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Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by AlphaAlone, Aug 23, 2019.
Chads have a hard time understanding how hard it is for an average man to talk to women...
There is only one definition of "alpha".... A guy who does the right thing, even when he doesn't need to and can get away with anything. True strength is as simple as that.
has nothing 2 do with getting an escort.
if an alpha wants to get an escort, he'll get an escort..
I think it's more of a self defense mechanism at times than just being lazy. Others it's just because it feels good (why wouldn't? It's "sex") or it feels comfortable. I mean, you may not get to speak to girls or get to know them, but at least you're jerking off...
Of course, paying for sex comes with it's own headaches. But that's usually for the non experienced or those not comfortable with it that they shouldn't be doing it. I have never done it, but I can understand the appeal. It's easier at times to just give in to the idea of paying for something and get some peace of mind. And I would assume for some, many months/years of being unable to deal with sexual frustrations.
But at the end of the day, a guy goes may go through a life changing habit of stopping PMOing, for that person to just become depressed and to still be unable to work on their anxieties and issues, and still ending up alone. So, what's it all for? And why would I condone that someone paying for sex? Why would only a few get to be happy?
I guess you just need to be in the right state of mind to make that decision, and then live accordingly and without falling into a trap where you may then only pay for sex because that's the easy thing to do. It's not easy, but then neither is finding a normal girl the normal way
But can you now expand on your previous post? Do you just smile at them? Or you stare at then? What cues do you pick up? And how do you escalate conversation to become intimate?
What's a Chad?
Go the massage parlors. Make sure they offer full service before you go (there are websites). This is the most low-pressure way of doing it, and the most consistent service. You also get a massage, and/or bathed, to fill up the 1hr you pay for. Just learn to like Asian women.
Escorts are hit and miss, if you aren't hitting up one you already know. I've had awesome and terrible experiences this way. I mostly did in/out call to sample pussy of different races.
edit: the one negative of this is that you can't (or don't want to) kiss the face or lips. Def makes sex less intimate.
One sign is the hair flick with her hand (like brushing her hair to the side). This is a good sign, but not a direct invitation to fuck. But this is the most universal sign, and the easiest to spot. ex. the Asian girl does it at the 11-second mark in this video.
Another is when she looks at your eyes, then mouth, then back again. Usually, this happens when you are one on one, and have the ball rolling already. She wants to kiss you. Just lean in, and if/when she closes her eyes, you're in.
The conversation bit is really situational, and not so much based on instinct. I've had girls start talking about sex, before I brought it up. Not as rare as you think.
You should make your intentions clear, in someway or another. Don't overly try to be a gentleman, this will backfire. You should try to make it a little awkward, and create some sexual tension. You should also break the "touch barrier" as soon as possible too, subtly if you can.
let's see, examples...
- you are getting the signs, she is fixing her hair, she is standing closer than what you feel is normal. She is pretty intently listening to you. You notice that she has a tattoo, so you talk about tattoos. Then you throw the curvball. You look at her in her eye, give a small smile, and ask her if she has any tattoos in places you cant see...
- same prelude, you get her ice cream. You eat, talk BS. While she is eating, you giggle. She asks why? You tell her you think her "technique" is good/funny/awkward/unusual. You then relate this to BJ skills somehow (how you do this, depends, lol, but it should be subtle). She will have something to prove now.
Just try to throw the ball back into her court as much as possible. JUST DONT BE A BOY-SCOUT, noble, and all that other jazz. She won't want to fuck you if you act like her dad.
Thanks @King Tut I had no idea this subculture existed. Lol. Love nofap i just learn so much on subculture.
As far as talking, let’s boil this down.
We are in an online forum , i understand some ppl want to keep real life and online life separate and safe, but I choose to use this forum to be real and expose my thoughts even if they are immoral so im not here to judge you or anyone else. I’m here for healing Primarily.
Calling me a chad is the opposite of that.
I am not a chad, I am a recovering sex addict.
As far as “relating to women” I am an introvert who works in my career as an extrovert.
I have learned to talk to people as a means of survival but I didn’t include emotional expression with that. That’s exactly what escorts do. They talk but never share. I’m tired of hiding and holding back. So I’m telling op how shit is, for real. Not the glamorized “don’t touch the stove cause it’s hot” bullshit advice you get from folks. Nothing wrong with that either, it’s just not my angle.
I love to game, love to be alone, nofap appeals to me because I don’t need to worry about how I’m dressed, the color of my skin, hair, eyes, I can share ideas without “proving myself.” But I always have to work to socialize. That doesn’t go away.
