Shameful story...

Hating yourself is not only useless but destructive. Will the damage to her life be repaired if you destroy your own life in regret and sorrow?

Hate what you have done, not yourself. Let your understanding of the evil acts you committed drive you to root out the evil in your own soul. If you have sons one day, or male friends now, teach them to be different, to treat women differently, especially women who are unable to defend themselves.

If you hate yourself, eventually you will give in to despair, perhaps even think about suicide. This you must not do.

Most likely, you will never have the opportunity to apologise to this woman, but by changing your life, you can make an offering of repentance to her. Hating yourself won't do her any good at all.

 

Have you ever told it to someone else before?

 

Then it‘s a good step you made coming here and telling it. Must have cost you quite a bit I‘m sure.
I myself am good at keeping secrets to myself therefore I know speaking it out loud for others to hear is the only way to conquer shame. Shame only survives in hiding.

How do you feel now after having said it for the first time @WeWillNeverFall ?

 

Love it

 

This ^

 

Who wins then? Not you. Not her. Only the evil one, who is putting these evil thoughts into your mind. Choose resistance and repentance, not despair and death.

 

Come on man, youre a better person today!

People do stupid things.
You have not killed, you have not raped.
You harrassed and hit a girl when you were THIRTEEN, you are not that 13 year old kid anymore, you are a young man and you seem to take responsibility for your past behaviour, just like most of is here do.

Move on, try to let go of the past and be who you are today

 

Hey buddy relax, yes, it was wrong what you did, but do you feel capable of doing the same again? If no, you are not as bad as you were!


Look, if i remember correctly, the brain is fully evolved at around the age of 25. You (and me) are still young and dumb but not nearly as a 13 year old.



Please, try speaking to a psych about this, you need help to let go.
I have the same issues as you, I feel very bad and disgusting (I used to take pics of my GF without her knowledge, crop her face out and show her body for short anmounts of time on a fetish site) but I dont do it anymore and she did forgive me after I decided to tell her, its hard to forgive yourself, I know that, but theres no other way out.

 

@WeWillNeverFall Have you had these strong feelings about yourself during all these ten years or did they only come up recently?

 

Maybe your regret is too much @WeWillNeverFall. You got this older girl naked, right. That was bad, of course.

But nothing really happened. You did not have sex with her. So, torturing yourself all these years later will not help you.

 

Then do something. The right thing.

 

Hey, stop, please, do yourself a favour and talk with a psych, people do way more horrible things and overcome it.


This was 10 years ago, your brain is not the same as it was, it has evolved and so have you!

Please man, dont do anything stupid.

Youre not a bad person inside today!

 

He raped her but won't call it that.