Sexting & Sex Addiction (I need some advice)

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by CORAZZON, Mar 27, 2019.

  1. CORAZZON

    CORAZZON Fapstronaut

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    What's up everyone,

    I'm starting this thread to discuss some of the things that have been holding me back, and been a roadblock on my way to living a PMO free life.

    After some thinking, and self evaluation, I've come to the realization that I have a deeper underlying issue besides porn, and for me that happens to be an addiction to sexting and somewhat of an addiction to finding sex, and getting off with random girls...

    I've honestly been able to do pretty well with not looking at porn, but I'm noticing that the longer I try and abstain from PMO all together, the harder I try at seeking out sexual attention from women.

    I've become obsessed somewhat, with pictures and videos being sent back and forth, and am really having a hard time stepping away from the excitement and tension it builds. My brain loves it, BUT I DONT.

    The thing is guys, I really want to be free of Porn and Masturbation for good, and I want to abstain from orgasms for the mean time, until I can live a normal sex life... but I am constantly seeking out girls to sext with, ultimately in the sorry and pitiful effort to meet up and have sex. I've come to realize, it's no better than PMO, its almost the same, and the reason I think Im addicted to it is because it's more personal, and directed towards me only. Its stopping me from becoming free from PMO, and it needs to go. Now. My standards and morals are becoming so low they hardly exist, I'm starting just to want to have sex with any decent looking girl, and it's got to come to an end. I just want to be happy by myself for a while.

    If you guys could offer any advice or feedback, I'd really appreciate it.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2019
  2. Hi corrazon. I too was hooked to sexting. It’s the chat and the personal contact that males this much more attractive then Pmo to me.
     
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  3. CORAZZON

    CORAZZON Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for chiming in man. What were some of the things you did to get through it?
     
  4. StarvingSparrow

    StarvingSparrow Fapstronaut

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    This is definitely something to be concerned about. Its basically a porn substitute and is just as bad. Your body is trying to satisfy that dopamine addiction and its gonna get it anywhere it can and eventually it may lead right back to porn. For me, it was looking at pictures and when I realized it wasn't helping and that it was the same, it made it easier to stop. We become so desensitized to things that after we abstain for a while, the simplest things can get us off. If you're seeking out relationships with women (or men) you don't love, it's possible you may be running from something internal. And if you don't believe you are then try running towards something else and shifting your energy towards that (a hobby, friendship, or genuine relationship)

    What helps is trying to find out why you're trying to satisfy these addictions... for me I realized that I didn't have enough self-love and that's why everything was happening to me. Now I'm able to work on that through my Buddhist practice and discussing that with other people and realizing that I'm not the only one. If you do consider and decide to meditate just remember that the point of it is not to run away from your problems but rather to focus on identifying them and fixing them. Hope this helps
     
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  5. For me to get through is not so much getting rid of the texting but getting rid of this whole theme of getting hooked edging m and o. What drives me is the pull down it creates in my life. The set backs and consequences each time. Each time I am afterwards like a monster. Irritable negative aggressive. I do damage during this time. This goes a few days then it gets better. It carries for another ten days and then I am normal again. It’s the self worth that now drives me to get and stay out. Wanting to go deeper in my practice of meditation which I know I can. Wanting to live a better life which I know I can. Not wanting the low life anymore. The low level. Wanting to make what i found a success.
     
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  6. CORAZZON

    CORAZZON Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the input guys, I know the first step is identifying that there is a problem, and I've done that so that's good. I'm still trying to figure out why, why I feel I have to seek this kind of attention out, and I'm glad you brought up the point of self love.

    Recently I've starting working on music production, and I've fallen in love with it, its therapeutic for my mind and helps me not focus on PMO and the other things going on that are distracting me.
    However, I still struggle, PMO, Sexting, and seeking attention from women is a constant struggle for me.

    Exactly, this is what I've been feeling. I'm trying to push through it.
     
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  7. This is something I was caught doing and make no mistake, it is porn in a different form than images.
    You can beat this thing.
     
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  8. CORAZZON

    CORAZZON Fapstronaut

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    So, yesterday I met up with a this girll I met at work.

    We talked and then ended up having a few drinks at her sisters place after I got off work. Things got a little heated while we were there, her sister was bringing company over and wanted us to leave, so we ended up going to get a room for the.

    It was a pretty crazy night, I'm not going to go into detail but, hopefully after this I'll be able to let go of everything I've been holding on to.

    I had a fun time, but it made me realize even more that sex isn't what I want. It's making me feel drained, and I need to direct my energy to the things I love, like music.

    I'm about to turn 25 next month, and I want to turn the last 10+ years of my PMO addictions into a big lesson on what not to do with the next 25 years of my life. I've wasted so much time energy chasing vaginas, and where has it gotten me?
     
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  9. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    How often were you getting laid on average?
     
  10. From my experience it was an important part of the liberation that i don’t condemn sex or judge being turned on or living the energy free. It’s nothing wrong in “chasing vaginas” or getting wild in sex. They are after all what a man strongly desires. It’s lustfull and beautiful. The use and the how is the problem.

    For me it was even important to put a big huge yes on the strong energy there is. Living it freely and beautifully also strong rough and wild because its a massive energy. So I don’t fight with condemning mylsef anymore for that rather understand it’s there and don’t think solution is to wipe it out or to deny it. That path will never work. That I learned.

