Should I date during reboot with PIED

I'm new to NoFap. And I'm not a trained professional. But my gut instinct is YES, definitely. I don't know if this is just another 'braintrap', but I'm hoping to find a girl that I can date, so I can have even more motivation to NoFap. I imagine it being a true motive for me, to safe all that sexual energy for her. I've seen married men succeed when they used improvement of their sexual relationship with their wife as a main goal.

But I caution against 'braintraps'. A voice within me warns me, 'no crutches', 'go spartan', 'do it for yourself and no other reasons than that'. And what would happen if she dumps me? So there's risk there, as well.

 

I'm doing no PM while dating. On the occasions when the girl I'm seeing and I got sexually intimate, I've experienced PIED and possibly also performance anxiety (since I anticipated PIED being a problem and was therefore focused on it).

I have found having this girl to flirt with, feel excited about, want to spend time with and be intimate with has all helped me stay focused and stay strong. But the question you ask is exactly right and I just thought about it today. I don't know how I'd respond. I would feel sad and lonely initially - two emotions that have often led to me using P to make myself feel better in the past. Perhaps having a set of strategies to cope with these situations helps - phoning a friend or sibling to get some sympathy, treating myself to something nice, watching a favourite film.

So I'm not sure what the answer is, but I'm enjoying dating and the fact I'm getting on really well with this one particular girl is definitely helping me stay PM free right now.

 

I'm doing no PM while dating. On the occasions when the girl I'm seeing and I got sexually intimate, I've experienced PIED and possibly also performance anxiety (since I anticipated PIED being a problem and was therefore focused on it).

I have found having this girl to flirt with, feel excited about, want to spend time with and be intimate with has all helped me stay focused and stay strong. But the question you ask is exactly right and I just thought about it today. I don't know how I'd respond. I would feel sad and lonely initially - two emotions that have often led to me using P to make myself feel better in the past. Perhaps having a set of strategies to cope with these situations helps - phoning a friend or sibling to get some sympathy, treating myself to something nice, watching a favourite film.

So I'm not sure what the answer is, but I'm enjoying dating and the fact I'm getting on really well with this one particular girl is definitely helping me stay PM free right now.

 

Well, I now know how I'd respond! And the answer is:

• By trying to figure out what went "wrong" and putting blame on myself
• Then by taking blame away from myself, but reflecting on how things went, what I'd do differently in future
• Being more determined than ever to leave my old addiction behind and develop a healthy sex life
• Still feeling a sense of loss at the things we didn't get to experience together, but getting excited at what lies ahead of me

I often find myself thinking about her and still feel shitty about her breaking up with me. The fact that it was because she lost that feeling of desire and sexual attraction towards me (rather than just doesn't like me as a person) doesn't really help - it initially reinforced the feeling of sexual inadequacy and being a "fucked up" because of the addiction - but it has meant that I've learnt a lot about desire within a relationship, realised there's more for me to learn in how I express sexual desire as part of my identity (rather than keeping it hidden - a behaviour I learnt through feeling shame around porn addiction) and ultimately is all part of becoming the person I want to be.

 

I’m speaking to an amazing woman and we’re planning to meet up again on Saturday. Trust me, TRUST ME, that when you have these interactions with someone who pays you genuine interest, it’s such a powerful natural high. Porn is instantly forgotten. Porn doesn’t even enter your mind. Porn is garbage.

 

I'm in the same boat as you dude. Dating a woman whilst still having PIED.
It sucks and it makes me sad, however It also made me more determined to keep this no-pmo streak going.
Here a snippet from my last yournal log:

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Yesterday night I made love with a woman I recently met and was eagerly looking forward to a romantic session at her place.
After kissing and cuddling on the couch She quickly invited me to her bedroom.
As I entered the bedroom she started to undress me and quickly wanted to pull down my shorts, but I kindly
stopped her and threw her on the bed after lifting her dress and continued to slowly kiss, nibble and lick her from top to bottom.
We then slowly proceeded with oral sex and it felt so good and I can truthfully say that she gave me the best blow job I ever felt.
It didn't take us long to orally orgasm. After a long kissing break I tried to penetrate her, but my biggest concern became reality.
My PIED came back and I was severely struggling to keep an erection.
A flush of defeat rained over me, since I didn't see this coming looking at my NoFap progress.
Eventough my dick failed me once again, I still had a fantastic evening, night and morning with this woman.

After last night I'm left with more questions than answers, but various things have become more clear to me.
My PIED has to stop. Years of porn did so much damage to my dopamine receptors, I need to do a longer NoFap streak to improve.
Although I fully quit looking at porn, I still failed because of edging, so edging is off the table starting from today. Counter reset.
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