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Sexual arousal

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by Destranix, Apr 3, 2021.

  1. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    Now I fapped while reading fetish stories. Not sure where this is gonna end.
    EDIT: And another time direkt after that one.
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2021
  2. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    As this ****ing arousal really, really bothered me, blocked my mind any paralysed me although I wasn't even thinking about it, having no libido in any way, I decided to go to the toilet.
    There I then ended up in the end with my dick hanging free in the middle of the seat (no contact with anything there) and me having some fetish phantasies. Those bringing me to orgasm twice, both times not pleasurable, but with a huge amount of ejaculat.
    As those wasn't stilling the urge in the end, I fapped directly afterwards to get rid of that feeling. It's still somehow there, but now gone a little, probably (/hopefully) fading completely later on.

    I really hate this. It's blocking my mind and bothering me. I'm though still not sure if this was the reason, but my investigations showed, that it's quite probable.
    But why? Why can't that shit just leave me be. Can't I simply have a normal body that gets along without fapping again and again?
    That's not normal, is it?

    You know, I did not want to cum, I knew, that it won't fix the problem, but just suspends it for short. But I did anyway, now restarting again.
    I mean, I haven't even had a libido, so what triggered me? Is it realy like those bodyal mechanisms have that strong power?
    And then the way I did it: It's scaring me somehow. When I cum without physical stimulation, it's like a seizure actually. Like I'm heavily trembling and my breath stops and goes unequally. I'm able to hurt myself and others in that moment heavily and I'm not sure about how much control I have about it.
    So I'm sure I could stop at every moment, but only if I decide to do what might be very hard in that situation.

    Others can live without that. Why can't I?
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2021
  3. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    And now I fapped 3-4 hours just for no reson. I had a sudden urge to read the fetish stories I haven't read for long. Nothing else to do.
    But it was completly not pleasurable or satisfying. It's more like I lost even more of myself.
    And I'm tired now...don't know...It's strange.
     
  4. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    Now yesterday and today I fapped again. Not much exciting phantasies though and also not much pleasure and not a big orgasm. Just a little bit maybe. Really strange.
     
  5. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    Hm, now I first got very aroused this noon, but decided to not have an orgasm, cause I knew it won't be benefiting (would have been highly pleasuring though)
    Then I later thought, it might maybe be more nice with a new fetish story, so I searched, but didn't find any, so I fapped to a fetish phantasie and ejaculated without much pleasure.
    Boring.
    And now this shit starts again.

    Two other times directly afterwards, cause there was still preassure. One without fapping, heaviy ejaculation, but not pleasure and/or relief. So a second one with fapping, with a little bit more pleasure/relief.
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2021
  6. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    Another time. I really planned not to and I also was on a good why, though reading fetish stories and such stuff. But I somehow got to far. Not an orgasm, but as near, that I knew it's unavoidable (I though tried to avoid it, but it didn't work).
    Was a pleasureable though. No masturbation.
     
  7. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    Two other times. Somehow it felt like I was happy but my mind was numbed or fogged (and fucked?) and I felt the intrinsic urge to finish readging the fetish stories I read before. First time failed (came after few time; masturbation) but was pleasurable. Last time managed to finish the story and had an orgasm (first no masturbation, then finished) less pelasurable, but I guess (or hope) it cleared my mind.
    It feels strange but common, don't know. Somehow empty (but I felt empty before iirc).
     
  8. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    And another two times. Though I found a page about chastity and such and there were listet a huge anmount of things and I noticed, that most of these occured boring, only very few were interesting for a moment. Also they said, that libido has to be kept on high amount, what's also nothing I could achieve. I guess that's why I don't like this (any maybe that's connected to my ADHD somehow, actually this is about stuff getting boring fast, so...).
    Also interesting, that, the first time really was for the stories, but the second time (immedeadly after the first time) was somehow to satify the physical urges, that haven't been satisfied by the first one. Also the second one had fetish phantasies, but they seems way more boring than the first time.
     
  9. Akanni

    Akanni Fapstronaut

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    It also happens to me. But when it does, I just do some push up or find other things to distract myself, and with time it goes away
     
    Destranix likes this.
  10. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    Hm, okay. Well, I noticed, that some sports does help a little for me, but not for long. Distraction also does not work well, cause often I don't got something to distract me (even worse when being in some sort of depressive mood, when everything is boring somehow).
    But yeah, in fact distraction can work and also worked a couple of times.

    I also noticed something, what I think is not normal. Actually there is very often somehow fluid flooding out of my dick. Though now lately I read an article about chastity (so orgasm retention) that said that this would be normal, but actually all other information I remember points to it being unusual.
     
  11. Creative outlets you say? Beautiful. What about a situation when you're bored?
     
    Destranix likes this.
  12. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    God, yesterday eveniung I couldn't sleep and I did not have much thoughts, so I ended up with some fetish phantasies and in the end fapped two times. Still wasn't easier to sleep and I still was tensioned somehow.
    Maybe I have to listen to more music or such. Or do more interesting stuff, so that I got something to think about while trying to sleep- Don't know.
     
  13. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    Tonight I had an nocturnal emmision. Second one of my life (maybe second and a half). No the total amount and I also did not have an arousing rdeam (but a weird one though, I guess it thematized this somehow). I don't know if this was accompained by an orgasm. Physical reaction looks like (slight urge to fap, a little bit more libido maybe...but both also just might have been caused by the ejaculation somehow) and actually I'm not sure if it must feel different if there was no orgasm.
     
