Should I give up on this girl?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Oct 1, 2019.

  1. There's this girl I like in my school. We're both in grade 11 and I asked her out a few weeks ago. She rejected me nicely, but I still like her. I also asked her friends to ask her if she likes me without saying I sent them just to clarify and she said no. My teacher constantly encourages me to not give up on her and keep going, but I don't know if I should. I'm leaving school next year which isn't very long, so there's not much to lose if I keep trying. All I do at the moment is just occasionally try to converse with her, but it's pretty challenging because she's an introvert and doesn't talk much. I should note there's a couple of school events coming up which I could probably redeem myself to her such as prom and a theme park excursion.

    What do you guys reckon? Give up or keep going?
     
  2. I'm not sure if I understand all the details correctly but it seems like if she said no, then there's nothing left to discuss. I never had a girlfriend in high school, and I got rejected but just moved on. You'll find other people in other areas of your life.
     
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  3. Daedaleus

    Daedaleus Fapstronaut

    If she says no, then I'd at least try not pursue her romantically. Acknowledge to her that you know she's not interested and just convey that you'd like to still be on good terms with her and ask if she's okay with that. If she says she's not okay with that, then you're done.

    Also, if she's shy, being overly zealous in your romantic pursuits right out of the gate can be a big turn off. I don't know all the details, but get to know her better and let her get to know you if you're both more acquaintances. She might change her mind later once she gets to know you and is comfortable around you. Being overtly assertive and trying to constantly initiate conversation (i.e. texts) will most likely not end well.
     
  4. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I would back off.
     
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  5. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    Your teacher is giving you bad advice. She already said she isn't interested, chasing her will show your neediness, which is repulsive to women. At this point, totally forget about her and go date a girl that's hotter than her, maybe *then* she'll come around.
     
  6. True - but it's not 100% over. It's definitely over for now - she's not into you at this moment, but she got the message that you are into her. Now go live your life: date other girls, do sports, do something interesting, become a better person. When your time in school will be coming to an end you might try one last time. You will change, she might change as well - who knows?
     
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  7. Blade-rnr

    Blade-rnr Fapstronaut

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    Sadly, this is all part of dating... including the rejection. There's not much that screws with a man's head like rejection does. If you have enough self-awareness you'll ask yourself, "Is there anything wrong with me?". I can tell you, with as much love for you as I can, that the answer is YES. Of course there is, and if you want to bag yourself a quality girl you need to make yourself into a quality man. You should ask yourself, if this girl was my daughter, what kind of man would I want her to date? Then start taking steps to become that man.

    You'll discover things about yourself as you journey into the unknown. You're young. That means that you're immature, but you are also full of potential. Find ways to challenge yourself... to better yourself as a person, to contribute to your family and your community. Get a job or join the military. Make yourself useful. Go on lots of first dates, but don't expect a relationship out of them. With each rejection, you'll have the opportunity to learn something more about yourself. As you begin to build yourself up to your potential you'll find that you actually have something of value to offer to women which makes you attractive as a mate.

    Is all of the worth it? As someone who has been happily married to an awesome girl for 10 years, the answer is YES. The effort is worth it. Marriage is hard, parenting is hard. If you're weak, you won't survive it.
     
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  8. Suk

    Suk Fapstronaut

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    When someone says No it's clear that it's a No, don't waste your time and emotions on someone who doesn't want them...and if you have a question in your mind whether you want to give up or keep going, ask yourself
    DO I LIKE HER ENOUGH TO GET HURT BUT STILL NOT GIVE UP ON HER? If that's the case, i think you should do whatever it takes to make that girl happy till you leave...and hope that she develops some feelings for you. Best of luck!
     
  9. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    She rejected you, move on. Just be glad she was clear and didn't string you along.
     
  10. Fraladin

    Fraladin Fapstronaut

    I know I'm a bit late to this, but it's time to move on man. Personally I have been there and I know its hard to understand at first, I bet you're a really nice and chill guy, and then wonder why your crush doesn't like you? Some people aren't always ready for a relationship and when you respect their decisions, you show that you respect them and at the very least you proved to yourself, that letting go is a way of moving forward.

