Should I confess to my Partner?

You have an open-door policy but are hiding something.

Should you confess? Your answer is right there. If transparency is an important part of your relationship, you gotta address that.

 

It’s just pride. It is, I got through the same thing with mine and every time I’m always 1000 times harder on myself than she ever has been on me.
You gotta humble yourself and that’s so difficult, especially for men, to do. We are trained to not ever do that but that is toxic bullshit.
Are you good to her? Do you love her and does she understand you? Is she kind and and good to you?
Tell her. You’ll feel better and even if she is upset and you will not be hiding in the shame anymore. Porn thrives in shame. It eats it up and keeps you in the cycle. Get it off your chest and release that guilt. If she loves you she will respect you for telling her and pick you up, not slam you down.

Next step is to develop plans so you do better so your words aren’t hollow.

 

Better to come clean, I relapsed the other day after 74 day streak - phoned my wife straight away and Told her. Best thing to do!

 

I didn't confess to my wife until I had a couple years of working hard on sobriety under my belt. Then I came to a point in my recovery when I realized I could go no further without making amends to her. That included being honest with her about my addiction. I realized that without honesty there can be no relationship. So, I confessed everything after hiding it all from her for 15 years. It was one of the hardest days of my life , and I was ready for her to leave me.

A few years later, and things are immensely better. But it took time to process through it all. I would do things exactly the same if I had it to do over again.

I cannot tell you what to do in your situation, but that is my story.

 

Having your spouse as an AP can be difficult. I highly recommend having APs who are not your spouse. You do not want to put her int he role of mother/babysitter.

 

What was her reaction? If you don’t mind my asking. Was it how you expected it would be?

 

I didn’t tackle the root of my fear until a fellow no fapper asked “what with my wife was I afraid of ?”

That did it.

Glad to see you saw it too.

 

You relapsed one time 3 years ago? Or you replased 3 years ago through present day? How often was it?

I read that you told her about your relapse i think that great. Honesty is the best policy , it will hurt her still of course but it is worse if she found out on her own a lot worse! even if it was one time she has the right to be told. You cannot have a relationship based on a faulty foundation - a relationship with lies is not loving or caring it is selfish and one-sided
Good job!

 

I’m proud of you, @HealingIsHard, that’s a big step forward.

 

It's so freeing to have nothing to hide from someone else. Keep it up, and work your recovery!