Sexuality and Religion

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Jae, Jul 12, 2015.

  1. Jae

    Jae Fapstronaut

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    I'm a 16 year old girl who's been dealing with PMO for about 5 years now. I grew up in a Christian household. My church, and all of my family are against gay marriage. My parents even go out of their way to poke fun at gays.

    My first view of porn was of a girl. I could never use anything but porn involving girls. That gradually turned into me watching lesbian porn. The male parts just disgusted me. I would quickly turn off the computer or phone if I saw male parts. So, at a very young age I identified myself as a lesbian.

    Once I hit puberty, though, that all changed. I went from watching strictly female porn to strictly guy porn. Once I started recieving attention from guys my own age, that boosted my viewing.

    Now, here I am. 16 years old and thoroughly confused. I mainly see guys as something to play. No relationship ever goes far because I see men as tools. Women, on the other hand, I don't look at as often, but when I do I'm smitten. I hear wedding bells and I doodle their last name onto mine. Does this make me bi? Even though I can never see myself in a relationship with a guy? Only for sex?

    And of course this all boils back down to my upbringing. Gay marriage has been legalized and my parents practically shit themselves. I have openly gay friends, whom I can never bring home because my parents aren't shy to ridicule, even in public.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. Jake Wards

    Jake Wards Fapstronaut

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    You can get off to both so you sound Bi to me. But to be honest I don't think there is much point in asking yourself that question. Obviously try not to PMO but out in the world be attracted to whoever you want and don't worry about how that might define/ label you.
     
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  3. Zinc

    Zinc Fapstronaut

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    Do you have a close relationship with your parents?

    People who grow up in abusive homes have much higher libidos and can turn closer to bisexuality. I grew up in a tough home and got into puberty when I was 9. When I was 16 like you, there was nothing but sex in my head.
     
  4. Cyrus the Virus

    Cyrus the Virus Fapstronaut

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    It is entirely possible that PMO has distorted your sexuality. After years of watching tame P the brain begins to want to see more new and exciting material to get a bigger dopamine hit. I know that it is very common for straight male PMO addicts to start watching gay male P. I myself began to linger towards bisexual P. It was confusing because I confidently identify as straight, but I began to think maybe I had bi tendencies. After not PMOing for a while now I can definitely say it was an effect of watching too much PMO and my brain wanting to see new things, no matter the sexual orientation.

    Also, remember that we all have unique sexualities. We all fit somewhere on a wide spectrum, very few people are absolutely 100% straight or 100% gay. There is nothing weird or unusual about about being towards the middle of that wide spectrum of sexuality. I don't know where you find yourself, but nonetheless don't let your parent's ignorance stop you from being you and loving the people that you want to love, women or men, it doesn't matter.
     
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  5. Icyweb

    Icyweb Fapstronaut

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    It's possible you're bi, but I think what Cyrus said is more likely. When you're young, it's easy be confused about your sexuality. Especially when you have a pmo addiction.
    I believe there's nothing wrong with being gay, but that it's wrong to act on those attractions. I don't know what you're views are, but I would encourage you to pray about it. I would be happy to talk with you about it if you want to send me a PM too. I would encourage you to just focus on school, platonic friendships, and life in general right now. There's no need to worry about your sexuality until you're older. The same goes for people with no questions about their orientation. Get your life started, and then work on relationships.
     
  6. Captain B

    Captain B Fapstronaut

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    First of all, the way you write about all of this sounds very mature and well-reflected for your age, I'm pretty impressed!

    I agree with Cyrus and I'd suggest you might want to leave porn alone to find out if your gender preferences change over time.

    And I'd like to just give you a counter opinion to Icyweb's statement (I don't want to start a big debate, just give you another opinion so you can make up your mind yourself): I don't think you should surpress your feelings. If you feel attracted to girls, I think it's totally fine to act on those attractions. Surpressing sexuality can actually make things worse. That's why most of the time shame and guilt won't get people to stop PMO - it just makes it more interesting. A lot of people go through try-out phases during puberty, I'd say just see where it goes.
     
  7. It's completely normal for girls your age to swing both ways for a short while. In fact, most teenage girls do, they just never really talk about it with anyone. There are millions of posts like yours all over the internet. It doesn't even mean you're bi. A lot of other teens in your same situation, when they become adults, soon realise that they are actually straight.

    Maybe just put this down to hormones. Who knows? You're still finding out who you are.

