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She said she's not interested

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by thuyen, Sep 7, 2017.

  1. Sep 7, 2017 #1
    thuyen

    thuyen Fapstronaut
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    And it sucks, man. I waited for her for two years, learned calligraphy just to write a fancy letter. I even did a little wax seal on the letter, man! How bad does a girl want to be single to reject that kind of an offer?

    I mean I get it, each person has to make a decision for them self, and nobody can make that decision for them no matter what they have to offer. There's something to be said for the freedom that comes from a single life, but MAN that deep personal rejection hurts - probably one of the deepest and sharpest pains I've ever felt in my life.

    Now what? It's been six days. How long does it take after rejection to heal from something like that? A month? Life is clearly more than being obsessed about a person, but man it seems empty now that it's clear she is gone. Another one that got away
     
    thuyen, Sep 7, 2017
    thuyen, Sep 7, 2017
    #1
  2. Sep 7, 2017 #2
    Pmo is in the past

    Pmo is in the past Fapstronaut

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    Women are less likely to ask a guy out because of fear of rejection.Its hurt their ego and will call the man gay to make themselves feel better.She is selfish.She just wants a guy that's a 9 even if she's a 6.Its the 80 20 rule.Then 20 percent are men that are 9 or 10 are mostly getting laid.The 80 percent of women will go after them even if they are a 2.You"ll be over it in another week.
     
    Pmo is in the past, Sep 7, 2017
    Pmo is in the past, Sep 7, 2017
    #2
    Ghost79 and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Sep 7, 2017 #3
    Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    You should appreciate her honesty. Other women might have led you on and give you an impression that shes interested just so she can keep you as an ego booster. Direct honesty is something a lot of people don't have.

    What now? You move on and appreciate the clean break she gave you. You work on your life and make the quality of it great whether or not you're single.
     
    Runtilmylegsdropoff, Sep 7, 2017
    Runtilmylegsdropoff, Sep 7, 2017
    #3
    pranav02, Empty Red Cloud, JohnnyReid and 3 others like this.
  4. Sep 8, 2017 #4
    Chudmeister

    Chudmeister Fapstronaut

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    Stop trying to hard to impress her, and just do your thing. Girls don't want a guy who's going to do romantic stuff untill they are at least dating. Girls love bad asses they want to feel protected. Just be you dude. Do try to hard and just play it one day at a time. Girls are attracted to confidence. It takes a bit to get over rejection but rejection does help you gain more experience
     
    Chudmeister, Sep 8, 2017
    Chudmeister, Sep 8, 2017
    #4
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. Sep 8, 2017 #5
    Wolves of Wisdom

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    I think that it's cool that you learned calligraphy, I am sorry that she rejected that type of offer but perhaps the next girl will genuinely appreciate that. I haven't seen it yet for me but I keep hearing people saying that when you seek success for yourself first and focus on your own girls may gravitate towards that. Be strong throughout this, we've got you here if you want to say anything else.
     
    Wolves of Wisdom, Sep 8, 2017
    Wolves of Wisdom, Sep 8, 2017
    #5
    pranav02, Empty Red Cloud and Chudmeister like this.
  6. Sep 20, 2017 #6
    VitoMisto

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    Rejection sucks. But look at it this way:

    When waiting around 2 years, you built up a version of her in your mind that wasn't the real her. What you're describing is obsession, not love.

    A letter with a wax seal? Great, and then what? What do you two have in common? How do you know you would have enjoyed a relationship with her?

    Unsolicited grand gestures can make things awkward too- it may look to the other person that you want them to owe you something.

    How do I know this? I've been there, and more than once.
     
    VitoMisto, Sep 20, 2017
    VitoMisto, Sep 20, 2017
    #6
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  7. Sep 21, 2017 #7
    Empty Red Cloud

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    True indeed. She could have used your infatuation as leverage to siphon your bank account.
     
