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Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by Destranix, Apr 3, 2021.
also, i do like ur curiosity. you have much other thoughts or questions concerning stuff like dat?
Donald Duck, Micky Maus & Co.
I had. You can read my posts her on NoFap or those on AVEN if you are intrested in experiences and thought of mine.
Now I do not got that much thoughts anymore. Don't know if my curiosity will return. Thing is, that I'm busy with other stuff, studying, and the last days I am a little bit distracted or whatever, maybe I caught a cold.
I also wrote down a lot of stuff on papers, but I didn't had much motivation to reread that or write it down digitaly in the internet.
You won't guess what just happend. I really just managed to cum intentionally without any stimulation, nor phantasies neither masturbation< not even something my penis could rub on when getting hard.
Like I suddenly had that notion of having to come. Then I tried to hold that feeling, tensioning a lot of muscles. Like stepwise increasing, every time it tends to fallof,tensioning another musclel, till then I came.
It's a little bit sad as I planned not to do, planned to hold it longer for experiments. But seems like a short moment of loosing all attention actually made me loose control. There was a very short moment were I knew what I'm doing, but I didn't stop. Somehow I hate that.
I was looking forward to what would happen after that days, but again I didn't got that far. Seems like avoiding arousing thoughts does not solve the problem.
I mean the thing is not, that I care about cuming. I mean, that's a normal thing and since I didn't do that5 in connection with arousing thoughts it's actually not a result of conscious behaviour. But it really throws me, that I won't know how all this would have developed and now I have to start again to see what happens.
I mean, if I came while sleeping that would be way better as then I'd have known, that this part of some natural process, that it was expected to end that moment that way. But know as it ended while I'm awake and consciouse I don't know if there is something after.
But now at least I got more data for the phase before this happens, let's see if this is going to repeat someway.
You know what: Today I managed the same thing again. Again while listening to music. This time I collected a little more data.
So first I imagined non-.arousal things to the music.(mostly places or scenes of movies/series/books/whatever).
I relaxed my genital muscles. Then, while releasing, I got that notion sveeral times, that something whant's to move out. But I kept relaxing them. I also first noticed some other muscles more deep in. I also relaxed them, but I'm not sure if all the time.
The I began to tension other muscles. Not very noticable, more noticing, than e.g. I'm moving on the chair or that I'm grapping my hand with myotherhand. This got stronger, some trembling began in that tensioned muscles. I'm more and more getting a feeling of numbness/prickling, as if blood pressur is going crazy. And the I ejaculated.
Now, after than, some of my muscles hurt.
I guess now I now, where this feeling begins, let's hope I can remember. Although I'm not sure if I need that ejaculation, now, after that, I feel slightly better, don't know, no longer sad, whatever.
The thing is, that I really don't know how this works physically.
Unfortunatly the negative effects of this are quite the same, seems like I again lost my longings. Even thought that might be good as long those longings won't be fullfilled, in the end I must fear, that I loss them at all. I really don't know, what to thing about it. It seems like I somehow need it, but I don't want to fall back into old habits or loss, what I'm gaining.
thts phenomenal. i obviously dont suggest u cum everyday, tho i am still tryna understand wht u acc doin there.
Im just about to reach a one month NoFap. For me its like going into level 2, and i have more built up energy, so now i hsve to find a little more creative efforts.
U know its funny, we're like polar opposites in this. U detail, i simplify. Youre on about spendin much time in a screen( with beneficial things) and im tryna spend less. But i do think somewhere between both our understandings is powerm
Anyways, u nevr said WHY exactly u begun noFap?
I used to masturbate nearly all the time while I'm sitting in fornt of my computer. I stopped that at 20th februrary.
I'm not sure about the reasons. My main motivation was, and is, that I hoped, that this gives me the chance to feel some other feelings or at least not lose the feelings I felt for that person I met that day. Some other motivations aside, that I actually always more liked the feeling of arousal or states before cumming (literally my fetish phantasies include chastity and such things). Another, that this was probably some sort of a obsession, that also costed time.
