Sexual Frustration (understatement of the year...)

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by e8ight, May 12, 2017.

  1. e8ight

    e8ight Fapstronaut

    So I'm on day 52 of my reboot. So far so good, not many urges and the ones I've had have been easily manageable. But...

    The last few nights I've had sex dreams and have woken up insanely horny. Initially this is OK - I feel quite fired up and ready to go out and 'find a partner.' Then I go out and it becomes quite obvious that I don't really know how to go about finding a partner and all of a sudden what was quite a pleasurable drive and energy becomes something of a problem; a genuine, deeply felt urge that can't be fulfilled. The term isn't quite sufficient but nonetheless I would describe it as quite a deeply felt frustration. This feels to be building up and I'm not sure exactly what to do about it. I think really I need to take some steps to try and make some connections with women, try approaching some girls in public, just doing something that makes me feel like (as you can probably tell though I'm not too convinced that I am able to do this).

    Does anyone have any thoughts/ideas? Either in how to deal with the frustration internally, or how to go about sorting it out externally
  2. e8ight

    e8ight Fapstronaut

    Apologies, day 51...
  3. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

    Maybe expand your criteria for a partner?
  4. Irish Explorer

    Irish Explorer Fapstronaut

    Because you're still getting ready to be ready. You don't want to find a partner right now because she'll be just like you are. You want to continue building yourself into a high-value man that high-value women want to be with. So when you do that and you're confident, loving life, and feeling successful, you'll be right on time to meet someone that's also confident, loving life, and feeling successful.

    That advice is if you want a loving relationship. If, and there's no judgement here, you want to have a fling, then just hit up Tinder or OK Cupid and you'll be laid before the weekend guaranteed.
    e8ight and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  5. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    I agree. I went through a period of loneliness years ago. I didn't fix the PMO, but I worked on a lot of other things. I got super fit. I started making it a goal to just talk to people. I decided to be talkative with no ulterior motive like hooking up. I listened to people, asked questions, took a genuine interest in them and stopped being so judgmental. It was amazing how my mood improved and how I felt less lonely. I also felt less needy. Do that and beat PMO and afterwards you'll really be able to connect with others.
    e8ight likes this.
  6. e8ight

    e8ight Fapstronaut

    Yup, in total agreement with all that (plus much of what you are saying LavaMe). Partly because that's what I'm already doing - I guess my frustration originates in my expectations of myself being higher than my current reality, which I know from experience is a bad road to go down.

    In a sense, pretty straightforward. Time to get back to growing:) Thank you all!
  7. Matrix Intel

    Matrix Intel Guest

    I'd stay away from those sites, lots of scammers. Paid sites like are much better. Avoid e harmony like the plague. E harmony is basically a waiting game. Fuck that site.
    e8ight likes this.
  8. Woodchester

    Woodchester Guest

    Dating sites (including Tinder etc) have probably made me more depressed than any other single thing over the last 3-4 years. All they have done is confirm my worst fears and amplify a hitherto suppressed sense of hopelessness; making me feel that I truly am beyond hope. So, unless you're fortunate enough to be very good-looking, I would avoid those like the plague.

    To the OP I can only say that I feel your pain, can totally empathise with what you are going through, so you can at least rest assured that there is nothing strange about it, and that you are not alone.
  9. Faptain_Harris

    Faptain_Harris Fapstronaut

    Actually I would stay away from dating sites. At least the free ones. They're full of single moms or women that can create their own gravitational singularity.

    Your inbox will be spammed with porn pics or escorts.

    Even if you do see a cutie, you have to stop and think. Dating or sex is a supply and demand thing. Men, even if we are the best looking guys in the room, we still have to have "game".
    We have to convince women we are worth their time. Nothing wrong with that, it's the way of the world.

    However, women are the opposite. They have an endless supply of potential and horny suitors vying for their attention. If they wanted to, they could walk into a bar and shout "who wants it" and leave with somebody. Even the fat ones.

    So this brings to mind that more than likely, a woman that has to resort to online dating is damaged goods and they're either using a dating site as a plan B for their current boyfriend (who is probably also a plan B) or their pictures are from 100 pounds ago.

    I've even done reverse image searches to make sure people don't pop up on escort sites. None of them did but for example if they're using their dating profile pic as their Facebook pic, you can also see that it was uploaded 2-3 years ago.
  10. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

    Man, I totally understand. I'm on day 55 and my sexual radar is on "high alert" everywhere I go. Locked and loaded and ready to fire.
    e8ight likes this.

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

    You are still rebooting bro. I know what you are talking about. Do not rush things. Let your emotions settle before you start thinking about girls again. At least wait until you have reached the 90-day milestone. Do you work out, meditate? How about reading? Focus on improving your life as much as possible so that when you reach 90 days you will be ready.
    e8ight likes this.
  12. e8ight

    e8ight Fapstronaut

    I'm definitely not going to go for the dating sites. There are many reasons, but only one matters - they are a gateway that leads to the realm of porn.

    It really helps to know that other people have experienced the same and that the consensus is generally to push through and continue to take responsibility for myself. This is what this journey has been about at its core since the beginning - if I let it become about getting girls to fuck me then it won't be sustainable, or will lead to more bad habits.

    Since first posting this and getting the initial responses I've been reflecting, and realised that this is an absolutely golden time in life. Our habits and their consequences often remain largely invisible, so times (like during a reboot) when we see all-too-clearly what the score is, and have the energy to back the insight up with doing-what-needs-to-be-done, are incredibly precious.
    RainyPuddle, Woodchester and LavaMe like this.
  13. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    Excellent insight.

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