    If I have a big yes to the energy inside myself I don’t get confused when I see hot boobs or a hot form pose or any of the tempting things girls can put at work willingly or just by being what they are...
    If I have a huge judgement about it and a no then next time this happens it can catch and twist the mind and play games that end you in behaving you condemn much more. To escape this I learned.

    For me it’s cultivating it and living it appropriately. That i live it and not it lives me. Pmo or edging is super wrong. Immoral behaving or inappropriate or disrespectful to women or hurtful to my partner and what is deemed inappropriate is wrong. So it’s finding the channel how it can live and is allowed to flow and be.

    That’s what helped me to get out of the prison of “oh my god I got so horny because I saw that hot chick and i got caught by her and janked then into porn” and now the only solution for me is to condemn the sex.

    Nothing wrong with it. Wrong is the use the mind the attitude. Sex energy itsself is pure beautiful free of any judgement. The life force itsself. It’s the mind the habbit the depression or whatever cause there is for wrong use that’s wrong. Not the sexenegry. The sex energy is the power of creation. Nothing exists without it!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 28, 2019
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  11. Godar123

    Godar123 Fapstronaut

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    I feel have the same problem, for me it was first porn and now i think it is sex. I want to stop because i think what if one day i get to meet a nice woman i would like to date and i cheat on her because i am a sex addict or i hurt her. i was thinking maybe go 90 dys without anything and after once in a while have sex when the circumstance presents itself and not chasing sex like a dog chasing a cat, what are your opinion??
     
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  12. CORAZZON

    CORAZZON Fapstronaut

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    I mean , I haven't really kept track. I've probably slept with well over 30 different women since being in high school.. some were just a few time thing, some are exes. Sad part is, sometimes I forget all of them
    , and then have the random memories pop back in my head from time to time. Its pathetic , honestly. And when I couldn't get laid I would PMO several times a day, on and off like that for years and years...


    Yeah, I know what you mean. I've met several girls that were just overall great people. And my ways with PMO led me to push them away when I didnt get what I wanted. Why waste time arguing when I could just find someone else who do what I like? Until they didnt and then the cycle continues... but that's been my attitude for so long, and I'm just tired of it. I'm ready to change it.
     
  13. CORAZZON

    CORAZZON Fapstronaut

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    I see what you're saying, I just feel like if I can't look myself in the mirror and be peaceful with myself and the choices I've made, than something has to change. I dont want to fuck every girl I come across, I want to build meaningful relationships with people in general and PMO has blocked my ability to see attractive girls as anything more than something to try and slide into. I'm tired of burning these bridges down just so I can get off. Sex is supposed to be a beautiful thing, and for so long its been this disgusting nasty thing thats far from beautiful and pure. The temptation is always going to be there, with thousands and thousands of people throughout my lifetime. I need to learn how to resist. How to say "no, I don't need that".

    Exactly, I want to save that energy, put that energy into something else, like my music, and create something meaningful that can bring me new life and that can be shared with the world in ways that sex will never be able to. Sex feels wonderful, but its destroying my life.
     
  14. That last response, make your vision your reality, you can,....will you?
    Focus on your plan and do it. Keep coming here and learning every day as you heal.
    You can do this.
     
  15. I think you are aiming for the right thing. Not dwelling in desire only. Seeking to be creative and not only sex without bond and love. Maybe you need a great woman that you love and whom you can make love a lot have sex as you like it and learn to be with her...
     
  16. CORAZZON

    CORAZZON Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the support guys.
     
  17. CORAZZON

    CORAZZON Fapstronaut

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    What's up guys,

    The past few days I've been spending some time with a girl I met last week. To put it simply, we've been having sex like 2- 3 times every day.

    The more and more we do it, the worse I started feeling about myself. It felt great in the moment, but after reaching orgasm I'd feel bad, almost like I would if I just PMOd.

    I'm not sure what this means, or how I should feel about it. I think maybe this is like an awakening for me, I'm hoping it is. Sex doesnt make me happy any more. I dont want to be the thing that makes me happy.

    I'm going to focus on keeping away from sex and sexting any girls, along with PMO. I need to straighten my mind out... and sex is keeping my held down from doing everything i want in life.
     
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  18. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    You are not alone my friend. I suffer from the same thing with the addition of video chatting and masturbating with random girls. Porn doesn't do much for me, it's the sexting and masturbating on video chat that brings me to my lowest of lows. I'm also a married man with kids...

    Staying connected to this community is a huge piece of my recovery. In addition, I meditate two times daily, pray, exercise, and talk to a therapist. Though I'm far from perfect and still fall short, I am definitely aware of my problem and successfully fend off relapse all the time.

    You are not alone. Thank you for your honesty and I encourage you to continue participating in this community and keeping us updated.
     
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  19. daniel193

    daniel193 Fapstronaut

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    You're definitely not alone with this dude. Gay guy here, but I'm working through a similar addiction to hookup apps (chat with random strangers, swap pics, sexting...). Like others have said, it's just PMO but with another name. There might be an illusion that it's "genuine" because there's a chance of meeting up at the end of it. Most of the time it's just as fake and meaningless as porn though, and just as damaging.

    I would advise you cut it out entirely and see where the reboot takes you. You don't need this addiction in your life, you can be better than that.

    Thanks for sharing, stay strong.
     
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  20. CORAZZON

    CORAZZON Fapstronaut

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    Thank you guys so much for the support and encouragement. It always helps to know that other people have fought and won the same battles I'm fighting right now.
     
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