Should I restrain myself from looking at girls?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Betterman92, Dec 15, 2014.

  1. Betterman92

    Betterman92 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys.

    I was just thinking about this earlier when I was at the mall. I guess I wasn't unconscious of it before, but somehow I just became cognizant of it, and I'm wondering if it could be part of the problem, or something that I can work on anyways.

    What I mean is, I look at girls a lot. Really checking them out, over and over and over again, objectifying them I guess. Is it okay to do this? I don't want to become asexual or anything, but I want to know if it's healthy to look at girls like this.

    I'm not really sure how to look at girls in a "healthy" way: do I just look once or twice? Do I not look at all? Should I focus only on their personalities instead of their looks? I mean, I do alright the way I am, but I'm just wondering if I'm objectifying them too much. I've gotten better with Nofap over time, and I think in a healthier way than I did before, but I don't know.

    Hope you guys know what I'm trying to say. Thanks.
     
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  2. heyitshannes

    heyitshannes Fapstronaut

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    Objectifying women is never a good thing. It is a side-effect of our porn addiction. I would suggest looking away, for now at least, until you have completed your reboot. Once you have done the reboot, the way you look at women will change (so I've read. I have still to complete mine). You'll start seeing people and not just body parts.
     
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  3. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    For me, I stop myself when I notice I'm staring at a woman's body or if I start fantasizing about her. I think it's okay for me to catch a glimpse of someone's body, to notice that someone's beautiful, to notice an attraction. But, personally, when I start to stare at a woman's body or start fantasizing about her, I stop myself.

    I wear an elastic hair tie type thing on my wrist (a rubber band works to) and whenever I start staring or fantasizing, I just lightly snap the band whenever I start staring or fantasizing. That brings me back to reality and I can put my attention on something else. It works for me. For the first week or so I was snapping that band a hundred times a day, but now maybe only a dozen times in a day.
     
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  4. AgAu

    AgAu Fapstronaut

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    I'm going to throw out another idea. Lets be honest, looking at women and being sexually attracted to women is normal. I don't think we should stop ourselves from this. I will say though is that checking a girl out a lot and never talking to her is potentially a problem. You think she's attractive, go and talk to her. I have done this before, I have been surprised how willing some girls are to talk. Being the guy that looks at girls and never talks to them can come off a little creepy. I suggest not doing that, it's not good for you.
     
  5. Don't LOOK at them, rather TALK with them.

    At objects, you are "looking".
    To humans, you are "talking".
     
  6. Yeah, looking at girls is okay. Acknowledge that they're beautiful and attractive, it's okay, we have lust to an extent. But if you keep staring and you start fantasizing about them and all, then it's not okay anymore. So it's okay to an extent, you're right about it being normal, but fantasizing about them and mainly focusing on body parts alone, not really. Well, it may be normal but that action would be contaminated by porn anyways, you get the point. Being attracted to the body is okay, but the body alone, no. Start to know the girls instead of just appreciating them in your head, and be attracted to their personality as well. They're human too. :D
     
  7. mrlaw

    mrlaw Fapstronaut

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    It's normal. Humans are not objects!. There's no way you can possible objectify one(women). Please ignore the knights and few women on here that will try to guilty trip you.

    I view them as just piece of.....and..... ( fill in the blank space )
     
  8. NoFapsWereGiven

    NoFapsWereGiven Fapstronaut

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    In my opinion there is a difference between looking at a girl, noticing her beauty and enjoy/admire her beauty. And on the other hand looking at a 'hot body', undress it in your mind, and treat it like a piece of meat to stick in your tool. Second example looks more like mentally rape someone. Maybe this is too much contrast and there might be other ways to look at a girl, but what I'm trying to say is that I don't thing that objectifying women isn't the "right" way to look at them.

    Of cource you can get aroused by a womens appearance, but are going to feed that arousal and 'mentally have sex with her' (which may lead to (P)MO)? Maybe a better way to use that sexual energy is to have a talk with her. Also it depends on the situation. When checking out a girl on the streets on your way to work/college, you probably are not going to get laid. So all the energy you put in thinking of how hot she is, and imaginating you're having sex with her, is a waste of energy or may lead to PMO...
     
