Should I break up with her?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by JakeWoods, Mar 27, 2019.

  1. JakeWoods

    JakeWoods Fapstronaut

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    Hey.

    So I’ve been with this girl for just over a year.

    She hasn’t done anything wrong but I feel like I just don’t love her. Which is making me feel guilty. I feel like I’m wasting her time and that she could be spending her time with someone that really does love her.

    We get on well. She’s a lovely girl.

    I’m finding it so hard to tell her that perhaps we shouldn’t be together because I know she’s gonna burst out in to tears.

    I’m also confused because I know I’ve got a good one but I just don’t get that feeling of love and excitement when I see her.

    Now I’m gonna say something that might make me sound like a bad person. I just can’t stop noticing other girls. I feel as though if I really loved this girl then I would only notice her, right? I wouldn’t be interested in other women. (I just wanna clarify that I have not cheated on her).

    People that I’ve spoken with have told me that I’m just wasting both of our time by being with her if I don’t love her.

    Has anyone ever had an experience like this? I’m a bit lost.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2019
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  2. How about you try to explore your feelings and look if you got any for her. No just a quick but a deep dive.
     
  3. Its pretty normal the last part. But you need to remind yourself of her and your feelings.
     
  4. Eternally Music

    Eternally Music Fapstronaut

    How long have you been feeling this way? Did this just happen when you recently relapsed? (judging from your counter) Or have you been thinking you don't love her for a while now?
     
  5. JakeWoods

    JakeWoods Fapstronaut

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    It doesn’t have anything to do with me relapsing.

    I’ve felt like this for a while. I think the thing that is bothering me most is the fact that I don’t feel the same way that she feels about me. I think this girl really likes me and I feel like I don’t like her as much as she likes me. Which is making me feel guilty about the relationship. I feel as though she should have someone that loves her back just as much.

    I’ve been feeling quite depressed for a while and because of that it’s like I never wanna do things with her. Or anyone for that matter. She always wants to go out and do things and to be honest, I just ain’t got the motivation to go out all the time and I feel like I’m dragging her down with me. Which I don’t want.
     
  6. Eternally Music

    Eternally Music Fapstronaut

    Hm... then I'll use the following quote:

    "If there is doubt, there is no doubt."

    While I'm not sold on breaking up with a girl you think is one worth keeping, you don't sound like you're in a place for a relationship right now. That being said, though, your depression sounds like it's something that needs to be fixed and might be (though I'm definitely not sure) the cause of why you feel this way about her.

    Ultimately, this is something you should spend more time reflecting on and we'll be here (I will, anyway) to talk to you about it, but my vote is to try to fix your depression before giving up on this girl.

    EDIT: I realize that my reply is very "do-or-don't-do-it", but that just shows how much I'm on the fence about it. I stand by my vote, though. Try fixing yourself before letting her go.
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2019
  7. I agree. Sometimes we just need time for ourselves. Problems and unsolved issues are things that wants and needs to be fixed. So dont change your mind on that girl so quick ^^. I got through depression twice. In that time I wanted a relationship so bad because I needed something to compensate my pain. But that wouldnt be real love. I give you an example. 5 days ago I was talking on the phone with gf. But I was so pissed everytime she even said a name of another guy. It was normal stuff like a classmate made a joke and they laughed so loud..
    . For example. Its not important what it was. But I was angry and I told her that I feel angry for no reason. So I just told her that i have to do some important things for University which bothers me because I didnt even started then. I told her about the work I gotta do and she said "Hey dont worry. Just do your work I get that you are not comfortable doing other stuff while something needs to be done." I love my girl. And you know what I just recognised an hour ago that I felt bad for not doing something. I am kinda glad because as a procrastinating person I forgot how that felt because I was just escaping from my problems
     