About, what changed, I could write novels. I'm not sure, if that's due to not doing masturbation or due to other things, that changed, unfortunatly. Seems like my mental state got way more instable, but also giving me more freedom and openness. Unfortunatly also concentration problems and mood swings, but I'm not sure if they already were there before. Oh and it brings some dilemmas with it, but also a bunch of new experiences. In fact I like it, only struggeling sometimes when my mood is bad.
For more details about why I started, we should reread my initial posts on this site, seeing, what I named ad reason back then. (I looked it up. I also metioned additional reasons, like control over emotional phases, but this one seems to be not connected much, I'm not sure. See: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/another-thing.305387/ )
About cumming: I came more often in first weeks after last masturbation. Not real "cumming", just "ejaculaition". First real "cumming" after that happened on 2th april, now two others happend the last two days. Although all three are somehow special. First was without rubbing, second and third even withgout any stimulation. I'm not sure about orgasms, not sure if I noticed one.
Maybe, don't know. Actually I'm somehow forced to do stuff on my computer, as I'm studying and got not much chance to do anything offline. I don't have much friends and I'm not that kind of person who does stuff with friends. Maybe that will change, if I manage to get into a more close relationship with that girl I'm dreaming of.
See, its best not label urself 'im not the kind of person who hangs out with much friends' it may be true, because im something like that, but dont label yoursrlf tht. Also really keep up with the novel writing, srsly, keep doing it. Damn, im trying not to go back to the energy talks just YET. But srs man, semen retention is only a part of a much greater possibilty, and if ur not too aware of this greater possibility, u most probably will end up where u strted.
Anyways, you remember when i mentioned 'level 2'? well its going great. new oppurtunities are opening up for me, its amazing really. came very close to a slip up last night. not even hardcore p. just some youtube videos with some dicey content. Damn, i deleted them at the fuckin last moment. And i hv no doubt how it mayhave affected me in the long run. Slip ups always seem so insignificant.
Is this strange, when im let say a bit horny, my environment responds? like im 'damn i want some ass' then i look up and there it is. Like i attract it. Im beginning to understand it a smaller scale of a much larger ability.
If u had wht u could consider your most productive day, what would it look like?
Not labeling, just a statement of what's my current state.
The thing is that I'll possibly never read it. And things are repeating. I don't want to write things down that are already known. But I wrote two sides the last days, so seems like sometimes it's more and sometimes less, possibly depending on if anytrhing new happens.
I'll not end, where I started, cause now I got way more knowledge and control and whatever else.
No, but I scrolled up a littlel and saw, that this was in one of your latest posts, so I was able to look it up.
Hm, interesting. I mean, I do not remember much danger through temptations for me. So there were some sorts of temptations, but as long I didn't touched my dick there was no chance of cumming or whatever, no danger. Well, ok, that's what I thought for a first, but as mentioned it seems to cum without stimulation. And, even worse, the temptation now is not any external stimulation, but my own body, arousal or feeling caused by arousal itself.
The thing is, than then arousing thoughts do not bother me, I'm somehow seizing them, what, in the end, when not noticed, may worsen my problem again, making me more horny and also making me think about if not masturbatiing is the right thing. But I don't want to go back, I know that was boring and not satisfing in the end. Maybe one day, when I got more understanding and knowledge, even more control, I might go back or at least test, what happens, if I do.
I don't know. I think it might be possible, that horny persons are more attractive or something. Or that horny persons are more likely to recognize attractive things.
I cannot rank my productivity. Either I have it or I don't have it. Ok, ther are things inbetween, but not that I could rank much.
Also productivity depends on what I want to achive. Actually there are concurrent goals, but I only got a specific amount of time, motivation and concentration.
when it come to temptations, they only ever are external. i suppose urs makes sense becuz ur dealin with masturbation rather thn porn, and im dealing more with porn. Hell, not even porn anymore, just external arousal.
Today, going out to buy some things, glimpsed one goddamn sexy babe, and since then, when i feel or remember tht moment, its like i can almost feel my body opening up space for the sexual excitement she gave me to sort of fill in, like a farmer clearing grass to grow a new crop. But the unfortunate is she was only a glimpse, so now for a temporary while now theres just empty land with not much happening n it. Tho its not unsettling or distracting, just there.
I guess i just want her, in a sense. or at least my body does. Hope i said wht im.trying too properly. You had any insights or recognized new patterns in your arousal since noFap?