  9. Mzz27

    Mzz27 Fapstronaut

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    No way man! Looking at girls is absolutely normal! But if you are starting to fantasise - thats not good I think. I made myself a rule. If I am not committed to approach her and have a conversation with her then I try not to look at her. But If I notice a girl, that somehow attracts me, then I'll look at her closer, to find out am I really interested in her. But If Im in a hurry or not in the mood to approach women then I don't see the point of looking at them cloasly. What's the point of watching? If you see that she's the kind you like, then go take a chance! Im curious at these moments. "Ok, I like how she looks. But is her personality as interesting as her looks"? There's nothing to loose, believe me ;)
     
  10. Ramanandaman

    Ramanandaman New Fapstronaut

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    I would say restrain yourself from leering at girls. If a beautiful woman crosses your radar, that's alright, just don't become fixated on her and start mentally ruminating about her. Just let her walk right out of your field of consciousness the same way she walked in.
    Off topic - how do I get a counter going here?
     
  11. 21decisionforlife

    21decisionforlife Fapstronaut

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    i agree with the opinions mentioned above. When we are attracted to women it has a certain reason. We like their face, their body, their smell, etc. Biologically this is MENT to be so we go and build up bonds with em and potentially have them as our partner. So my suggestion (as long as your single at least) go and talk to the girl and see what's happening with it if ur lucky something wonderful (relationship) might come out or just sex or u just had a nice talk. U basically have nothing to lose and at some stage u'll be amazed of things that u thought never would be possible to happen, because u thought just "cool guys" could do that.
     
  12. vik17

    vik17 Fapstronaut

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    For me, if I am not going to talk to a hot girl, then I barely look at her. There was a time(when I first tried to stop watching porn), I would fantasise about all the girls around me and I ended up fapping. Now, It has become a habit to barely look at them. In my head, it's like, "hey she's cute." Then I move on to something else. For me, in that way it is healthy. Also, I try to avoid looking at any girl disrespectfully cause it's objectifying and it keeps drawing me back to porn. However, if I want to "pick her up", then I smile and talk to her confidently all while looking at her in the eyes. If she is interested, I get her number and etc, if not, then I just move on. Remember, never be a creep. Porn will have the effect of getting us to check out every girl we see. It's our job to control ourselves and become healthy individuals.
     
  13. ChangeofDavid

    ChangeofDavid Fapstronaut

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    I know this sounds strange, but if you feel like looking keep looking for 5-10 seconds. Then look away. It might also work if you look into there eyes. I feel like that helps when objectifying is a problem. Leave it up to circumstance as well. Remember to Blink is something I always tell my self. I hope this helps..
     
  14. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Use the 3 second rule: (1) notice; (2) admire; and (3) move on.
     
  15. whatvidone

    whatvidone Fapstronaut

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    One question, how many days are you at? I started to figure out the "right way to look at girls" after a bout a week. If their looking at you, look them in the eye. But say they're walking away, its OK to check out there ass, but if they look back and catch you, don't look away, flash them a guilty smile it works most of the time. Also if you check out a girl a few times, you probably want her so go talk to her. However I cant stress enough, DO NOT go after fake women. They're used to fake dudes coming after them so they will try to make you feel bad about yourself if you come across as real, this can be a low-blow to your self esteem. So try talking to women with natural beauty. Hope that helped a bit. :D

    Ramanandaman- First, crazy name :cool:, second click on my counter to get your own.
     
  16. Struggler1000

    Struggler1000 New Fapstronaut

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    You Believe or not Believe, Watching at a Girl is First Step towards Porn & Masterbation. Even You watch a Girl Coverd with Clothes, It can lead you on way of Porn and Masterbation.
    It is a Fact.
    Because Brain Instantly Starts to Release Dopamine when you look at a Girl Even in normal routine.
    So the First Step of Nofap is to Avoid Watching Girls in Films, TV programs, and at Shoping Malls or Streets Etc. Otherwise Nofap will Remain a Dream for a Porn and Masterbation Addict.
    If you Really want Success in Nofap, Avoid Watching Girls Anywhere you are
     
  17. randomname3

    randomname3 Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it can be put any more concisely that Matthew 5:28 //
    but I say unto you, that every one that looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. //

    Whether you like the Bible or not, you can't really deny that's a true statement. And notice, the problem isn't so much the fact you saw her and felt lust for her. There's nothing wrong with recognizing a woman is beautiful, and even going up to try and start a relationship with her. Rather, the problem is when you look on her To lust after her. When you do that, you're doing a PMO in your mind, which either influences you to relapse, or leaves you mentally unfulfilled and empty as if you had relapsed.

    If you want to succeed here and be fulfilledrrather than emptied, do not look at anyone (or anything) to lust after them.
     

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