She wants honesty. But telling her I relapsed has destroyed relationship

Oh.
I just read this.
Ouch.

Good point too about the connection hmm

Still it's not right to cheat on you or him.

 

My SO wants me to be honest but it scares me to hurt her. We have talked about it and i told her i slipped up and she was very angry. The next day she was glad i told her tho. I feel like as time passes we will both get stronger. Just gotta both be open and honest to make things work.

Good luck on your journey. Hope you find a lady that values honesty!

 

I agree that openness and honesty is the key and for the first few slip ups SOs will usually try to be understanding but will not be happy about it. However you have to realize that you can only expect understanding for so many slip ups before she will leave. So my advice is yes be honest but know being honest alone is not going to save the relationship if you keep slipping up. She's hanging around hoping that you have seen the light and are committed to fixing yourself but if the same thing keeps happening she's unlikely to stick around and it's not realistic for you to expect she will.

 

Try looking at it this way assuming you relapsed with P you ingaged in sexual conduct with other people even if they are on a screen it's still not her and that is cheating some might nor see it as that but I know plenty do. Even if she doesn't it is still traumatizing to her. Saying that you did the right thing by being honest what you dig wrong was relapse. I did that dozens of times and lied my ass off so don't get discouraged. Your doing great a's long as you can be honest and work at it you will make it. Just show her you know you fucked up. This is how and why, this is what I'm going to do different. Then show her and keep being honest if you do that and if you keep making forward progress and she can't take it maybe you need space or to move on. But don't just lethe it be one big fight and say it's over I have had too many of those. She is traumatized and you are an addicto in withdrawals wait for cooler heads to make major decisions. If you both love each other you will make it as long as you are honest and keep working at bettering yourself. There will be alot of fights doubt and pain but that is what addiction creates. Stay strong you just didon't 30 that's great but don't give up.

 

Yeah i can see what you are saying. I am really trying and have been doing better. I think the pressure of knowing she would be so pissed in the past made me think i could get away with it and lie and that was even worse.

Of course she is going to be pissed and i have to be honest and held accountable. It is a relief knowing that i can talk to her openly about it and it has made me try harder and i feel like i can do it much easier now.

To all others struggling with an SO: be honest, the lying makes it ten times worse and feeling like you are hiding only perpetuates the temptations. The more you resist the more you can resist.

 

I am sorry to hear about the breakup and sorry she cheated on you. I am so glad that you were honest though! That takes a lot of courage! Always be honest and you will find the right person to be with you. I know that if my fiance slipped up I would be on the floor crying, but then I would get up and tell him how proud I am for his honesty and figure out what happened, and try to figure the best plan for the next time a trigger would come up or so on. My fiance lied to me and that is where all the pain comes from, and her reaction is valid because she was hurting but she handled it in the wrong way. I personally view porn as cheating because I define cheating in a relationship as, "Anything that crosses a partner's boundaries is cheating and if you have to hide it from your partner you're probably betraying them/cheating them." Cheating is not always physical but mental and emotional and could even be financially (i.e. secretly stealing money or something). I know everyone has their own opinion on this and that is fine. But I wish you the best in your recovery. I am very impressed with your honesty though, very glad to see someone who is honest in their addiction. It's true that some women may not care about PMO but I think that even if the woman doesn't care if the individual wants to stop because it is making their life negative then they should stop. Yes PMO hurts some women, and that just makes the addiction more complicated and difficult. I can tell you that I found signs of small usage throughout the relationship and once I found everything I saw how often he used, how long he didn't use, and I was heartbroken, but looking back, for my fiance who used 3 times a day for 12 years, and for him to last a couple months without, that is a lot of progress. So keep moving forward and taking care of yourself!