But what I have learned is , porn and robotic sex (escorts) sabotage human-to-human contact. That’s its purpose.
It’s an isolating, stigmatizing reality. Sex with escorts is where you let someone mechanically suck your dick like a vending machine, then they robotically assume the position for you to get off with their vagina. You both use each other.
If they are new to sex work, it they will be obvious, awkward, if they have been at it a year or more they will be better at riding because know how to lie better and give the impression they enjoy it. That will be noticeable. If they are old it’s depressing and you just feel sad.
If you feel you made a connection with a girl and want to do it again with her most likely you won’t ..: you know there’s other girls so now you go looking for other types and other “flavors”. This breeds a cycle of multiple partners and in my case leads to cheating. It’s a shitty cycle, and it’s hard to break.
Sometimes it’s dry.
Sometimes they are the worse possible fucking partner and you feel shitty for supporting it.
Sometimes they tell you” you didn’t pay for that.”
Sometimes they say “you only bought 3 positions”.
Sometimes they say “no, I don’t do that. “
Sometimes they say “you are too big.”
Sometimes the sex is awesome and you repeat and then realize it was not at all what you hoped for.
What makes Sex worth it is the personal connection. Anything else is just penis exercise.
Which are you talking about here?
Regular girls or escorts?
Regular girls ... I don’t stare , I don’t state at anyone ... we normally call that rude. Girls don’t stare at guys either they sneak a peak.
At the bar or club I would purposefully dance near a girl I liked but never looking at them. That way I let her see me without fear that I was trying to be overly aggressive. I would sometimes turn around and dance looking past them so that they got comfortable with me that I wasn’t a creep before approaching .
In the strip club I did the opposite. Just would go up to a girl In front of all the other strippers and be a bad ass ...or I immediately wanted her attention. But in normal distrustful environments I don’t do that.
I think what is a great icebreaker is just to share how you feel.
Hmmm For example:
“I’m over here feeling that If I don’t introduce myself I will regret it later.”
I have found admitting your emotions up front really works. I don’t mind sharing I’m nervous , because it releases stress and both of us usually laugh.
I laugh and smile a lot.
I have found it’s really hard to turn down a person who smiles.
Women are emotional maybe some of them more so than men, so emotions or someway to emote or empathize is best.
Talk to them not about yourself.
Even the most non-vain girls like to talk about themselves.
I was addicted to tinder for a while and would use it to practice how to open up. Now I journal to practice how to express my emotions on paper first. That has been incredibly therapeutic.
If you haven’t tried that include that in your journal. Defeating a fear is all about sharing it.
Lol, he wouldn't need an escort in the first place.
I agree but even alphas feel low enough to do what is easy and lazy via an escort. It’s so accesible easy cheap , etc.
This is quite some stuff to go through, so out of respect, I'll go through this when I can do it properly, at home in my desktop.
I'm sure that some of this relates to what I've read in pick up books, and how to read clues, but again, putting things into practice never comes easy for some (i.e. me at least). And it's not because of lack of skills or looks, it's just a terrible anxiety to open mouth regarding expressing intimate/sexual interest :/
You can dm too.
Most guys struggle to express their emotions. I’m no different.
Practice makes perfect though.
i'm doing pickup now and it's extremely difficult. in fact, everything he said is useless unless you actually start approaching. you will forget everything he typed up the moment you open your mouth and say hi, because your emotions will fuck u up. it gets to a point where i feel like a gun with no bullets. after saying hi i literally have nothing to say because the fear is so high and it blocks all my output. just remember, approaching and saying hi is only half the battle. the other is talking and knowing how to lead her.
hey Chad, you're just complaining on your experiences now. let guys have their own, so they can learn it themselves. escorts are real live women, and it's 1000000000x better than staying home and fapping to pixels on your screen.
i personally dont see them because they are illegal and dont want cops busting me. if i lived in Germany, i'd see one regularly. but here in the states... you gotta be really careful.
although i am curious how you get strippers horny, but i assume is through kino (touch) as well as your Chad presence.
