Shemale porn addiction, please, just somebody help me.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ANewMe97, Nov 14, 2020.

  1. ANewMe97

    ANewMe97 Fapstronaut

    Hello guys! 23 y-o guy here. Hope that somebody can help me a little bit because i'm really stucked now. I realized that I need help and here is the right place.
    At young age, like 10 y.o., i woke up at 2 am night like and i saw my dad fap on asian shemale porn. This is really weird, strange for me.
    When i was little, like 6 to 10 i was amazed and excited about women and girls, i was a pork guys! I used to looked in the cabinet in the shops of shoes or bra, with girls and women when they change their clothes. I saw so many nipples lol.
    I fell in love multiple times when i was in asyium with little girls, my mates.
    I was, and I am completely straight, but the experience of my dad leaved in my head this "virus" of shemale. I started, obviously like all the teenager watch porn, A TON OF IT. Initially I started with straight porn: milf, teen, lesbian, squirt ecc ecc. then shifted into futanari and then in the shemale tranny porn. The first time I felt like a scumbag. I was disgusting. Oh my god what the fuck I am doing? After 100 faps on this crap, it will be "normal". But the story is not ended here. Maybe it was!
    The destiny gave me an irony future at that time. A old friend of mine conducted me to a prostitute when I was 14 (many problems in my family so I was completely free to do what the fuck I want). He told me that he knowned a prostitute that gives free blowjob. WOW. Free bj + perv teenager + porn addicted= ice cream.
    We went and, yes, she gaves one for my friend, after one of me. Nice free shopping!
    This prostitue WAS nice at the time. Big breast and big lips. A nice milf, or at least I thought it was. The days passed and I went alone another times in his car after this experience (in the prostitute-street, and yes, at 14 yo, bad people in that neighborhood) and she gaves me really fucking sexy blowjobs. One of the best of my life i admit that. I goes one two three times and then I stopped. At the time I went out with a nice girl that i'm really appreciated. I was vergin at the time. Zero fucked. We chat on fb, after 1 day we meeted and she was like an "expert" front on my eyes, because she isn't vergin. So, without known what a vagina was, she offered to come to my house. I had free house. => We went on the bed of my parents, she took off the clothes, I was gone hard, put the condom, put the dick in her vagina and then... FLOP. I was wet af and warm-hearted for the fear/anxiety/unknown mission. FLOOOOP.
    He felt at sleep. What a shame! I really liked she and i didn't get hard. NooooOooOOoooOoOO! Larry, my old friend! How can be possible i was thinking. I ran in my bath, put a shemale porn in my phone but nothing. My Larry-dick was sleeping.
    Write all of this hurts me even now... I just wanted to have sex with this gorgeous creature and no... fuck life. After 2 weeks i found that she cheated on me. She want to come back with me and told me sorry multiple times. I said no. Never, if you cheated on me you evaporate like steam. What she did? This ***** said to many friends and people that they even know me what's happened... my flop, and this give me a really bad anxiety after that for many weeks. Time passed away and I "forgot".
    At the time guys, I don't know why, but I was a big "give a literally shit guy", with practically everything. Just videogames, nights with friends and drink/smoke.
    One night, I was horny and my brillant idea was... get back to the prostitute for give some fun and....i noticed that... she...was.... a shemale. It was like a milf... but with dick. Guys, i was with many of my friends front of her car for spoke and... they liked her. They told me: What a sexy milf, i would fuck her and things like this, even if you are 100x straight, a little hit was necessary.
    I was young, too much, 14 years old guys and, just for curiosity, i went. Let's do it. It's just jerk off I thinked. It's only an experience, I thought. I was active.
    The first time, when i came home, under the shower i felt horrible, it really hurted me inside, like a cut in stomach. It was a real pain. I'm felt soooo dirt and so wrong in myself. How the fuck i like girls and i make a blowjob to a shemale, and it was good? So confusing... but still attracted to girls... so what am I? I'm never looked for a man.
    I had never dreamed or thinked about gay stuff or this. So times passed away and I tried to remove this experience... because for me was really mind-devastating.
    I thought for too long times... even now I think about this episode... it was so painful.
    I am a handsome guy and I have no problem to attract girls... even my character is enjoyable. I had many friends but after this experience all changed. I was a social guy. After this experience, at the time of 15 to 20, I started to fell so wrong for what I did. I really suffered. I hate myself. All my friends are normal, they have normal relationship or just normal sex and I'm struggle with that episode and everytime i approach a girl i was really discouraged for the first flop.