I'm also trying to deadline with external arousal, trying to be fully independent of it and get another sort of satisfaction by it.
Yeah, probably. But I'm not sure. I cannot give you much of information, I didn't keep track of it. I guess I'm more easily aroused by some things, but not always. And my arousal is definitly varying over time. Oh and things that previously aroused me do now not necessarily arouse me, I guess.
But as said, I'm not really able to give valueable information about this at the moment.
i feel somewht im going back in time. like a few things i did a few years back, somewht seem amplified, or im doin them again. I always used to do this stupid childish smile, especially maybe when im commented on or praised. I guess a while back i tried to 'grow' from it. I see myself childish at times, most times acc. Tho i do think more maturely, at times. specific areas really. eh.
Do any of your old patterns seem amplified? not negative really, just patterns nevertheless..Also, when was the longest time you retained?
I'm noticing something similiar in connection with my ADHD. Like I'm not sure if I behave the same manner I'm behaving now longer time ago. But even if, now there is definitly a notion of this, so that's a big and important difference.
But I was more famliiar about that changes a few weeks ago, not sure now. At the moment I feel quite normal. But it seems like my ADHD symptomes got visible after that thing happend on 20th february. But I'm not sure if this is connected to retaining or to other things that happened.
But sure, a lot of things amplified, mostly connected to hyperactivity or loss of concentration/motivation/interest. Oh and I had some sort of binch reading phases, where I read a lot of wikipedia articles till this got boring. And other things nor mentioned, probably.
I don't know. I first started measuring on 20th february. Since then I haven't masturbated. No orgasm/orgasm-like ejaculation only for about 40 days, as I had such a ejaculation on 2nd april.
Just came again without masturbating, this time during watching a movie and trying to get aroused or somehow satisfied by that dresses the main characters weared. That would have been a usual thing which I'd have done when trying to masturbate (like porn for you maybe, but less and also usable for other things, cause I just love this movie for many reasons).
It's somehow scary, cause I definitly did this with exactly the target to ejaculate. Like I just first watched a part of this movie and the got caught and then in the end I ended up with watching more and actually trying to force some arousal thing (or maybe I tried to force some other feelings, I'm not sure).
I mean, I first thought that this was somehow a thing that happened just like that spontaniously, but now I must fear that this is a permanent phase and I'm not able to control it.
Although, maybe the actual problem might be my permanent arousal. Shouldn't arousal disappear after ejaculating three times in a week?
Maybe this all just didn't happen before because I didn't know how to ejaculate without masturbation and now that I know my subconscious mind can make me do things, which I cannot control that much. Cause controling my hands or certain body movements seems to be no problem, but controling, things like what I'm doing when enjoying music or movies, seems to be tricky.
wht ive noticed is when u retain for long, the day you do masturbate, its like your body wants more. And actually, u dont feel like shit, cuz like since its been a while your body handles it better. Then ur like, " well i feel great, maybe its just quite alright to cum, i mean might as well". And u still dont feel like shit. Till maybe the third time or fourth. then u begin to feel like shit.
Anyways, my desire for instant arousal somewht has changed. Like usually, well u prob know when u see some ass then u hard as f already, well yah i guess i dont really want tht anymore. Like instead of gettin some nice ass, id rather just be around a hot girl. But thing is then i feel at times this odd out-of-control phase, like when u about to sneak some pornhub when u know u sure as hell u shouldnt. Like antcipation. And i mean, hard to talk smooth when u feel like a feckin 12 yr old whos about to wank. Do tell me if im communicting properly.
Tho hows ur things with women. I remembr u hinted at one who caught your eye, hows tht going?
Yeah, that's something that might be true, not sure. Can also be, that you want more and that's why you masturbated. Or just usual variations. But yes, that#s a theory.
Although, I don't think, that cumming makes my body to want more or at least the previous time that happened I did not cum several days. I'll have to test that on long-term.
That's what I think the days before. It's still hard to analyze, what exactly bothers me about cumming. But it's a fact, that, if satisfaction occures, it does not last for long, so that's maybe my main reason. But that all might also correlate with my mood and other things, don't know.
It's interesting, that now I have more arousing thoughts again. But they don't feel satisfying, more like something, I want to avoid, something bad, not even real arousing or causing feelings, just physical reaction.
