Sexual Urges and my view on women

Congrats on the new job and progress so far, good stuff!

I've had similar challenges in the past, and would also be interested to hear other's take on this.

For me I've found changing my sexual expectations helps. Instead of expecting sex, or seeing women naked, or even flirting with women, I instead shift my value to appreciating feminine nature.

What does that look like? Consciously acknowledging my ancestors never had access to 100s of naked women, and that women are pretty awesome to be around even when they're not being sexual.

In practice? Going for a walk and smiling when I pass a woman. Asking the librarian for advice and having a normal chat. Or buying a coffee and asking how the girl on the barista is going with her day.

It's a different buzz. But it's a connection to the feminine side. It also changes how you feel about yourself. You said it yourself that you're not looking for dating right now. So if you define your values around simply appreciating women, then you can fulfill that quite easily, and any connection is an unexpected bonus.

 

I love this advice. Yes, absolutely, yes. I feel exactly this kind of shift in my own thinking right now.

I think it's critical to re-frame your metrics for romantic success. Little interactions that can be playful, not even breaking the threshold of "flirty" let alone sexual are excellent fuel for the romantic soul. So many girls are cute, sweet, kind, and warm. It's nice to shift your attention to those qualities and to make an art form out of being the guy who lifts these beautiful creatures up. Find ways to make them smile without framing the exchange as a step toward or away from sex. If a girl looks like she's having a tough day, crack a joke. Tell her that she did a great job at something. Tell her that tough days pass and that she should take time for herself. The amazing thing I've found is that appreciating and boosting the spirits of females lifts me up. And makes me feel more confident in who I am and shifts the attitude that I have toward interactions with girls toward genuine interaction and heartfelt warmth. And lemme tell ya, friend, they're right when they say that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone. For you and for her.

I'm sorry you've struggled lately with this but if there's a silver lining, I think it's that those struggles are turning your attention toward work on an important part of your personal journey. There's powerful magic in this line of thinking if you pursue it far enough.

 

Thanks, and that's a great description of how these things can feel and the benefits of it!

Porn made me over sexualise women. Red pill theory made me resent them. But getting away from that and back into the real world, it's a great thing to just make someone smile and see where a simple interaction can go.