    Anyway, with this luggage, I try to hangout with new girls, and I did it. I had sexual experienced with girls, but not much a completely sex, mostly was preliminary like touching vagina, lick it, or she masturbated me or blowjob, every time i want to fucked with the girl or she doesnt wanna or she wanna to attend. Then i found a new girl that i loved... she has a perfect booty guys. When i think back about it, it was... perfect. I can't believe that.... flop. Anxiety flop. Obviously my dick sleep. Oh my gosh Larry cmon! Wake up! No way. In this occasion we was 4 in house, me, the girl and another couple. Even now i think that the fact because I was anxious was another couple in the nearly room gives me anxiety that they can come up in our room... and so another flop. NOOOOOOO! Larry no! This time no! How the fuck you didn't like this peach? OHHH my GOSH!
    After this another flop I was a carpet, like in Aladdin fable. I tried to had another chance to have sex with her, maybe just alone me and she, but i prefer to leave her (she was a crazy girl) and hang out with friends party and stuff like that (i was 15/16 about) Like 1.5/2 years after the first painful shemale experience, for fun, and to prove myself that i am confident with myself like, or something like this, I decided that I wanna went another time with the milf-shemale, so we had car sex in her car, she was on me, i appreciated, but i want to stopped went with shemale. All free stuff. It was not so painful like the first time. But i want to stop this. It was weird. 16.5 yo guys! Why the fuck i didn't play pokemon cards like somebody else, or just smoke weed? FUUUUUU! Then, I had sex with another girls and it was all okay, but every time with the anxiety of failing and make a flop. Every time with the conscience that i'm different. I was gone with a shemale. I'm get excited with shemale. So I am wrong. So I can't go with girls, because I did a bj to she. In my head shemale near girls cant stay. Every time i enjoy this evil feeling. It's so ugly, because you feel so helpless and trapped. Worst feeling ever.
    Why i can't just enjoy sex with shemale, and with girl? No! In my mind it's like one, or the another one. Both can't stay.
    Btw my fap addiction continued.
    I felt in love with a beautiful girl when I was 18, we had 2.5 perfect years together. Sex with her was completely without anxiety or something like that, the first time I flopped, but i like her so much that I don't gave a shit. The only thing that I wanted at that time is gave love to her. I stopped fap, but it was a cycle, i tried to stopped fap with shemale and straight, but i felt down every time. It's like... in life you have something like a peak, where all the things seems go perfectly and then.... all crush.
    Like the electric current. I wanna really stop fapping. After 4 years, we broke up for many problems. We had different visions.
    Even when I was in this relationship i fap myself with this shit... so i really here just for have another human thought about all this...
    I love girls and i love even shemale, i can't lie to myself... but in real life I never seen a shemale that i liked. Recently i saw the shemale-prostitute milf aged. Omg guys. It was so ugly. How the fuck i can touch she? I was going to vomit. I still have fear that maybe she say hello to me or she sad something like where are you going? Because i'm still living in the same city of those times. Covid block my trip because i want to live in an english country. My situation now is like that when i see the past i reshaped in a way that it looks worse than it was... it's hard to explain but im sure that someone'll understand. It's like it's darker. Sorry for the length of this thread, but at this point I am desperate.
    I want really to change and remove this addiction about shemale and porn in general.
    Wanna just live my life with a girl, love her and have a family, but it seems that alone I can't beat this excited about shemale. I always fall in the same circle.
    All this shit lead me to isolate myself and start to avoid some places, like city at nights, because i have the fear to fail and give Larry another defeat. FuuuuuU!
    I don't really know what i need to do. I even tried with a little blue supplement in my pocket, it gives a little bit power but is like cheat! Not my way! I want to be myself, without an external fictitious help. I know that I can have the right balance for fight against this problem, the problem of anxiety and failure.
    Anyone can give me advices or help me in general?
    Maybe sharing his experience!
    Thank you very much, and sorry for my english!
    I'm still learning every day :D
     
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  2. Marigny

    Marigny Fapstronaut

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    Hello, I saw that nobody answered ... too bad because your story is very interesting.