  14. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    Tonight another noctural ejaculation. No arousing dream (cannot really remember. Something with a girl being preised by mythic people), that then somehow overlapped with ejaculation in progress making me dream that I masturbate for a short. Then I woke up, I guess ejaculation was still in progress and I guess I interrupted it somehow, not sure.
    It was pleasurable for short, till orgasm set in, then no more.
    After that I fapped short (cause I had the urge to do) with fetish thoughts. Was not pleasurable, though the urge disappeared.

    Funnily I got vaccinated yesterday, maybe I can report the noctural ejaculation as vaccination side-effect ;-)
     
  15. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    And another time intentionally. As I had a ejaculation anyway and realized, that holding it back does not help much (arousal increases and is annoying, libido sometimes pops up and makes things even harder) I decided to fap to fetish stories. Orgasm was pleasurable, though those stories are always the same and boring, same goes for the feeling I fel. And in retrospect it all feels like I'm abused.

    I don't know what to do. I cannot hold it forever (maybe I might manage that mentally, but it's hard and distracting and it hurts somehow to feel that desireable feelings, but don't go for it. But I also cannot go for the feelings, as its's wrong, actually just abusive. I am a victim of my urges while I go for it, though not realizing this while I'm doing and I feel abused by this fact and by the content of my thoughts, that are abusive themself.

    One possible way to solve this might be to fap to non-fetisch stuff, like just pictures or just music or whatever. Though I'm not sure if that satisfies the urge, is pleasurable or whatever and I don't know, how often I'd have to do that (seems like annoying feelings start about one day after last fapping, so I'd have to fap often, but that also leads to the urges getting stronger).

    Why can't I just have the urge without my brain being fogged by it, why can't I have the good feelings longer lasting, also not fogging my brain?

    Oh and while I wrote this post I fapped again. This time pleasurable orgasm and less abusive, because I imagined something with another person. So this seems to be a possible way, but somehow I have to exclude my fetishes from this to make it desireable, but without those persons becoming dirty. I have to imagine non-dirty situations with that persons.
    But how?
    Maybe I can manage to imagine some cuddeling without roles or with me not being in submissive role, which then leads to an orgasm, but without it being paid attention. But I'm not sure how that should work. I'd have to have a orgasm without Ejaculation somehow and without dirty thoughts or any sort of stimulation. But that'd not fix the problem, as without ejaculation, the pressur, etc. persists.

    I just wanna get rid of this. Either I'll have to establish a way to ejaculate regullary without and dirty things (maybe that's easier when I'm in another mood?) or I'd have to do that somehow medicinically (Though I don't dare doing this. But what if this is just a disease, that can be easily cured? I'd have to see a doctor, but I don't got the motivation to talk about my problem, especially, because the doctor whom that would concern is my father and a visiting doctor in another city need s more effort).
     
  16. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    Uh, another one. I somehow managed it to be pleasurable without bad feeling. Happend quite fast, though fetish thoughts were involved, but I tried to focus on womens body parts, what and locking out the fetish parts, what helped I guess. Though I still somehow sexualized a person, that's not what I want.
    Maybe now, after 5 ejaculations today, I start to somehow get those effects usually accompained by orgasms, like oxytocin release. Actually feels a little bit like oxyctocin release now, didn't the other 4 times.
    Also now it's less disgusting, as amount of ejaculation reduced and now my dick feels more satisfied (though I guess I'm still noticing some discharge, so don't know how long that last)
     
  17. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    At which count is it not normal anymore. Not again I fapped, while watching a scene from a movie I love with music. Pleasurable and no bad feeling, also no fetish thoughts. Just a little bit of worry about sexualizing, cause I could also wathc the video with other, more desireable feelings, but both cannot coexist, so those desireable feelings were presnet in my mind like a memory, though not present in reality. I feared, that those desireable thoughts and feelings might get corrupted by the dirtiness of fapping.

    Anyway, this still seems to be the best way to deal with my arousal at the moment. Though I don't know if this is just because it's the sixed time today and I'm afraid, that I somehow moved into a state of mind, that makes me locked into somehow, pulled inside by dopamine/orgasm//etc. maybe also oxytocin.

    I have to analyse how long that state lasts to see, if this fear is reasonable or not. Actually the state is somehow desireable (and a good kind of desireable), but I'm afraid, that it might make me miss things I love, that lie outside of it.

    EDIT:
    Another time, same as before.

    EDIT2:
    Another time, listening to music. Hopfully it's empty no so that it's not discharging anymore. Maybe a orgasm without fapping could fix the problem, but I did it to often today to accomplish such.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2021
  18. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    Another time. I could have avoided it, but I knew that this won't solve the problems. Though I decided to fap to fetish stories for longer time, what wasn't the optimal way. Now I feel abused again...
     
  19. Destranix

    Destranix Fapstronaut

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    Again. This time, cause I felt a feeling, I haven't felt for longer, in my genital area. Like oxytocin-feeling, but lower than normal, maybe enstrength by conctrationg genital muscles. I fapped to investigated. Pleasurable and no abusive feeling, though I thought of a fetish story. In retrocpect I noticed, that the feeling seemed to fog my mind somehow.

    It seems to be similiar to oxytocin, so maybe desireable, though it is not equal, seems like I was not able to have the thoughts I'd usuly like to have if having oxytocin feeling.
    Though maybe this is the key to why I was partially happy with fapping al the time before I stopped.
     
  20. Abel100%

    Abel100% Fapstronaut

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    Es tiempo de detenerte y eliminar la palabra fetiche de tu memoria , si llega a tu mente no la tengas ni la escribas...
     
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