Sharing pics of partner

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by SJ88, Apr 30, 2021.

  1. SJ88

    SJ88 Fapstronaut

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    I have a real problem. For the last 2 years ive been going in some streaks, always relapsing sometimes binging then going back on. Im currently on day 20 no pmo. I have been having urges the last couple of days, especially today. Havent edged or anything, just urges in the mind.

    Heres the thing, my urges are not to watch porn. I can probably go ages without porn. My urges are to go on chatrooms and share pictures of girls i know including my partner and watching men comment on them. Im not sure why i get off on this but every single one of my triggers since i started all these streaks is related to this. Sometimes im pretending to be the girls im sending pics of...including my partner. These pics are either clothed pics showing the face or sometimes more intimate photos with the face cut out. I realise how bad this sounds and i am ashamed. This habit used to be alot worse, i once made a profile on a kink site with a whole gallery of pics of my wife (again without face) and enjoyed all the attention and degrading comments. I also made profiles on several dating apps. A real low was when i once shower her on skype to a man without her knowing.

    i have since deleted that profile and am off all similar sites (although i still think about them) but i had still been using chatrooms before my current streak and am constantly having thoughts about going back on and sharing pictures. Today im finding it so hard to resist the urge that i actually feel like a real addict and realised i have a big problem. This problem also triggered me to relapse on my longest streak of 58 days.

    Now that i have experienced the thrill im not sure how i can recover. Ive deleted all the pics but somehow always get them back from data recovery software. I try to figure out why i enjoy it. My partner is stunning and has a great figure so i guess its nice to have men lust after her knowing i have her? I dont know but youd think eventually i would tire of this but the urges just get stronger and stronger.

    Sometimes i think it would be better to be addicted to actual porn sites than this. This is affecting our sex like as sometimes when im with her im imagining her with other men and other degrading things. Not to mention i hate that im doing this behind her back. I really want to stop this but these urges pop up every so often and are so overwhelmingly strong.

    Im not sure if anyone has done anything remotely similar, would appreciate any sort of advice. I havent give in to these urges yet so im still on day 20 but what concerns me is ive been on longer streaks and have not recovered from this habit.
     
  2. Slimjimjones

    Slimjimjones Fapstronaut

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    Dear chrimminey christmas add another reason to the list why I outta never watch porn again.

    Healing takes time man. But I feel the best way to cut you off is completely get rid of the photos......and tell your partner about everything. It's the least you can do if you love her.
     
    +TenPercent and rebornanewlife like this.
  3. RiverBlue

    RiverBlue Fapstronaut

    To start, I don't know how helpful it is to jump on you about how bad this is. You made the point in your post that you know this and how ashamed you are of it. So I want to focus more on what you can do, since you are posting here looking for help.

    I'd suggest you do some careful thinking about why you are drawn to do this. You mention that you're proud of having a sexy partner, which is nice, but it doesn't really explain this behavior, which is a base degrading to her. You mention that degrading comments about her are one of the things you like, which says that you're not really posting her looking for compliments. There is, as another poster, suggested a high that comes from doing something secretly, so illicit, and that makes sense. But I suspect there are deeper motives for why this particular fetish appeals to you. Getting at the core of why you do this will help immensely in controlling this behavior. For that, you may want to consider a therapist's help.
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2021
    rebornanewlife and +TenPercent like this.
  4. @RiverBlue had a great response to this.

    I agree that figuring out why you do this will be vital to stopping the behaviour.

    I am guessing that you are not alone in this behaviour. Yes, it could be related to cuckold fantasies (my personal kryptonite) but it could also be about power and control. You are, in effect, humiliating these women and yet they don't even know it. Only you know it (that's control). And, you are duping these other guys when you pretend to be the woman posting the photos (more control). Some part of you gets off and shaming and harming these women, including your partner . . . without calling that good or bad (or illegal) why do you think you might be doing this. You resent them for some reason. You want to "get back" at them for some women. Perhaps you resent all women. A lot of addicts do, on some level.

    Do you really want to be free of this? You don't have to be hard on yourself for what you have done or for what you have urges to do. Be proud of yourself for the work that you have done and for trying to change. Clearly, there is still some hard work ahead. Maybe next time you feel the urge to post photos of your wife online ask yourself - what am I really feeling right now? What triggered me to do this particular act? Am I mad at her about something?

    Hopefully that helps, even if it's just a little.
     