    Your right, you are on the right place for finding help, so I'll try to give my experience.

    I'm a 23 year-old guy too, with a femdom fetish. I always fapped on femdom porn and always believed that femdom was an horizon in itself. I mean that it was the most deeply thing I desire in my life, living thise type of experience. But I discover nofap, and story of people like you convince me that this type of deviance is not good for our life. I take a lot of time before understand this. Now, I battle this fetish with all the strenght that God can give me, and the situation is better and better, I don't have many urges/desire for femdom.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, you seem having a fetish for shemale, but never trully embrace it.
    If it is the case, let me say to you that you have a serious avantage : you feel like a crap when you give in it
    I never felt this when I gave into my fetish. I consider that it give you a serious advantage in comparison of me.
    You are conscious that it's not good for you, I always believed that it was every thing I ever wanted.
    Know I'm on day 60 (maybe, I don't count anymore, the counter will show it), since the begining of february, I fail 3 time. As I said, I feel like if I continue like this, femdom fetish will be an old dream, and desapear.
    So here is my advice : make the nofap challenge. Abstain from PMO (or just PM, it's up to you but I recommand abstaining from PMO for a time) and searching for your brain to reboot. Read, work, excercice, eat healthy, think about all your way of life, and try to make it better. There are many people with the same fetish as you on the forum, and there are many advice to change. It can be hard, but it's possible to heal.

    Now I have few questions, I don't really understand if you went to shemale porn and at which frequences ? I mean : what is (was) the weight of shemale in your PMO activity ?

    If you have any question about stopping PMO, or about fetish healing, ask me, I'll try to answer even if I'm not an expert
     
  3. ANewMe97

    ANewMe97 Fapstronaut

    It's a huge weight. I noticed in my past that when i stopped to fap on shemale, the appeal for vagina go up, but even if i know that shemale porn'll make me uncertain, i felt into every time. I will really to stop.
    I will setting myself in the "factory sexual settings".
    Yes for sure mate, you can help me. Did you see benefits in 60 NO PM challenge? How are you?
     
  4. Marigny

    Marigny Fapstronaut

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    It's does'nt really surprise me. When a sexual perversion has some power on somebody, it can be very addictive.
    I believe that the mental violence of a perversion that make it powerfull on our mind. It's because shemale is shocking for a part of you that the other part is attracted by it. For me it is the case with femdom. It's because femdom create a violence, a shame on me that I find it so enjoyable.
    It is paradoxale because it shall be the inverse : the violence should make us aware that it's not what we need

    First, before this 60 days streack, I had a 110 days streak, a 84 days streak and a 28 days streak. I think it's important to mention it because even if I failed 3 times since february, all this cumulative abstinence really gave a neck in the face of my fetishs.
    I haven't really notice common changes (I mean those who say that they are smarter, that their voice became deeper, etc) because I don't care about it. I already have a girlfriend, I already have good friends, I don't care about semen retention and "sides effects".
    The only thing I care for is curing these fetishs.

    I will not lie to you, these fetishs have not disappeared. BUT I get many advantages.
    First of all, when I began in february the first big streak, I wasn't really convinced in my heart that I wanted to give up these fetish forever. Guy believe me, I was believe so deeply that it was a part of me... I just wanted to give nofap a try, but a big part of me was waiting to come back to femdom. It was really hard to project that in my life I won't come back to femdom ever. But a day (it was day 45 I think), this believing desapear. I was concious that it was a lie and that I can refuse to come back to femdom for my all life as if I would refuse to drink japanese-soda my all life. I mean that I could make it just by wanting it, I was not chained to these fetishs anymore.
    But I failed some times as you see. Tempatation came back, but I was able to begin the fight from the begining. And now today, the idea of never see femdom porn again make me happy, while at the beginning I was so nostalgic.

