It's been two months now since I've looked at porn or fantasized about sex. I grew up in a conservative Christian context and though it's been years since I've subscribed to the ideas I grew up with, I'm overwhelmed by shame. It's killing me. I've been brutally honest with myself for the last two months and as things have come up, things I've remembered, I've been overwhelmed by shame. My partner demands to know everything and I've told her, even things from years ago, before we knew each other. I feel more and more self-loathing all the time. I begin to feel ashamed just by going through my day. If I'm brushing my teeth, I feel ashamed. If I tie my shoes, I feel ashamed. If I look at anyone, regardless of whether they're young or old, male or female, attractive or not, I feel ashamed. I've always thought of myself generally as a good guy, but I'm questioning my value as a person to dangerous degrees. I'm crying all the time. I'm wrecked. I need release but no matter how many gruesome details I confess there always seems to be more. I don't know how to forgive myself. From what I understand, my use of porn was not really that extreme or outlandish, but the feelings I have toward myself are pretty brutal. I'm going to therapy, groups, talking with friends and family, reading endlessly. I never thought of porn as being my life, but now it has become my life, not viewing it but acknowledging the destructiveness it has had in my life and overcoming the pull it has always had on me. I'm trying to face my past without minimizing anything, but instead I feel like things are being blown way out of proportion. If a close friend told me the things I'm now acknowledging that I've done, if he was even half as repentant as I am, I would embrace him and assure him that he was still worthy of love. I can't seem to express the same thing to myself. I look at myself and want to be violent. If anyone has any thoughts on Self-love and forgiveness, of overcoming shame, I would greatly appreciate it. I don't know how to move forward. I feel haunted.