So you stop fapping, your health impoves, you become more confident, maybe you start working out, maybe you start eating healthy. You haven't fapped in quite some time now, you're getting your shit together. No longer do you see an addict in the mirror as much as a "Fighter". Superpowers right? You've become a person who pushes back.
That would be the opposite of shame. Where girls are giving you more attention, because you have accepted your nature, your shadow, the "taboo". Now that you have healthy boundaries you don't see yourself judging women for wanting sex. You're not judging yourself anymore. You haven't felt the need to shame for a while now. You feel normal and you don't know why you ever felt it wrong to appreciate Cathy's sex appeal at work for all this time. It's light. It's not porn.
Or you might be getting your shit together. Pride and all. Confidence is up. Maybe you meet someone at the bar, she thinks you're hot, she thinks you're charming...
You don't know what to do. Why? Something so natural, you want to have sex with her, but you feel ashamed of it. You're confusing sex with sexuality. You should escalate it a bit, maybe flirt a bit, at least get her number - you might be telling yourself. You are thinking it through rationally, you wash your hands at the basin. You come back and you either proudly hold eye contact or you don't. It's that simple. Maybe it's because you're just socially anxious. Maybe it's cause you don't look good naked. Idk.
But let's assume: You've been taught to be ashamed of your sexual urges/fantasies since you were little and now anything you actually want to do feels wrong. You are scared of making a wrong move - cause you always have been - BECAUSE even by thinking about a person in that way "you have already sinned." The idea of this sin has grown, evolved and changed your behaviour. You are the one who claims to not even really get any superpowers or whatever. You haven't healed your shame. You don't know how to act.
I want this thread to be spesifically about this issue, as far as we can manage. If you are gay for instance, your situation is a bit different but please try to keep the discussion geared towards healing shame. I get this is a religious moral issue I'm pointing out, but this is as much about feeling you have inadiquate social skills as it is about slut shaming. I don't want this to be about Christianity, I don't want to vent about ideology - I just want to invite people to think for themselves about what is called "shame based behaviour", unhealthy shame. To identify with shame. It's a moral issue. It's an issue where we are dealing with lies. It's an issue of life denial.
That would be the opposite of shame. Where girls are giving you more attention, because you have accepted your nature, your shadow, the "taboo". Now that you have healthy boundaries you don't see yourself judging women for wanting sex. You're not judging yourself anymore. You haven't felt the need to shame for a while now. You feel normal and you don't know why you ever felt it wrong to appreciate Cathy's sex appeal at work for all this time. It's light. It's not porn.
Or you might be getting your shit together. Pride and all. Confidence is up. Maybe you meet someone at the bar, she thinks you're hot, she thinks you're charming...
You don't know what to do. Why? Something so natural, you want to have sex with her, but you feel ashamed of it. You're confusing sex with sexuality. You should escalate it a bit, maybe flirt a bit, at least get her number - you might be telling yourself. You are thinking it through rationally, you wash your hands at the basin. You come back and you either proudly hold eye contact or you don't. It's that simple. Maybe it's because you're just socially anxious. Maybe it's cause you don't look good naked. Idk.
But let's assume: You've been taught to be ashamed of your sexual urges/fantasies since you were little and now anything you actually want to do feels wrong. You are scared of making a wrong move - cause you always have been - BECAUSE even by thinking about a person in that way "you have already sinned." The idea of this sin has grown, evolved and changed your behaviour. You are the one who claims to not even really get any superpowers or whatever. You haven't healed your shame. You don't know how to act.
I want this thread to be spesifically about this issue, as far as we can manage. If you are gay for instance, your situation is a bit different but please try to keep the discussion geared towards healing shame. I get this is a religious moral issue I'm pointing out, but this is as much about feeling you have inadiquate social skills as it is about slut shaming. I don't want this to be about Christianity, I don't want to vent about ideology - I just want to invite people to think for themselves about what is called "shame based behaviour", unhealthy shame. To identify with shame. It's a moral issue. It's an issue where we are dealing with lies. It's an issue of life denial.
we should aim to self-overcome. But to avoid shame in doing so we must know our limits. We must understand that the most fundamental problems of life are insoluble and that they can only be outgrown - Jung again. I think it's an issue about strength, to be strong in every manner. But also, like Christopher McCandless quotes what he read somewhere, "I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing the blind death alone with nothing to help you but your hands in your own heads"