    Secondly, the power of these fetishs really decrease.
    I remember at the beginning of my first streack, I was to sensible to every femdom stimulation. Somebody day in front of me to one of a girl of my class "you look as a dominatrix". It really trigger me and I get in trouble with urges 2 days after this.
    But now if it happens, I could just turn the head and think about something else.

    In one words : I'm not free from these fetishs, but I'm free of their power on me.
    And I really REALLY encourage you to make everything to ABANDON shemale FOREVER. Even if there will be bad days when you'll crave for it, if you for a good nofap challenge, you'll be able to say goodbye to it
     
    ANewMe97 likes this.
  5. ANewMe97

    ANewMe97 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing me this bro. I really appreciate. It's fucking hard...
    This scare me a little bit, I'll be honest. I want just delete this shit on my head. I need to find the light.

    Few friends of mine knows even mine episode with shemale... so even a few shitty bad humans know this. And know that she was a shemale. Maybe someone of my "friends" talked. I'm a funny person so I made irony on that, but inside bro, was the hell. I hate this experience. I don't know how many people knows this, it seems not much, only my close friends but this give me fear. I never want pursuit this way in my life. It was all a mistake! Why I did it? Even someday I feel so guilty for what I had done at 14 that I can't believe! The funny part, is that in my life I went another times with another shemales, and I never felt guilty, but only disgusted after. So I decided to never go another times, because in the porn is 10x better the experience. In real life isn't what i really liked, I mean, it was cool but not like sex with girls. I noticed that only the first time hurts me. Because I was naive like a child, like it was not my destiny that. I'm feeling like as if I could do great things but all this shit block me.

    Add the first flop with the girl, even another people know this failure about me. Yeeeee more anxiety for me. This make me feel so bad bro u don't understand. It was when i was 14! And even today i carry this shit. Can't be possible. I'm wasting my life about my past. I seen hypnotists, psychologists ecc and I feel that I am at still at the starting point.
    Sometimes i think that is better stop living. I don't want to suicide, but it's make me so bad... because i want only love girls and have sex with them. In this moment i see sex like a challenge, not like a share. It's not a social issue or social proof like, I want really knowing beautiful girls and share the life with them. I am an handsome man and I know that I can have many girls, but it's like I'm broke inside for all this crap, the addiction, and the past experience. I build my own prison, my own sand castle.

    Even now, I want to write to a girl near my house on Facebook, I know she likes me but I think ahead when we'll have sex, when I'll fail... i mean... how did i get here? At this low point?

    Bro I believe you! Sure that I do! I want to give a huge try in the nofap challenge.
    I know even this! Because I tried to stop fap myself on this crap for minimum 1 months and I see the difference! I wasn't on NoFap so i didnt know even what is. Now i have the focus and the target on my problem! I can do something!
     
  6. Marigny

    Marigny Fapstronaut

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    Ahah for me too I dreamed a lot of waking up a morning and discover that all this disapear.
    I'm christian and pray a lot for a miracle. But contrary to a post from a person who healed from his fetishs sudently, I had to struggle.
    But in reality, I'm happy that I had to struggle a lot against these fetishs, because it helped me to become the man I've become. It was the biggest challenge in my all life, but I'm very proud that I did it. I know that if I did it, I can do every thing.
    It's our suffering that construct the person we are. The more we struggle in life, the more we know the value of things

    I can imagine this sentiment of shame .. Many people here struggle with shame .. We are here because of that shame.
    Best you can do is changing your life. Change your life and never give in these perversions again. And forgive to yourself, that was bad mistake, but now you have the power to claim your life back

    I wish you the best
     
    ANewMe97 likes this.
  7. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I am writing here as you wished. I have read your story and must say, few people should end up in a prison but you are definitely not one of them. You are just a victim of a modern world. We aren't all the same. There are those who always want more and those who don't. My brother does not watch porn, he only reads playboy magazines. He is a legend. Who does this today hahaha. On the other hand I am totally opposite of him.