Yes, I also realize that. All that reading and theory goes down the drain unless you actually get out and talk to someone.... But because I now feel like not talking to any girl (anxiety, fear of rejection) I just don't even go out for this almost (sure, I can still go swinging, gym, etc, but it's not the same thing as going out to talk to girls)
Back to the topic, if you're not PMOing, and you're not getting sex by talking to regular girls (which I'm not doing), isn't paying for sex better than going back to PMOing? Hence why I can relate to the thinking of the guy who opened the topic
Sure, but let me go through all these bits first
yes it is. i am in the same boat as you. on NOFAP for 1 year already and for example today all day i stay home. my room is my comfort zone, and i stay here without doing anything today. i do have an excuse, i am sick but not all that bad because you see i am on my recovery day. so even my excuse won't fly. i could've went out to a computer store which is downtown to get something (i really do need things atm), but i stayed home.
getting escorts > fapping to porn. nothing is wrong with escorts just make sure you dont get a cop instead cuz you're not reading the red flags when you connect with her.
oh and i actually paid $ for some men to teach me how to talk to women recently. and still, i stay home in my comfort zone. it's so hard to change ,sometimes i feel like giving up. today is one of those days for me.
Dude , not to quote Dave Ramsey... but” broke friends don’t help us get out of debt. “
I assure you I am not a chad. But I learned how to talk to women.
That’s not the point of my thread. I am going to satisfy your curiosity one last time so that you understand I’m not against the guy going and getting an escort. I have done it and frankly as the oldest profession on earth, it’s played out. You know it’s fake blah blah blah. Std blah blah blah. Immoral, etc. Supporting bad people keeping girls enslaved etc.
I’m trying to tell you what he wants is CONNECTION. You can get that with escorts to a degree, but you STILL NEED CONFIDENCE.
As for provoking strippers, I just always envied the power they had so I decided to do it back to them.
I was like you describe . Totally Intimidated by women. I personally found the club scene and dance very intimidating. So I decided to attack it. I took dance classes on Monday’s and Wednesday’s and felt like a dancing turd with glasses.
I picked hip hop and Latin dance. I figured that was the most impressive dance moves. I completely bumbled my way through it. I forced myself to face the mirror and see how stupid I looked. I pushed myself. Constantly. Told myself the guys who can dance are the guys who are a single in bed. I figured it was true for women...
I have challenges my fears in many areas and I feel it has made me stronger.
I went home and practiced. Went back and started working on dubstep.
I suck at it but then right before nofap i started watching bodybuilder vids.
My idea was taking a biblical concept “by beholding you become changed.” I figured I had proved it worked in consuming porn as I felt totally shitty —-so I used it to push myself to spend pmo energy on building my body through focusing on positive vids where people take care of their body, work out , etc. Saw a lot of overweight people changing their life. I was blown away by how community can really work. At the beginning Before nofap i watched bodybuilder inspirational vids then porn. I was unable to stop cold turkey at that point.
Later, I got my first membership to the gym and added nofap a month later this year.
I am 5-10, bench 250 max, 181.5lbs.
I’m a soccer player mostly so my legs are strong. But my inside feelings were always critical. I lived in friend zone for most of my life.
I wanted to do better. I don’t believe in the “superpowers” bullshit either btw... it’s just your improved confidence that makes you stand out.
I do think confidence is my cologne. I wasn’t gonna let fears make me into a bitch.
Hell no. I did that for 30 years.
When I used to go to strip clubs the girls would offer me a lap dance. I am not huge chest or anything but when they wanted to dance to me I would let them start, then I would pick them up and sit them down. Then I would dance to them and remove my shirt a little. Every time and I mean every damn time, I went from punk to pimp. I ended up creating almost a routine and now I don’t go to strip clubs — I try to avoid the brothels too when I can. Here in the us i just go to bars or club occasionally.
On one occasion a stripper I provoked took me in the back and squirted —i counted 8 times. I Squealed every time in delight.
Anyways, the point is you don’t need to Hire an escort if you need sex. It’s a microwave solution when your body needs a 3 -course meal.
Notice I said NEED not want. You might want a escort but it’s not needed. You just wait long enough and you will be fine without it.
You DO a lot better in general, if you have confidence.
I have had strippers ask if she can come back to my place (for free)... I have turned down girls who come back to my place anyway. You don’t have to screw everything just because it’s offered. You have to get past your scarcity mindset bro.
I have no idea why you think it’s reserved for a special class of people. We see that kind of “self hate” in minority communities. I suffered big time from self hate.
But this “chad” nomenclature is dumb.
I was confident. There’s nothing magical to it.
I decided I was done with being afraid and letting fear rule me. That’s all it takes. Same for pmo.
Fuck porn and the fear of facing life.
Fuck prostitutes and your fear of not getting sex.
Fuck all of it. Throw it away.
None of it is a good investment of or for your dick.
You can do this. See my avatar for inspiration.
Im curious where do you find your escorts?