  8. So I started doing my work instead. And I felt way better even if I just did a little. ^^
    Short: Maybe you got some problems somewhere else that needs to be fixed. Maybe you waste your time too much on other stuff. Idk ^^ but if she doesnt change Its maybe you who changed and now you need to find the cause
     
  9. If you don't like her than yes
     
  10. ForeverStronger

    ForeverStronger Fapstronaut

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    I'm going to be a devil's advocate, and say it's hard to think clearly when you're surrounded by beautiful women.
    If she makes you happy, you may be experiencing the end of the honey moon phase, and be beginning the other parts of a relationship. However, there is many types of love in a relationship, so you may be noticing a loss of attraction, which I'm guessing from what you're writing. However, if that's the case, then you might try doing adventurous stuff with her to see her in a better light.
    Being a human is complicated, and as so, love is complicated.
    Humans can fall in and out of love as easy as the drop of the hat, but at the same time have long fulfilling relationships with others for their entire lives. The reason these relationships last is because they are curious about the other person, adventurous and go on lavish vacations, and also just being eachother's best friends. I really encourage you to read up a little bit on the science of relationships before diving out on a girl you love.
    As a student studying psychology, I solemnly swear that learning about what makes relationships ticks was one of the greatest blessings I ever gave to myself. Don't trust me, though, and do some research before tossing a girl you're into to the curb. Love is sort of like a mysterious phenomenon, however, I have a feeling you are falling out of lust with her not love.
    Try and be curious about her as a human being, try and see her developing, and try and go on lots of fruitful adventures with her before you give her up. There is only so many fish in the sea that you can comfortably wake up with in the morning, let alone last an entire year with!
    Anyways, just wanted to give you a different perspective than the mainstream one. Whatever you do, hope you are happy, bro.
     
    Nugget9 likes this.
  11. Ballofanxiety

    Ballofanxiety New Fapstronaut

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    As some others have said before every relationship has its ups and downs and they can be on different timelines. The honeymoon phase is when you feel most attracted to someone. During this phase you may feel the "butterflies" that so many people get worried over once they are gone. If I were you I would try a couple of things before breaking up with her.
    1. Evlaute the reasons your started a relationship with her in the first place, was it purely physical attraction , emotional attraction or both?
    2. I know this one can be hard but try to just enjoy your time with her and not think about do I love her , why are the butterflies gone?
    3. Try having some new experiences with her if you are not already.
    4. Give it some time, fluctuations of attraction and feelings of love are normal.
     
  12. jarvyjarvison

    jarvyjarvison Fapstronaut

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    I dunno man. Girls wanna typically want relationships to blossom into marriage and children and all that. If you're not diggin' her anymore, then I say break up with her.
     
  13. JakeWoods

    JakeWoods Fapstronaut

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    I never got butterflies with her, ever. Not even when we first started going out.

    I’ve always felt emotionless if I’m completely honest. I think my porn addiction without a doubt has contributed to that. I do know what it’s like to get butterflies from when I was a lot younger. The last time I felt butterflies over a girl, I must have been about 15.

    This is what’s making me doubt the relationship. I know people who have been in relationships for 5+ years and they still feel the same amount of attraction towards that person as they did at the beginning. When I look at her I don’t feel that I’m in love with her.
     
  14. Ballofanxiety

    Ballofanxiety New Fapstronaut

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    That is something only you can truly decide and yes it does happen that someone can be with the same person and always feel the same level of attraction but this is extremely rare. I honestly believe anyone who says they feel the exact same way about their partner and have their entire relationship is maybe lying to themselves a little bit. It is normal to fluctuate. Idk what you should do I am just trying to say it's better to give it your all and know for sure than to give up too easily
     
  15. Ballofanxiety

    Ballofanxiety New Fapstronaut

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    Idk what you should do because I'm kind of going through a somewhat similar situation
     
  16. Ballofanxiety

    Ballofanxiety New Fapstronaut

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    Give yourself time to decide if you need more time away from porn or if its really the relationship
     

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