Sharing pics of partner

Dear chrimminey christmas add another reason to the list why I outta never watch porn again.

Healing takes time man. But I feel the best way to cut you off is completely get rid of the photos......and tell your partner about everything. It's the least you can do if you love her.

 

To start, I don't know how helpful it is to jump on you about how bad this is. You made the point in your post that you know this and how ashamed you are of it. So I want to focus more on what you can do, since you are posting here looking for help.

I'd suggest you do some careful thinking about why you are drawn to do this. You mention that you're proud of having a sexy partner, which is nice, but it doesn't really explain this behavior, which is a base degrading to her. You mention that degrading comments about her are one of the things you like, which says that you're not really posting her looking for compliments. There is, as another poster, suggested a high that comes from doing something secretly, so illicit, and that makes sense. But I suspect there are deeper motives for why this particular fetish appeals to you. Getting at the core of why you do this will help immensely in controlling this behavior. For that, you may want to consider a therapist's help.

 

@RiverBlue had a great response to this.

I agree that figuring out why you do this will be vital to stopping the behaviour.

I am guessing that you are not alone in this behaviour. Yes, it could be related to cuckold fantasies (my personal kryptonite) but it could also be about power and control. You are, in effect, humiliating these women and yet they don't even know it. Only you know it (that's control). And, you are duping these other guys when you pretend to be the woman posting the photos (more control). Some part of you gets off and shaming and harming these women, including your partner . . . without calling that good or bad (or illegal) why do you think you might be doing this. You resent them for some reason. You want to "get back" at them for some women. Perhaps you resent all women. A lot of addicts do, on some level.

Do you really want to be free of this? You don't have to be hard on yourself for what you have done or for what you have urges to do. Be proud of yourself for the work that you have done and for trying to change. Clearly, there is still some hard work ahead. Maybe next time you feel the urge to post photos of your wife online ask yourself - what am I really feeling right now? What triggered me to do this particular act? Am I mad at her about something?

Hopefully that helps, even if it's just a little.

 

Do your best to stay the course. Acknowledge that you are not only hurting yourself but you are hurting your wife and your relationship. Does she know? If she does good she can help you stay accountable. Are you willing to tell her? This will need some soul searching for sure. My wife knows about my issue and had caught me a few times. I have since come clean with her about everything. Perhaps not all the deep dark details but she has an idea. Stay strong one day at a time. Find an accountability partner. Hit me up. If you need to. It's all about changing our lifestyle and managing the urges

 

You need to stop asap my friend
You need pro help on this topic

 

It is hard. But imagine if she found out on her own. If you do truly value your relationship and want it to be as good as it can be o recommend telling her. It will be the hardest thing you ever do in your relationship. I came clean and my wife is still here. She was not at all happy and just barely understood. But we have been working on trust again. It is a long road. But of you want to be the best and have the best relationship I recommend it.

 

It's not ok to show those pics without her knowing. If you have a cuckold dynamic and she knew what you were doing and shared it with you then of course it would be ok. Betrayal is for many the number one way to end a relationship.

I too fantasize about watching my partner with other men and women. I've always been open about it and we get off on it together. Try it that way and you will have no shame. But if it isnt her thing then you need to honour and respect her and stop it right away before she finds out.

It may well be an extension of porn addiction. When I think of all the crazy shit I did when I was deeply into porn......it has warped us all into doing things we can't explain. Look at all the gay porn and trans fetish stuff. I've been there and done that. A couple of weeks cold Turkey and you come to your senses. Porn is plain and simply put the ruiner of our lives.

 

I’ve been in the same boat.

When I was 22-23 I used to share photos of her without her knowing just like you, sometimes pretending to be “her”.
Never had her face and body combined, thankfully I always cut her face and tattoos out from the explicit pictures.


I was doing it as a way to escape my issues and emotional problems in real life, until it came crashing down.
I broke down and decided to tell her.

Here we are, 3 years later, engaged and free from my childish behavior.


There is a way out, and who knows? Maybe she has another view of it? Some people do like being shown off, some don’t, but never take it for granted.

it’s good to be a little hard on yourself to force a change in your behavior, just don’t be TOO hard on yourself, it might be abusive, but it’s not like you’re a rapist or such.

My advice is to be a man about it and tell her.
Feel free to PM me any time, talking about it really helps.

 

Hi, I was in the same position as you, uploaded kinky pics without her face on ti a profile on a porn site, made the profile private so only for certain profiles to see etc, I got off on the comments, even the fantasy of my wife being with another man.
Well I got caught at the start of the year and my world fell apart, family knew, counseling etc, separating, solicitors etc. We have managed to get through it but honestly do porn if you need to buy don't use your partners pics without her permission, honestly if you get caught it's unbelievable. Speaking from experience

 

How did you get caught?

 

My wife must have been suspicious and looked in my phone, found emails from the site and it went from there