Sexual attraction is two ways. Wow

You know what, this is a really good reminder. Thank you.

 

I try to remind myself to go for what I want, rather than what I think other people think I should have. Feels risky, but it's the only way to work out what's actually possible in life!

 

I've been like this my whole life (am 23 now). I have been told on a fair few occasions that women check me out, and I am completely oblivious to it. Problem is, I find it very hard to believe that this is actually true, because my brain exists in a state where it wont let me accept that anyone could be attracted to me for any reason, whether its sexual/romantic/physical or not. I dont know if this is a self esteem thing or something else, but kinda sucks not going to lie.

 

I agree, I definitely dont view myself as a romantic/sexual being at all. I literally cannot conceive of a situation where I would be romantic or sexual towards another person, you may as well try to convince me unicorns exist.

 

I realised that the more you stop caring about women, the easier they are to pick up and the more THEY chase you. Just focus on better things and let them come.

 

Had this realisation after I lost my virginity. Pretty groundbreaking.

 

IVE LITERALLY THOUGHT THE SAME THING ALL MY LIFE. Im a girl and I never thought of myself as being attractive to any guy, especially since Ive always been on the chubby side. There would be times were people would say I was pretty, but I would always disregard it cause I thought they were just being nice. However, now that I look back at my life I do recall times were guys would check me out, but my brain would just never proccess that cause of my low self esteem. Hopefully nofap will help me boost my confidence that way I can talk to guys.

 

I somewhat use to think that, but that changed when I met this unattractive guy from high school. He use to have sex with girls all the time throughout high school because of his personality and style alone. He didn't even have a "chad" personality, even I was more "chad" than him but he was just good with chicks.

 

Thank you so much and im glad I could help.

 

This is really interesting to read, as its basically my situation but from the perspective of a woman. Its definitely an issue with self esteem, and a lack of experience dealing with the possibility that people may find you attractive. Excessive porn consumption seems to induce a state of delusion where any and all attraction comes down to solely whether or not you look like a porn star, ignoring that physical attraction isnt the only reason you can be attracted to someone to begin with. Beyond even that though, I know when I view myself rationally that I'm not ugly, I'm not really even unattractive, I'm just a normal looking person with good traits and bad traits. This is probably the case for you as well, but its extremely hard to see this through the inferiority complex.

 

Gosh, this takes me back, although I still don't think i'm nowhere close to attractive. Not sure about you lot but when you face a tonne of rejection from dating apps, it doesn't help with self confidence, so when you see an attractive woman in real life, whether or not she's attracted to you, becomes irrelevant. I somehow find myself either staring like a perv or running in the opposite direction. Meaning i'm negating any chance I may have or happen to create.

My only way out is sticking to dating apps and going from there, sad reality about social anxiety.

Appreciate this doesn't help but sometimes knowing you're not alone goes a long way.

 

Yea its the same way with me. I've been thinking on going on dating apps since guys dont talk to me in real life, but my dad says im to young.

 

I hear you. The age, I won't comment, that is indeed a personal decision. I'm a bit too old to stay single, so, i need to think my way out. Good luck though

 

Me too. I have always thought that way, and still do. It was the biggest depressive thought I have. 'Why can girls be so pleasent but not guys', I read many times other people's opinions on internet about women's desires and couldn't get what I want to hear. Some said they are submissive and so they like dominance, some say they are into only personality. So why can't men be loved for just being a man I thought. 'Why God created genders in such stupid way' I thought. But I started to change because I couldn't live with this belief, it was like hell.

 

SHIT THIS IS DEEP NGL

 

I have the opposite problem.
I feel like everyone is checking me out.
And Ironically I have been advised on many occasions that I should look after myself because I look ( said Indirectly) "ugly".

Isn't it opposite to what @AtomicTango said.