does say something about the behavior as distinguished from a static image.

Edit: (don't want to post too much) This got me thinking about 'getting' in the sense of possession vs. understanding - which works both ways. Often we think in terms of possession like "getting the girl" but then maybe you talk about something important to you with her, and if she's like "whatever" then there is a lack of getting in terms of understanding you - in fact she may not even care to, not to mention having the perspective and mental comprehension part. I guess I mention this because it's not just one way, and it's not hard to imagine someone thinking this NoFap thing is stupid with a superficial judgement when it may even be to benefit ones partner and/or potential partner in the first place.

 

You're biologically hardwired to care about her appearance (indicators of health) first and foremost. Ensures that you would have healthy offspring together.

However, our biological hardwiring doesn't give a single rat fuck about our happiness. Thus the eternal struggle between our biology and our culture/lifestyles.

One of the central tenants in most any ancient religion is the concept of sacrifice, and it's just as applicable today.
While I would never recommend turning your back on your biology completely, that's a one way trip to misery, you have to be able to keep your short-term biological impulses under control (sacrificing short term pleasure) in order to reap long-term benefits. Making a deal with the future (the gods) that today's sacrifice will be beneficial in the long run.

In this case, you have to sacrifice fulfilling our biological impulse to find the hottest chick possible that will have you (and most likely treat you like crap, because if she's above you on "the mating ladder", she has a bevvy of higher value choices than you), in order to find someone closer to your level (or even a little below) that will thus treat you well, which is a far better arrangement in the long-term as far as relationship happiness goes.

 

CHEMISTRY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANATOMY