Shemale escalation

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Mh78, Feb 22, 2017.

  1. Mh78

    Mh78 Fapstronaut

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    So ive been watching porn pretty frequently for about 12 years now and there has been an escalation. My favorite was lesbian and still is but i recently started watching lesbians and shemales and shemales solo. Shemales used to and to some extent still disgust me but whenever i get high on coke ill watch them. I even recently to my disgust and shame recived oral sex from one when i was really high and went on craigslist. I feel disgusted and completely ashamed of myself and belive it to be wrong and completely out of my character. I have nothing against homosexuals but i dont identify that way and am only actually attracted to women that shemale thing is a coke induced fetish that i have porn to thank for. Whenever i wake up the next morning i find myself disgusted and depressed its like i become another person on drugs. I now want to quit porn and coke all together but i have deep regret and self loathing for ever allowing myself to participate in that shit.hookers and porn in general are shameful and this is just an even worse level. Im looking how to get over this horrible point of my life and become a better person from it without looking at myself in such a negative light anymore.
     
  2. Mh78

    Mh78 Fapstronaut

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    So ive been watching porn pretty frequently for about 12 years now and there has been an escalation. My favorite was lesbian and still is but i recently started watching lesbians and shemales and shemales solo. Shemales used to and to some extent still disgust me but whenever i get high on coke ill watch them. I even recently to my disgust and shame recived oral sex from one when i was really high and went on craigslist. I feel disgusted and completely ashamed of myself and belive it to be wrong and completely out of my character. I have nothing against homosexuals but i dont identify that way and am only actually attracted to women that shemale thing is a coke induced fetish that i have porn to thank for. I also belive my encounters with female prostitutes and my lesbian porn addiction to be equally as loathsome. Whenever i wake up the next morning i find myself disgusted and depressed its like i become another person on drugs. I now want to quit porn and coke all together but i have deep regret and self loathing for ever allowing myself to participate in that shit.hookers and porn in general are shameful and this is just an even worse level. Im looking how to get over this horrible point of my life and become a better person from it without looking at myself in such a negative light anymore.
     
  3. iRebootMyself

    iRebootMyself Fapstronaut

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    whatever, people who look at shemale porn ain't gays, like any other addiction, the brain will always look for a new kick, something shocking to receive the same rush and feelings, stopping porn ofc will help, i recomend u to do the 90-hardmode challange.
     
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  4. Mh78

    Mh78 Fapstronaut

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    I know im not gay but i feel like that kinda stuff is still in a relm where im a little psychologically damaged from experiencing it. Im done with porn and all that shit. I really need to know how to get over the mental trauma though. I know it sounds stupid or insecure but id feel the same way if i had sex with a dog or a dude or anything unnatural for me. Like i said the shemale thing was like a coke induced fetish so when i wake up i have the memories but complete and utter unattraction to any shemale shit. But i still find myself judging myself and at a loss of self respect for myself. Not that there is anything wrong with what people are attracted to but i feel like a complete perv having it as some rockbottom drug fetish like how does one even get there? The respect ive loss for myself is completely personal based off of the porn and drugs and in no way judgemental or directed at anyone else and their lifestyle choices.
     
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  5. iRebootMyself

    iRebootMyself Fapstronaut

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    no problem, throw your guilt and self-desrespect and hate behind ur back, because they dont help. just wait it out and you'll be fine :)
     
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  6. Mh78

    Mh78 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man. I obviously have alot of work to do on myself but it helps getting my shit out on here cause i aint in no hurry to confess my sins to the world.
     
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  7. Ericinomaha

    Ericinomaha Fapstronaut

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    When I get horned up I look for some pretty weird stuff online. After I cum I think that I won't go down that road again. I always do though. That's why I had to admit that I'm out of control and need accountability. This forum provides that for me.

    Where did you even find a shemale? Wait-don't answer that.
     
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  8. Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut

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    Are self-loathing and depression triggers for porn and or coke for you? If so it is a vicious circle! It's how I got into fetish porn. I did it out of self-loathing and it led to more of that feeling and the cycle goes from there. Eventually, I got so twisted I looked for things that I knew would lead to self-loathing and make me feel awful. Feeling awful, self-loathing and self-destruction became sexualized and turned into turn-ons. I started thinking pain was pleasure, but would wonder why the hell do I feel so awful if I'm having so much fun?

    Things like what I did with fetish porn, what you did with a Tranny scar us. They are not innocent or harmless. You know now that it is not harmless fun and these things can destroy you.

    My advice is to stay away from she-male porn completely and I would stay away from all porn as well as you don't want to be tempted to look at she-male filth again. live clean and time will help you get over it. To expedite getting over it I don't know other than a pure mind and to do something with your time so you're not bored. I would try not to be obsessed with sex either. Much like porn sex addiction leads to ever greater novelty as well. It makes us lose interest in other things and robs us of the true joy of living. With yourself no longer obsessed with sex and getting off try to find things you enjoy doing so you are not bored. These is so much out there to do when your no longer a slave to lust.
     
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  9. Mh78

    Mh78 Fapstronaut

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    Lol the saying if you go looking for the devil he'll find you is very true. I will be honest i have no excuse no justification and no self pity in the matter as far as what i did to myself. It will definitely scar me for life. I just hope this post can be a lesson that drug use and porn addiction are both dangerous and completely destructive. I havent looked at porn or masturbated for about a week or done drugs for that matter. I feel great and have no urge to do so in the future. As much as ii wish i could change the past that is not a possibility i just pray i can put this nightmare behind me and take charge of my life for good. Thanks for reply
     
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  10. Mh78

    Mh78 Fapstronaut

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    I feel like depression and self loathing are just an aftermath of letting myself do things and become a person i myself would be repulsed by. Never once would i ever have thought myself to be in a situaton like that but thats how the "devil" works. I have let myself down immensely but have no plans of going back to any of those things. I feel great in just the week i have made concious choices to change and pray i can keep going. I already feel complete disgust and zero lust now its almost like my situation put me in a shock therapy where i am back to my old self. This has been a very powerful lesson to me that people can lose control and become their worst nightmare without god and structure. Appreciate the comments though and i hope if anyone else has these issues that they will learn from my mistakes.
     