    Anyway, you are not the one who should feel ashamed. Definitely. Bring your head up and be proud of yourself. You are the hero. You came here and you spoke publicly about your "problem". The real problem is when you don't realise you have a problem.

    Having experiences with shemales... Do you know what it means? Probably you don't. But I will explain it to you in one sentence. It means NOTHING. It is an experience. I also have one experience. Not with shemale but.... I was hitting my head into wall because how awful this was for my brain. How stupid I was. But it was when I was 12. Me and my cousin experience. Nevermind, today I am totally and I mean totally ok with it. Actually I think about it only when I type on this page. The point of your problem is not to give it much importance. You have tried it. It fulfils your dopamine, but after that you feel like shit. So it is easy to understand that it is not what you like but what your dopamine levels want. So definitely you MUST put them on normal levels. It is easy, just stay away from anything artificial. Phone, pc, tv.... Also, stop smoking weed. Instead start meditation. Clean your head.

    6 years ago I thought that I will always be seeking for shemales. I was really deep into it. But today it is so funny. I have zero interest in shemales and I am not telling you this to calm you down. Really I don't. This addiction disappeared. To be as precise as possible, I really lost all the love to all this fetishes I have developed over years. Except one, and that is something I really love and enjoy and I would be sad person without it. Unfortunately there is always one BUT. And that is, it really takes time. Unfortunately it doesn't go overnight.
    2 and a half years ago I quit smoking cigarettes. It was easy, from the first day I completely changed everything I do. Stopped drinking coffe and alcohol. Stopped going into caffe shops. Started going to the gym, started eating healthy...... The biggest problem was during weekends when we go out drinking. It was hard. Why am I telling you this. You must find the root of your problem. Find out why are you doing this. What drives you to watch it. For me personally it was only dopamine. Nothing else.
    Few years ago, I read that men likes to see dick more than pussy. It was weird but then I started thinking about it. It really makes sense. It is not that I don't like to see girls pussy, but I don't see anything special about it. But dicks. We are men. It is proven that dick size is much more important to us than to women. And it is true. We like to compete. We like to see who has bigger dick. If I told you that a man behind you has 10 inch dick, I am sure that you are going to stare at it. I don't know why, but we admire the dicks. There isn't anything gay about it. Man likes to see a nice dick. If no one on this community, then I do. You get the point. So what they did, they made super hot chick with nice body, hair, legs etc. and put a dick on her. They realized its the way to make people addicted. I don't say that every man who likes shemales is addict. Some people are in real love with shemales and that is totally ok. Think about it. Your brain needs novelty. That is the best nivelty they can make.
    The new stupidity is sissy hypno porn. I would put them together and throw them into big hole. Those who made this type of porn. Wtf is with their brains.....

    This post is too long and I am sorry about it, but don't think that it is something wrong with you because you like shemales. It just proves that you are straight. Gay men don't want to have anything with shemales.

    So to make it short. What I suggest is something what everyone with some little brain will suggest. Stay away from porn and hookers. But crucial, find a girl. I don't care how hard it seems, but you have to have a girlfriend. And now something that many people aren't aware. IT REALLY ISN'T IMPORTANT IF YOU CAN'T GET IT HARD. Me personally, I can get erect in any moment. Whenever I want. But when I am with a girl. Anxiety. But that is ok my friend. That is how I am made. I can change it only by using drugs (don't do it). But then I start laughing, how stupid I am. We want sex so much that we forget to enjoy it. Funny fact. After little cudling, not giving attention to my dick, he become hard as rock. It happens when I start enjoying the girl next to me. Her body, smell. If you can't get it hard, I know how terrible it feels when your dick is limp and you are laying next to hot chick. But just relax. Enjoy with her. You can satisfy her in a million other ways. Massage her body. Use your imagination.

    And remember, this is totally fixable. 1000% fixable, but you really have to be persistent. Give everything you have into becoming a person you want to become.
     
  8. Supination

    Supination Fapstronaut

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    I f***ing love your posts man lol
    You definitely need to post more often :p
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2020
    dr_persistent and ANewMe97 like this.
  9. ANewMe97

    ANewMe97 Fapstronaut

    I love this forum guys. I tell the truth. I feel so understood. What a beautiful place. Thank you.