    There are plenty of fish in the sea (as they say) and one day some woman is going to come into your life and you'll realise that they are the best thing that'll ever happen to you. I know now at the age of 21 with my Fiancee and she has helped me through my NoFap journey. When a woman can respect and appreciate the struggles you go through, you know she's the one. :)
     
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  11. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    Oneitis is a very bad thing. OP, please read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. This should be required reading for every man.
     
  12. 10 years ago when I was in a similar situation my mom gave me the wrong but well meant advice. "Don't give up, go for her!"

    One month ago I've read Models by Mark Manson and it's an eye opener! It is a book about attracting women in a honest and authentic way. Where rejection actually becomes your ally in the process of attracting girls/women. Man do I wish I've read it 10 years ago. It will save you countless of hours and disappointment and feeling of inferiority.

    If your curious about it, I'll gladly give you the tl;dr.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. Yeah I have had my mom give me dating advice when I was younger to , it worked realy well if you want to be home playing video games every Friday night ALONE .
     
  14. Milhouse Van Houten

    Milhouse Van Houten Fapstronaut

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    Focus on your friendship dawg and in time things may work out. Even if she just stays your friend then at least you have a good friend and you can meet someone better for you.
     
  15. Update: Yeah turns out you guys were right and my teacher was wrong. I've spent the last month trying to be friends with her but she just really DOES NOT like me. She wouldn't even sit next to me at lunch. Lesson learnt I guess..
     
    Milhouse Van Houten likes this.
  16. I feel you dude, it sucks being rejected as it's a rejection on your personality.
    Harsh moments are important to our lives, it's where opportunities for growth lie if we take them. Have you considered writing a short reflection of; What did I do well, what would I improve, What did I learn and what are the next steps?
     
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2019
  17. Frankly, I'm glad she's direct enough to teach you this lesson. Too many females "want to be friends" with men interested in them romantically, which only incites more romantic feelings (Omg, maybe she'll change her mind!). For women, this provides a dopamine hit "I have men around me I don't even like" and for men it creates a negative feedback loop "omg, she may not like me but pretends to be nice when no one else is around." It trains you, and her, to engage in unhealthy, and dishonest, behavior.

    Take this as a life lesson. Next time you ask a woman for a date, or if she's interested:

    1. Make it clear "I like you in a romantic fashion and all that a romantic relationship entails."

    2. If she says yes, great!

    2. If she rejects you state: "While you're a nice person (why like a bad person?), I do not find you friendship material. If you were suitable for friendship, I'd be asking you right now."

    4. Do not be overly rude, for you may need to exist in a professional/collegial relationship with this woman in the future.

    In the long run this saves your, and her, time/annoyance/frustration and even anger. I've known men who eventually face stalking/harassment charges due to their inability to disengage after a rejection.

    Postscript: The ONLY way to win a girl back with her full respect (which a healthy relationship requires), after her rejecting you, is to disengage completely. She MIGHT one day view you through a different lens as "that firm/quiet man who walked away from me instead of crying over his rejection and trying to be a beta-orbiter friend." For you, in this case, it's probably way too late for that type of recovery. You've already tried too many times. Do not expect her to return after you disengage.

    PLEASE do not view walking away from a woman who rejects you as a reasonable tactic to win a woman's heart. It rarely creates that influence on a woman, AND it furthers an unhealthy absorption in a disinterested woman.

    Tl;Dr -> in the future walk away, in this case walk away, and in all cases of rejection walk away and never look back. Many women exist, there's no reason to simp-ify yourself over rejection by one of 3.5 billion possible mates.
     
  18. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    Next time flip this frame around and be sure the girl even qualifies to be a friend beforehand.
     
  19. I'd strongly caution against the friendship lens for men in general, but especially from this community.

    This young man might be far more successful if he gains strength through fraternal ties, finds a method of gaining confidence, and then branches out into the dating world. I'm not advocating the MGTOW route, but there's a real value in gaining strength with other men before branching out into women. Consider the strength of men in America between 1800-1900. Very few of these men found women problematic, and almost all of these men belonged to fraternal organizations and possessed few similar-age female friends.

    Remember, men provide for others (even other men via self-confidence and support), whereas women seek provision from others. A man with too many female contacts over-extends his resources and may fail to function smoothly when finally in a relationship.
     
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  20. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    Agreed. Otherwise the guy starts wearing girl jeans and becomes a Reddit soyboy bugman.
    redditnumale.jpeg
     

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