    I do in some sense strongly agree with the others in this thread, that PMO can really play around with your sexuality. It really can. I remember when I was in my late teens, like from age 17-19, there was a phase in my life where I wasn't sure if I was attracted to other men or not. It isn't that I thought I was gay or anything, I was still attracted to women, but porn messed me up for a short while and I spoke to other men who experienced similar emotions in their teens as well. Now being 26, I look back and think, what?

    I'm 100% straight and I've never had second doubts since my late teens. Don't get me wrong, I'd have no shame in being gay. In fact, I'm pro gay. But I now realise that porn messed up my brain back then and played with my sexuality. Shit, sometimes I think that porn is more dangerous than we realise.

    I used to be a Christian too by the way. Maybe one day in a future post I'll speak about that more and my reasons for leaving the faith, but it might not be appropriate to go into on this type of site, as I'm pretty sure it will spark too much debate :D
     
  8. Icyweb

    Icyweb Fapstronaut

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    I don't want to start a huge debate here either, but I'm not trying to suggest an unhealthy suppression of anything. I'm saying that high school aged relationships normally do a lot of harm and very little good, and a break from them may be beneficial in sorting out your orientation. Abstinence from romance and sex won't do you any psychological or physical harm, so I think it's just better to hold off on them until life is a little more sorted out. Of course you can't wait for it to be perfect, because it never is, but it may be good to take it slow until you're out of your teen years.
    The best advice I can think to give you is, think about it, pray about it, but don't dwell on it too much.
     
  9. Jodokus

    Jodokus Fapstronaut

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    I have another opinion [​IMG]:p

    ok, first I have to say that I can't really give you advice, Jae.
    I've had a lesbian (or bi) friend, 17y - she already had had her comming out and lived with her gf but still had this problem of unclear sexual orientation and she watched porn plus she had border line symptoms or say . We knew each other over a shared hobby, spended some time (years ago) and I think she's well and fine now.
    That's probably what me motivates to write this post [​IMG]:D
    (Though you're probably entirely different than that girl)
    So I read your thread with interest. But I really don't know much of your kind of situation.

    That said I'll give my opinion:
    you say you're lonely, confused about your sexuality and you are addicted to porn
    - so try it out. Find out in the real world.
    Or have you already? You see guys as toys, you have openly gay friends, it sounds to me, you already have quite an experience. Whatsoever, when I read the last post of Icyweb, that sounded good to me. (Me too I tend to say "be careful" to a 16y old girl)
    If abstinence and waiting is an option for you, Jae, I'm sure there's something in it for ya. You might focus better on your goals, and enjoy other things, leaving sex for later years, when you have a better grip on life. But when that's not an option (and thats my guess) I propose to look for the experience in the real world and look for people that you trust to experience love and sex.

    IMO the human sexuality is a pretty messed up thing in itself. And porn is made to exploit our sexuality. Don't let yourself be exploited!

    and remember that porn has nothing to do with sex in reality

    I hope 4u that you will get along with your parents and I know you can be strong!
     
  10. zavman

    zavman New Fapstronaut

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    this is weird, I had the exact same problem, except it was reversed for me
    Because of my up bringing, and porn, and the whole respecting women, and probably a deep rooted fear of rejection, I saw guys as play things, and girls i got smitten over. the problem was, due to me massive exposure to porn, sex with my ex didn't feel as exciting as it could, and she was sooooo hot.
    I would strongly recommend getting off porn first, spending time with yourself, following your bliss.

    When it come to relationships (I'm going way of topic here, but I'm going to share what I wish someone kicked into my head 10 years ago) I found that the best thing to do is to not get attached to them acting any particular way in order for you to be happy, a sort of unconditional acceptance of who they are, and to accept yourself first as well.

    when you're really into someone more than yourself,in that specific moment they are probably not into you as much (the best thing to do is to not see them as the end all be all, but to love yourself first).

    if you want them to pay more attention to you, focus more on you than on them.

    they'll come like moths to a flame (just do what you're doing with the guys)

    I haven't found a time where i was really into a girl and she was really into me in equal doses. usually one goes up and the other down.

    when you get attached to them acting a certain way, that leads to expectations, which leads to suffering. In a lot of the cases I've seen, people in pain lash out against others, especially those who "wronged them" (misery loves company). That's why I went on a rant.

    I hurt her, but no matter how much pain I inflicted, it didn't make me feel better, I just wanted to cause more pain, because I was also in pain



    lastly, you're a teenager, your hormones are through the roof. All that power is wasted if you spend all your time thinking about sex and relationships (this might be a more male thing). use that power for more creative pursuits and to accomplish things.
    If you're already starting to do that, Great!

    of course I'm a newbie myself, It's only been 7 days, but I must say, I can feel the massive creative potential already.

    thx for reading
     
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