Should I go out with someone I'm not attracted to?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Kai101, Apr 5, 2018.

  1. Kai101

    Kai101 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys . I desperately need your help. I'm 16 and have never been in a relationship. However, a girl that has had a crush on me for a while has been hitting on me, and wants to go to the movies with me. I MEAN NO OFFENSE WHEN I SAY THIS, but she is very overweight. I know I'm being picky and spoiled, and beggars can't be choosers. But my mom has been overweight/obese her whole life, and she has had a very negative view about herself. This has affected me greatly. I also know first hand all the physical and mental struggles here right people go through daily. Im not saying that this is unique. Everyone has crap in their lives. I don't want to put myself in a relationship like that though. She thinks I'm hot, she is bice, she looked vert nice when she was leaner, and we have some common interests (not a lot, but more than most teenage couples nowadays do, lol), but I just can't look past the fact thay she is overweight. I have never been attracted to it. I can't just make myself attracted to that. To each his own. Also I am not ready for a relationship. One reason is that I am not ready for the responsibility of having a girlfriend, and another is that I want to do my own thing for a little while lo get while I'm still young, lol.

    What do you guys think I should do?
     
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  2. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    Fuck her, loose virginity, get some dating experience, fun in life and once you find somebody better just break up. Maybe little bit selfish but definitely the approach from which you get the most.

    Edit: that's what I would do now if I had 16 again with knowledge and experience I got in subsequent 13 years but not what my dumb nice good younger self did when I was 16 years old and had opportunities like that.
     
    kingpietro likes this.
  3. Jen@8675309

    [email protected] Distinguished Fapstronaut

    If you're not attracted to her, don't lead her on or imply there's a future here. If you decide to enter a relationship with her, it's only a matter of time before you start to grow resentful. It doesn't make you a bad person if you're not attracted to her, like you said to each his own.

    Don't treat her like trash, "use her and lose her". I would gently let her down, let her know you're not interested in a relationship, and most importantly don't leave her false hope or leave the door open for maybe something happening in the future.
     
    Knighthawk, GG2002, Gooding and 7 others like this.
  4. Albeda22

    Albeda22 Fapstronaut

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    Just don't. You don't have to do something you don't want to, Better tell her now before it becomes harder.
     
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  5. FEEL

    FEEL Fapstronaut

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    The fact that you came here and asked us whether you should take her out or not already says a lot.
    I think that you should at least try to take her out once or twice, maybe things will get changed between you guys
    and you'll get along together. It's a win-win for both of you.
    But if you're a 100% sure that there is no chance in the world that you'll ever be together then just tell her that and move on.
     
    Phoenix234, Gooding and Clean Plate like this.
  6. manimlonely

    manimlonely Fapstronaut

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    If you don't like her as much, friendzone her. Tell her the truth. Don't lie, try going around it or something. Don't be scared to tell people(that are serious with you about emotions) about your emotions and feels. Practice it whenever you can. Maybe it will be painful, maybe it won't, but it's an experience and you can't miss it.

    Don't just fuck her and leave her. In life you can't force these serious emotion things, you'll traumatize her and yourself. You can't make yourself love her even if she's that desperate. She doesn't know you from your birth, she doesn't know your flaws. Try being just friends with her. Do what is fun to do for both of you. Try understanding her, maybe one day, even if she will still be overweight, you'll lose your f-ing mind and fall in love. Trust me man, I'm picky too, but sometimes your natural you or your "you from the heart" doesn't care.

    P.S.Maybe you'll become great friends and you'll workout together? Maybe you can try helping her? As Gandhi said, always try being kind and it's always possible to be kind
     
    MindfulAchilles and Clean Plate like this.
  7. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    I can only tell you my story.

    When I was 17, I met a girl at a party, and she asked me to dance with her. I didn't like her, and I didn't even know her, but I accepted, and it was awkward. It was maybe a second time I danced with a girl. After the party, we went home together, and while we were sitting on a bench and talking, we kissed. I don't really know why it happened, but it was that kind of "romantic" setting which you see in the movies.

    Fast forward maybe 2 weeks, we broke up. She had a boyfriend who was away at that time. I think she indeed liked me, but that doesn't change anything. The only thing I'm happy about is that we didn't have sex. Even kissing someone you don't like is terrible, it's like I was forcing myself because it was "the right thing to do". We did not become friends after that, of course, and I still despise her.

    Sometimes it hurts to try. I will never date anyone I don't like again.
     
  8. MindfulAchilles

    MindfulAchilles Fapstronaut

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    If you rather not have someone give you the wrong signals, use you and keep you around for their ego...


    Don’t do it to her.


    Now, if you are ok with having all of that done to you, I’d seriously question if you really value yourself. She may not value herself right now (many girls struggle with this) - but that is not a free-pass for you to not be noble and do your part to value her. You can be the guy who is completely different, the one who actually respects her and clearly communicates his disinterest because he values her. It really changes and makes people better. Makes them feel better about relationships and communication.

    I have a close friend I had to let go of. I was clear about my intentions, and she was about hers. Both of us looked at it as a possibility for a romantic relationship. But there was a point in which she understood she was not really interested in a relationship for the right reasons, and she was direct and open enough to say it to me knowing that it could very well end our friendship. And it did - because I had envisioned it diferently and she didn’t want to reciprocate out of fear of losing me. I value her honesty. And I value the fact that she valued me enough to be willing to lose me if it meant that she would be 100% doing what she felt she needed to do. Sucks, but hey - I rather have that than her play me and then show me she didn’t really mean to be interested. People can be clear and nice to each other. She deserves that, you deserve that.

    My 23 cents.
     
  9. Gooding

    Gooding Fapstronaut

    I would tell her that I am not attracted to her, and that I am not ready for a relationship. But I would accept to go to a movie. Conversations could be growth opportunity. And if things are explicitly clear and if done casual experience happens I don't see any harm
     
    manimlonely likes this.
  10. Fuck that stupid saying. Be a chooser and don't settle for someone you're not interested in or attracted to. Lets face it your mom has shown you a very serious side of obesity and it's something you already have to deal with with one person in your life so the last thing you need is a romantic relationship with a girl who resembles your mom both physically and possibly emotionally.

    With that said you need to man up and tell her in a kind way that you're not interested in a romantic relationship. Don't use her and don't treat her like shit since she doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. If she is willing to respect your decision that there will be no romantic relationship then I don't see why you two cannot be friends. Who couldn't use a good friend?
     
  11. As someone who has been involved in too many relationships with people I didn't really like simply because they liked me, I'm going to go with the majority here and say don't bother pursuing it. Hang out with her, sure, see if you do click or something develops, but as someone who was rejected so often that I stopped having standards, I'd argue in favour of maintaining your standards and your self-respect.
     
    Gooding and MindfulAchilles like this.
  12. Phoenix234

    Phoenix234 Fapstronaut

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    You state you liked her when she was leaner. There is some attraction. You are turned off by weight. Why not just meet and see. You don’t have to commit your life to it. In your age especially it’s about exploring and seeing. Maybe you have a nice day or evening. Maybe you have sex and it’s nice. Maybe it develops into more or maybe not at all. Without experimenting or going into it you can’t find out.
    Even if you meet the woman of your life before becoming serious serious there needs to be exploration. You can’t make up your mind first how life should be and then life must bend to your views. That’s not how life works. If you can open to life and allow to explore with a open mind things can come to you.
     

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