  5. Doublep

    Doublep Fapstronaut

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    Do your best to stay the course. Acknowledge that you are not only hurting yourself but you are hurting your wife and your relationship. Does she know? If she does good she can help you stay accountable. Are you willing to tell her? This will need some soul searching for sure. My wife knows about my issue and had caught me a few times. I have since come clean with her about everything. Perhaps not all the deep dark details but she has an idea. Stay strong one day at a time. Find an accountability partner. Hit me up. If you need to. It's all about changing our lifestyle and managing the urges
     
  6. SJ88

    SJ88 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the replies.

    i dont blame anyone for jumping on me about my behaviour as i know it is disgusting. It kind of helps me to have people telling me how out of order i was as these comments can help me to prevent relapsing in the future. Hearing things like i need therapy makes me realise that this a big problem. I am glad i made this thread.

    i know that i have to find the root cause of this addiction but its easier said than done? How exactly do i do this? I have no idea why i do it or why i enjoy it.

    As for telling my wife...i dread to even think about it. My wife has generally been supporting of other areas of my life but this is on another level. Id imagine she’d be mortified. Also we have a good relationship otherwise and i would hate to spoil that. How could anyone possibly be understanding of this behaviour? She’d probably never look at me the same way again and is it worth spoiling everything even though im trying to work on this?

    my urges from yesterday have gone, i think the replies here helped me. So im currently on day 21. I know that the urges will come back at some stage and will keep on coming back...my aim is to just let them pass without acting like i did yesterday. Going to be really hard but im determined to get through this. I wish i stopped having the thoughts, at the moment all i can do is concentrate on doing other things until i can get to the root cause as mentioned by a few.
     
  7. You need to stop asap my friend
    You need pro help on this topic
     
  8. Doublep

    Doublep Fapstronaut

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    It is hard. But imagine if she found out on her own. If you do truly value your relationship and want it to be as good as it can be o recommend telling her. It will be the hardest thing you ever do in your relationship. I came clean and my wife is still here. She was not at all happy and just barely understood. But we have been working on trust again. It is a long road. But of you want to be the best and have the best relationship I recommend it.
     
  9. BigBob73

    BigBob73 Fapstronaut

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    It's not ok to show those pics without her knowing. If you have a cuckold dynamic and she knew what you were doing and shared it with you then of course it would be ok. Betrayal is for many the number one way to end a relationship.

    I too fantasize about watching my partner with other men and women. I've always been open about it and we get off on it together. Try it that way and you will have no shame. But if it isnt her thing then you need to honour and respect her and stop it right away before she finds out.

    It may well be an extension of porn addiction. When I think of all the crazy shit I did when I was deeply into porn......it has warped us all into doing things we can't explain. Look at all the gay porn and trans fetish stuff. I've been there and done that. A couple of weeks cold Turkey and you come to your senses. Porn is plain and simply put the ruiner of our lives.
     
    Doublep likes this.
  10. I’ve been in the same boat.

    When I was 22-23 I used to share photos of her without her knowing just like you, sometimes pretending to be “her”.
    Never had her face and body combined, thankfully I always cut her face and tattoos out from the explicit pictures.


    I was doing it as a way to escape my issues and emotional problems in real life, until it came crashing down.
    I broke down and decided to tell her.

    Here we are, 3 years later, engaged and free from my childish behavior.


    There is a way out, and who knows? Maybe she has another view of it? Some people do like being shown off, some don’t, but never take it for granted.

    it’s good to be a little hard on yourself to force a change in your behavior, just don’t be TOO hard on yourself, it might be abusive, but it’s not like you’re a rapist or such.

    My advice is to be a man about it and tell her.
    Feel free to PM me any time, talking about it really helps.
     
    Doublep likes this.
  11. Longtimeuser

    Longtimeuser Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I was in the same position as you, uploaded kinky pics without her face on ti a profile on a porn site, made the profile private so only for certain profiles to see etc, I got off on the comments, even the fantasy of my wife being with another man.
    Well I got caught at the start of the year and my world fell apart, family knew, counseling etc, separating, solicitors etc. We have managed to get through it but honestly do porn if you need to buy don't use your partners pics without her permission, honestly if you get caught it's unbelievable. Speaking from experience
     
    SJ88 likes this.
  12. Virginguy23

    Virginguy23 Fapstronaut

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    How did you get caught?
     
  13. Longtimeuser

    Longtimeuser Fapstronaut

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    My wife must have been suspicious and looked in my phone, found emails from the site and it went from there
     

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