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  11. Jamie_K

    Jamie_K Guest

    Hi, I hope you do not mind my weighing in on your commentary --- but I want to try to help if I can.

    Speaking from a great deal of personal experience, guys who get into "shemale" or transsexual porn, and even go out and seek real-life experiences with them, are definitely and absolutely NOT GAY. (Not that there is anything wrong with being gay --- seriously --- but gay men almost always do NOT get attracted to transwomen --- they like the male physique).
    My own experience is that men attracted to transwomen are quite heterosexual -- in fact, quite uber-heterosexual, the very over-the-top man's men --- and that, rather than be attracted to our tiny male parts, these men are really MUCH more attracted to the hyper-femininity and girlyness and vulnerability that we often display.

    Every guy I ever dated, and them knowing what I truly was --- a transwoman --- had ZERO interest in my thingie, but were very taken by the femininity and allure and sensuality of the effort I put forth in being a girl and a woman and an unabashed sensual woman at that.

    I just read all these posts as you anguish over your sexuality --- so I wanted to state this matter-of-factly ----- YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT GAY.
    Transgender porn can really mess up otherwise well-meaning str8 men that do not know how to sort out their sexuality after viewing it all ---- it is a very curious rabbit-hole that seems so easy for many guys to get pulled down into. I understand it grosses out so many guys --- it is a "whoa, wtf?!" experience to many.

    I have never ever dated a guy who was gay, all my lovers were very str8 and hetero men. Truly.
    Good luck with your journey, but do not obsess further with such questions. Be at peace with you.
     
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  12. DogDaysOfLife

    DogDaysOfLife Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, it's been a month, but cocaine is poison, and OP's dealer probably cuts it with worse poison for profit. It's a total joke to pretend like a fetish for trans women is the real problem here. It's the cocaine and the association of stimulant use with porn or sex, which is always a dangerous combination.
     
  13. riddick max

    riddick max Fapstronaut

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    same story bro,
    i also wanna get rid of this shit and i strat 2 month ago i sugesst u to be sober first that way u can get a chance unless i dont think there is a one let me tell u my story i start waching tranny porn in 2010 at the same time i did drugs ganja/pills/coke like a lot and i watched shemale porn around 5 hours a day minimum 4 days per a week and it really fuc*%$ me up and i even start to watch gay porn when im high but 2016 i realize it effected on my brain big time and i even pissed off with my self so i become sober 2 months ago and here i am and i feel like i can make it and im gonna no matter how so good luck when i looking for advise i found this site and looks like there is alot of like us so keep fighting bro i hope u can get rid of this good luck and dont forget to sober first cuz drugs not good like this kind of situation
     
  14. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    So you're at the start of a long road. You have to ask yourself this: how bad do i want to get better? How hard are you willing to work to get better?
    Someone here once told me about this pill to take that gets us better. after you take it you'll definietly feel better both spiritually and physically. How much would you pay for this pill? How much would you give up? Well, the good news is it's free. The bad news is you have to WORK for it. It's called nofap.
    Since you're starting off new to this i'll give you a recommendation i wish i had 20 years ago: find an SA program and join. It's sexahaulics anonymous. Look at it like a learning experience. You obviously are an addict. Why else would you be snorting coke to facilitate ever worsening porn obsession? Now you need help.
    This is a good place to start, but couple this with an SA group or something similar. Try looking for one in your area.
     
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  15. ICDI

    ICDI Fapstronaut

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    your absolutley fucking far from incorrect mate ! i can relate
     
    Ericinomaha likes this.
  16. Hey man I go through the same thing man. Still trying to fight off the urge to watch some tranny porn. It's very hard. Unlike regular porn once a very attractive transwoman porn star pops up into my head.y whole body fills with the urge to go watch all my favorite tranny porn stars. And I know I don't need to say "my" that's holding on to it. But dammit it's hard. I even made a fake Snapchat account so I can follow famous tranny pornstars. I sent Jane Marie a Snapchat of my penis and a very detailed dirty sex message and she screenshots it. Needless to say I deleted my Snapchat due to being afraid of being exposed. But it was only my penis no tattoos shown or anything so I know I'm being paranoid as well. And if I'm paranoid then I know I have no business doing what I was doing. Not because gay or trans people are bad or sick. But because I know that's not what I want and not how I operate. I want a wife and a child. A family. This fight us very hard. I just wish I would of never came across porn as a child. Which is why the day I have a child I will try my hardest to monitor his internet usage. Porn can ruin your entire life completely. Just as bad as drugs and alcohol. I hope everyone on this thread gets clean and can live a healthy life
     
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  17. Ericinomaha

    Ericinomaha Fapstronaut

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    Having my kids see what I'm looking at is the best motivator I have to keep from looking at any porn. Don't want to get caught looking at it and especially don't want to get caught jerking off to it.

    When I'm alone though, I'm as weak as I ever was. The type of porn doesn't seem to matter to my brain. Str8, bi, gay, trans, it all gets my motor running. I think the tranny stuff is just a fetish for me but still, it's something I wind up going to if I don't resist the porn urge.
     
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  18. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    interracial is my favourite :p
    dont worry every person has different tastes
     
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