Shameful story...

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by WeWillNeverFall, Jul 2, 2019.

  1. WeWillNeverFall

    WeWillNeverFall Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys... Finally I have the guts to share my story here and repent what I did in my past. BTW I'm not really good in English.

    I was born in a very beautiful family and my family is somehow wealthy at that time. I was very naughty since I was young, and I often didn’t listen to my parents that made then pissed. I remember that when I was very young, I started playing games, and I often played without sleeping, especially when my parents went out to work. I remember the first time I was interested in "sex" when I watched a song's MV, where the kissing scene... I really know nothing about sex at that time, but that really made me feel pleasure thinking about boy and girl being togather... Since that time, I have started some sexual fantasies. I imagined the scene of boys and girls, although I still don't understand sex.

    Everything happened to a Cambodian maid who came to our house. She came from a poor family and was a very well-behaved, hardworking and kind girl. At that time, I was about 13 years old, she was a few years older. My mother is very good to her, I was jealous at that time. She may not have a TV at home, so sometimes my parents will invite her to watch a movie at home. I was very jealous at that time. What kind of person I'm. Sometimes I will bully her with friends who come to play at home. Although it is not physical bullying, we will make fun of her. Sometimes I will criticize her in front of my parents. I am such a jerk...

    Once I had a bad idea about her. At that time, although I didn't know about the real sex, I didn't know the thing between men and women. But I actually want to invade her. At first I still have a little conscience and I don't dare to do that. But at that time, because my parents often went out, my sister also went to tutoring. I used to be alone at home with her. At that time, my head began planning how to invade her. I tried to approach her with her, plan to play with her. She was very happy with me at that time, and then once I had the opportunity, I did a very bad and unspoken thing for her, at the time she is resist . After the first time, whenever the parents are not there. I will go to invade her. She was very pitiful and helpless at that time. She cried a few times... but still she treat me nice, she is a real good person. I asked her not to tell my parents, how shameless behavior, I hate myself. Once I gave her a slap in the face, she was so sad that she slept in the warehouse outside the house. I lied to my mother at that time saying that she made a mistake. Because her english is not very good, she can only say a few words. So she is often silently bear. Every time I invade her, I feel guilty about her, but these seem to be the tears of crocodiles, I am scum. This is what I was, treat good people like shi*, fuc**** horrible person.

    This has been going on for a year, and finally because the language is more difficult to communicate, parents decide not to hire her anymore. This is really a very good thing for her. I begged her to forgive me before she left. She accepted my apology. After she went back, I lived in fear and fear every day for a while, and I was afraid that she would report me when she went back. She could, but she didn't. What a fuc**** piece of shi* I'm.

    If there is somehow someone who have an intention to hurt, rape, invade, whatever. Or maybe you treat a good person very bad ((well that's me or some bad things in your life. No metter who the person is, please STOP, let me share about what will come after you if you don't. Well there is law out there, police, whatever, but somehow we maybe are lucky to escape from it, like me. But there is a thing that will NEVER LET YOU GO, your conscience. You can lie to yourself, paralysis your brain, but inside your heart you know you will going to live with that pain ! You live with fear, regretful and anxiety. Whenever you see those good people walking on the road and having a good life, you will be eager to have never made those mistakes. One more thing that will came after you is call "karma", the cause and effect. I don't know if people believe on this. But I'm here to tell you that this really happend to me. Somehow I'm was not ugly, but since I did that, my appearance did change a lot. I looks real ugly and stinky. My eye, my nose, mouth, looks real damn ugly, unconcious everyday, looks real worst then PMO for 10years. While I go everywhere, everyone dislike me. I have no luck at all. You life turn up-side-down, the life just feels suck.I used to get many many A in school, but after that I can't even study well, failed in many exam, totally a failure. All the bad things (too much to tell...) never happened to me before I hurt her. My personality became like shi*, like a real piece of shi*. I wish I was never born. You did something bad, bad things came after you, it's just like that simple. You punch the wall, your hand get hurt.