    Empty Red Cloud, Sep 21, 2017
    Empty Red Cloud, Sep 21, 2017
    #7
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  8. Sep 21, 2017 #8
    HappyDaysAreHereAgain

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    Rejection hurts, but she did not really reject you. She does not know you well enough to reject who you are. She rejected a wax sealed fancy letter from a stranger who she can easily think has probably been jerking off thinking about her.
    You will get farther with a girl talking with her for 2 years than learning calligraphy just so that you can write her one letter. Talk to the girls some will be impressed with who you are. Your abilities with calligraphy can help, but more than that having that skill, it shows that you can go after something new and master it. You do not give up easily. That is more important than any fancy letter you could write. It is time to get social and talk with the girls.
    Someday you will be able to thank her for her rejection, because it motivated you to move on, to talk to other girls, and to find one that was so much more than she was. From your successes with other girls, you can show her who you are and what she missed out on.
     
    HappyDaysAreHereAgain, Sep 21, 2017
    HappyDaysAreHereAgain, Sep 21, 2017
    #8
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  9. Sep 21, 2017 #9
    Eddie_Moscone_BB

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    It takes as long as you'll need. There's no real set timeframe. Obviously the longer and deeper that you had feelings for someone the longer it takes to "get over" it.

    It's a cliche but it doesn't make it any less true: just do you. That's it. Not saying ignore your other relationships but just focus on you and your life. You'd be surprised what you'll learn and accomplish.
     
    Eddie_Moscone_BB, Sep 21, 2017
    Eddie_Moscone_BB, Sep 21, 2017
    #9
  10. Sep 23, 2017 #10
    Temujin

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    It will heal. I`ve had many rejections in my time, but I am now happier than I have ever been.

    Just keep on living. It might take some time, but you will heal
     
    Temujin, Sep 23, 2017
    Temujin, Sep 23, 2017
    #10
  11. Sep 25, 2017 #11
    thuyen

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    I wanted to revisit this and say thank you to all the responses. It's true it just takes time to heal from rejection. It's the soul that has been injured, and needs to heal.

    For anyone else in a similar situation, here's the mindsets that helped me in this time:
    1) James 1:2-4 - basically when something goes wrong, I can take it as a test of my faith in God. The worse off it seems, the more I have to believe in Him and so my faith is turned from just something I say to something that has been tested and proven in me. This is something that is extremely precious and will be with me for the rest of my life, even after life. Really really good mindset. Romans 8:28 is a promise, and that's what I believe in now.
    2) The story of Job - God took away all he had as a way of testing his faith. Afterward, Job was proven faithful and was given back all he had before and MORE.
    3) It's okay to feel pain. It's okay to accept it and not have the knee-jerk reaction of finding some way to numb the pain. It does heal with time, and although it is uncomfortable in the moment, it's actually ok.
    4) It was really helpful to build up my confidence. I moved to a new place and spend time and money making it really awesome. I've upgraded my lifestyle, and I'm choosing to embrace that instead of being dependent on someone else for my identity. I'm going to get a haircut, build out my wardrobe, and begin exercising again and I think that will help even more.
    5) I think it has been important to be with other people, and talk it through. I am blessed with an amazing support group, and I took full advantage of that. I talked through it so many times that I actually got some good closure, and eventually didn't want to talk about it any longer.
    6) It was helpful to not have demands on myself during this time. Usually I push myself to the max at everything, but in the last few weeks I've really taken it easy because I've found it really hard to concentrate or find the energy to do what I did before. And that's ok.

    It's been a month and it's still not completely gone. Whenever I see her (she goes to the same church) it's really hard, but I sense that I'm healing. I think the answer to "how long does it take?" is that it wears off like a logarithmic function over time. 3 days is insane, 30 days is still hard, 60 days I think will be easier, and so on.
     
    thuyen, Sep 25, 2017
    thuyen, Sep 25, 2017
    #11
  12. Sep 25, 2017 #12
    tweeby

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    Oh man only 2 years of waiting... And a calligraphy styled letter with a wax seal!? Dude she must be blind.
     
    tweeby, Sep 25, 2017
    tweeby, Sep 25, 2017
    #12

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