    I WILL DEFINITLY CHANGE THE SITUATION WHERE I AM!

    Thank bro!
    And wish you too!
     
    Vitoriosa and Supination like this.
  10. ANewMe97

    ANewMe97 Fapstronaut

    I ask you to reply cause I know, I know that you can help me. How the fuck I know that? Reading your post give me a wide perception of my problem man. So I ask you this. While I was reading your post, I felt you like a friend of me.
    Thank you infinitly.
    You know, it passed years before I finally did it. Many years ago I thought that I can write online my story but my limbic brain said something like: "No nobody can understand you, you are fckg alone and you need to stay bad all your life". You will never know how much I feel understood in this moment man. Never.
    For me was a big shame, with myself especially. Because it's like I was born bad, or something like that.
    Yes it's incredible how the human mind can be handled with this crap.
    When I am alone I just touch my penis and become Dwayne Johnson, when I am with a girl I only think about getting hard and I'm a sort of Ditto (the pokemon) and then flop lol
    No my friend it's not. It's my new bible. I will re-read this post all night. Because you fucking hit the point.
    Yeah bro, but it's more simple to say then do that. I think only that i'm going to fail, no success. :(
    Give everything you have into becoming a person you want to become.

    What a sentence. What a big sentence.

    Thank you very much for your post. It was astonishing for me. I really say thank you very much because I'm sure that something changed in me after reading it.

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2020
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  11. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much, this makes me happy more than anything on this world. Ok a Ferrari would make me happier sorry. Just kidding, stay strong my n1 follower. How are you? Situation with corona?
     
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  12. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    Hey again, you are actually in such a good position. When I started nofap, would you believe me if I say that my dick was dead. But I mean really dead. I couldn't get it hard no matter what. Even fucked up porn wasn't thrilling anymore. Plus severe hocd.

    I really want you to change the way you look at those experiences. People like to experiment. We are born that way. Some gay porn actors aren't gay at all. And think about female porn actresses. I can't name one which didn't do female to female scene. And I guess they are not lesbians. And this also mean nothing. This is because of money. The way they earn money. So they make it for money, you did it for the dopamine. That's all.

    I know, but next time try to just lay down. Use all your senses. Remember that they are also over stress. Just use some lights, put some music, drink something together, play some games, massage...
    Penetration is not the most important part. The most important part is that you both should be relaxed and enjoying each others body.

    You are never alone!
     
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  13. ANewMe97

    ANewMe97 Fapstronaut

    We create our shadows. I know you are right. Thanks for all @dr_persistent , have a nice day.
    Thank you! You too, if you need an advice or something like that, you can write me :D
     
    dr_persistent likes this.
  14. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much :)
     
    ANewMe97 likes this.
  15. This post is very funny lmao. Thank you for the laughs.
     
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  16. ANewMe97

    ANewMe97 Fapstronaut

    Better laugh then cry, doesn't you?
     
  17. Supination

    Supination Fapstronaut

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    Hahaha I'm doing well man, Thanks! Started my degree a month ago and studying hard.
    I'm still waiting for that update post in your HOCD thread that you owe me since May :)
     
  18. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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  19. I think these fetishes will never disappear, they will always arouse you. But you can stop the addiction to porn / masturbation and fetishes.
     
    Peaceful magic 21 likes this.
  20. dr_persistent

    dr_persistent Fapstronaut

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    After 6+ years of nofap, trust me if I say you are right. But, they fade so much that you don't even think about it. I think about shemale porn only when I go to this page to help others. I am not saying that I cannot be hooked again on this type of porn, I am addict and will always be, but I have zero zero zero temptations to do it. At this point, I really find it disgusting as I did before I got hooked. I would rather die than click on this video. So that is the most honest sentence from myself. Nothing but truth.

    So if you change your life so much in every aspect like I did, this really dissappear. I also stopped smoking 2.5 years ago. Now I actually don't remember when was the last time I had at least small craving for a cigarette. And this is also 100% truth.

    The strength of your will is stronger than anything else.
     

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