    If I were never invade her, instead I use all the energy and time to do something good, study, exercise. My life will be totally different. This is the simple law of nature... the karma. Just don't against it with your precious life and time... same nature law goes to PMO.

    Althrough I started to assist lots of charitable, I pray for her, I wish she can hear me... my life started to change abit the reason I feels my heart turn good day by day after I join charity program...but I can't never forgive myself...

    Fellow friends... I wish to be judge, to be scold... humiliation... I had dishonor my family... One thing... choose to do the thing that you won't regret one day. Ask yourself about that before you make any decision...

    Sorry Memo, sorry for everyting....
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2019
  2. cBettyford

    cBettyford Fapstronaut

    Thank you for having the courage to share your story here with us. Needless to say what you did was very wrong. Rape can destroy another one‘s life and her being poor might leave her believing even more she has no value therefore can be used and abused. But I am not here to judge you. You did that already.
    It‘s good you spoke it out. You say you‘re scum, shit and all of that.
    What you did was scum, shit etc. What you are is more complex, there is love inside you too, or you wouldn‘t be shamefully confessing and regretting and suffering. Still after all these years.

    May I ask: Do you have her address? Can you find her? And tell her looking into her eyes that you are deeply deeply sorry? Write to her? Memo is her name I guess. Not sure if she will read your apology here ...

    Not sure if that‘s possible at all. Just thought of it.
     
    Wugazi32 likes this.
  3. Hello and welcome!

    I dont really understand, but I suppose you are trying to say that you raped her?

    That was not good, but you were 13 at the time right?
    You said you asked her to apologize you, did she apologize you?

    IF she somehow wasnt hurt or shattered by it, then you shouldnt be too hard on yourself.
    That is if she accepted your apologize.


    However, how old are you today?
    13 and such is an age where most people do crazy things, hell I did a stupid thing to my loving GF when I was 22, not rape, but I feel bad about it even though she forgave me, if I would have been 13 then I wouldnt even think of it as of today.


    You dont have to worry, you were a kid, literally.

    Look man, you know what you did was wrong and you wont to it again.
    Maybe try to find her and write her a letter?

    Being forgiven is like a way to ”undo” whatever has been done, as long as its her decision.




    You are not a rapist, you WERE a 13-year old child with bad self control, but thats not who you are today.
     
    FX-05 likes this.
  4. WeWillNeverFall

    WeWillNeverFall Fapstronaut

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    *****Trigger alert****
    Thank you for saying that... I really appreciate. Well I forgot to mention that I didn't ever did sex with her... Just like taking her clothes off... and touch her... I did not know her address... I wish I could found her someday...
     
  5. bikinhappy

    bikinhappy Fapstronaut

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    Pray for her.
    If you cant found her do good things to a lot of people. May God forgive you and give you good karma :)
     
    Jwarrior77 likes this.
  6. WeWillNeverFall

    WeWillNeverFall Fapstronaut

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    Thanks pal... Im 22 now. Well I didn't have sex with her... as I write on another comment... I really wish I can found her... I just cannot forgive myself... I can't forget about everything, her pain, suffer and more...urghhh.... fuc* me...
     
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  7. cBettyford

    cBettyford Fapstronaut

    Don‘t expect me to say now ... ah ok then it‘s not so bad. It is.

    Here‘s what you wrote:

    She was very pitiful and helpless at that time. She cried a few times... but still she treat me nice, she is a real good person. I asked her not to tell my parents, how shameless behavior, I hate myself. Once I gave her a slap in the face, she was so sad that she slept in the warehouse outside the house.

    It didn‘t happen once. You used her several times, slapped her ...
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

  8. Hey, thats better than I thought!

    What you did still wasnt a good thing, but LOTS of people do it, especially during that age, for real.
    Not many guys confess it though.

    In school, most guys would ”joke” and touch the girls breast or butts etc, its a similar thing.