Oh yeah, that's definitly more desireable.
I'm not around much women in real life. Only one is my mother.
But lately we got visited by a friend of the family. female. Felt a little bit weird, I guess at first I avoided to talk to her, be alone with her and such stuff, but in the end it was no longer a problem. But I'm not sure. Also I don't know if that happened before or after that cumming last week.
In the internet I'm in contact with more girls. I mean, on AVEN there are mainly girls, so. But I'm not cummunicating that much last time.
Well, yeah. But we are not really talking to each other. No deep talk. She is posting posts on one site and I'm reading them, sometimes reacting.
Unfortunatly she's even mire busy than I am and therefore has no time for important stuff.
I also don't know what she feels about me, but she knows about my feelings for her and I guess she could like me, if she wants to or at least accept me liking her. So hopefully this relationship develops into something more real. I hope, that I can meet her at the end of this semester, maybe even more.
If you now ask about sexual arousal relating to her, well, that's difficult, I can't tell. She is asexual, so sexual arousal is not helpfull, also I guess, sexual phantasies with her would somehow corrupt my imagination of her, so I'd try to avoid that.
Although maybe my feelings to her could become somehow arousal connected or something, but I'm not sure if I'd let that happen, that depends on later developement. Maybe in al onger relationship or if I got some variating phases were attraction changes or whatever.
if she's asexual, well wht then? If she doesnt feel the sexual magnetism, which is like the foundation of all romantic interpersonal relationships, well wht then?
Why do you like her? may i ask
Asexual is not aromantic. She is homoromantic, so does feel romantic attraction (and also some other attractions). No, "sexual magnetism" is not the foundation of all romantic interpersonal relationships, obviously.
Many points. It's her whole character. She is smart, honest, open-minded, innovative, wild, free, fancifull, and many other stuff that just does not pop up into my mind at the moment. It's hard to put it into words, unfortunatly. Se just seems to be a person who would accept me and who is interesting, maybe also able to teach me things I did not know, show me things I was unable to see.
**** just came again. Could avoid masturbation, but was very near to it. Sexual phantasie + music this time.
Seems like this get's a regular thing. But I really don't know, what to do. I don't want it, I don't want that thoughts. I don't want that kind of phantasies, I don't like it. What the hell.
What the hell ist this. I even thought, that if I don't cum, I might loss memories about some beautifull things (that movie I told you about). Heck, I somehow have to finde a suitable place for this in my life, some way of getting rid of this arousal, but without that annoying thoughts or whatever. But actually my only motivation to do this are those thoughts (or the feeling caused in addition to them), what the hell!
Unfortunatly I fear masturbation, cause I fear falling back into old patterns. I don't wan't to go back, I came so far. Why does my subconsciouse do that, how can it control my brain. I mean, today I had that post, that aroused me. What I did was, keeping that browser tab open, so I remember that thought again...while, at the same time, knowing, that I actually don't want it. This is embarassing. And scary. And, what the hell, why do I have arousal?! Why can't I just have that low arousal like others also have, why can't I simply cum while sleeping, like others do. At least most times. Or at least got more control about that thoughts. Like sure, cumming would be less problem, if tehre wouldn't be that thing in me, that makes me want it or wants to connect it with feelings I don't want it to be connected with.
By the way: Satisfaction of this really is 0, just noticed. Even cumming was not desireable, that moments before I did not want to cum, but i was that horny, so physical reaction was unavoidable or maybe avoidable, but not without a massive dysphoric feeling. Would have been way better to get through this phantasie without cumming (maybe that's the reason, why it includes chastity, don't know).
I'm an animal. But I don't got enough bravery to overcome my feers and find motivation to do something against it. Also hard, because I won't remember that bad feelings I had later. And hard, because I'm not sure if there's a cure.
Let's just hope it's a phase, maybe I can get more understanding and solutions for this as soon I'm out of this phase. I mean, I got till here with weeks without masturbation or sexual thoughts, also being some sort of happy (also I can not remember how clear my mind was and how happy I were, ****!). And others also can do, so what.
Now I understand a bunch more of people, people who felt the same way I feel.
Does it happen when you are doing something you perceive as wrong?