    You seem like you have grown up to be a better guy today, I have done stupid things, we all have, you will make mistakes again and so will I, but you have learned not to repeat the same mistake.
     
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  9. WeWillNeverFall

    WeWillNeverFall Fapstronaut

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    Well... I'm sorry... I does't mean that... my english is real bad... I don't want comfort... I just mean to appriciete...
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2019
  10. WeWillNeverFall

    WeWillNeverFall Fapstronaut

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    I did worst to her...
     


  11. Youre right, but still a rape would be worse.
    What has been done is not good at all, the slapping is what hits me (no pun) and the fact that she was crying.

    BUT, he was only 13 and it was almost 10 years ago, he is a better guy now and he needs to let it go, I would recommend writing the girl a letter of apology though. For her.
     
  12. What do you mean?
     
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  13. cadia guardsman

    cadia guardsman Fapstronaut

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    But you werent inside of her so its not rape , it is harassment i think , still a very bad thing ofcourse
    But look , that is pass , and you cant Change the pass , what you can Change is the present and the future só focus of redeming yourself doing good stuff instead of just having remourses about what you did

    I did some tthings that im not proud off at that age (altough nothing close to that) but you have to move forward and learn from your mistakes

    In my case when i was 11 there was a girl at school older than me , maybe 13 or 14) that touched me , and even invinted me to go to the bathroom but i didnt go and i simply didnt care about that , looking now ahah maybe i did a mistake i could had loose virginity at only 11 and She was pretty (altough very crazy) but naaaah at that time i was more interested to play football , altough short time after that episodes i started PMO
     
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  14. WeWillNeverFall

    WeWillNeverFall Fapstronaut

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    Take her clothes off.....
     
  15. cBettyford

    cBettyford Fapstronaut

    So a poor girl a few years older than thirteen can be sexually abused several times and slapped, this going on for over a year, by a wealthy boy who‘s only thirteen years old??
    And as it‘s ten years ago and he‘s good now oh well then hey don‘t worry ... ???
     
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  16. WeWillNeverFall

    WeWillNeverFall Fapstronaut

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    I hate myself
     
  17. cBettyford

    cBettyford Fapstronaut

    @WeWillNeverFall - Again, it’s good you come here and speak it out. You see you got some different reactions already.

    Not sure though what you expect from it? You want to hear it‘s ok? You want to be told your scum? Are you looking for absolution? Or just sharing it so it‘s no longer eating you up?

    As it is still haunting you why not put that effort into finding her. Only she can give you what you seem to need.
     

  18. No man, thats not what I was trying to say.

    Look, I agree with you, but I’m trying to find a way for him to not beat himself up too much about it.

    As I said, he should try to find her and tell her sorry and do good things overall.




    It was a horrible thing to do, but no matter what, its in the past and they were both children, children can be completel assholes, and especially boys, but heknows what he did was wrong now, he feels like shit and he feels like he has to confess it to us and probably to her aswell.


    Like i said, writing her a letter showing true regret and remorse is the only thing to do.
     
    cBettyford likes this.
  19. RUNDMC

    RUNDMC Fapstronaut

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    And he and his friends taunted her, don't forget that. Basically just full scale war.
     
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  20. cadia guardsman

    cadia guardsman Fapstronaut

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    Hating yourself wont emend what you did.... You have to do something to redeem yourself , like idk you Said you were rich so why dont give Money to rape association that help women that had that expirience , it is something you can do , or maybe get involved on those organizations

    I give you an example of what i did (altough it is a very different case) some years ago i hated myself because when i was a kid my "friends" steal from me my toys and colections and i noticed that they do that but i did nothing just wanting to BE everybodys friend....... i hated me for years for letting them to that to me ....then i started improving myself , started MMA , jiujitsu and gym , and baaaaam i got much bigger , stronger skilled, confident , now those motherfuckers respect me ahah even avoid me , i take no shit from anywone now
     

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