Should I see an escort?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by the phantom pain, Jun 29, 2018.

  1. the phantom pain

    the phantom pain Fapstronaut

    Hi all I’ve been debating this one in my head for a long time. I’m 21 still a virgin have never even kissed a girl and was wondering if I should decide and see an escort just because I have no idea what I’m doing in those departments. Partly why I think it’s been such a debate is because a friend of mine did it and never regretted it. What are your thoughts?
    Thank you
  2. Spitfirewho

    Spitfirewho Fapstronaut

    Just personal thought, dont do it.

    I had an appointment in Nevada with a legal prostitute to loose my virginity on my 33 birthday, thought it was my only chance to loose it. I put down a $300 deposit and was prepared to spend most of my life savings, over $10,000. I had never kissed a girl, been on a date and was not sure what to do, which is why i was willing to spend so much to cross as many firsts off my list as I could. I had a phone call with her and she put on a hell if a good show, first class actress pretending she cared.
    About 2 months before my appointment I met a girl online, went on a first date, had a first kiss and eventually lost my virginity with someone I cared for rather than with a stranger. Now because of my porn issues I was unable to keep an erection or even climax, it took loving time and practice to help heal these issues (still healing). Now I am madly in love and we are talking about the next steps in our relationship.
    I did cancel my appointment in Nevada and when I did the prostitute freaked out, calling me all kinds on names, telling me I am thhe worst price of shit ever. Basically the real her showed itself and the real her was an ugly horrid woman, unable to truly care about any of her "marks".
    That was my own personal experience, if it matters. They are not good people, just people who want to bleed you dry in body, mind and wallet. Find a real woman you can care for and will care for you in return, trust me it is so worthy it. Givin you are on nofap I am guessing you have porn issues, fix these issues first, and when you do you will begin to feel more confidence with woman and want to meet them I the wild. I would have spent my life savings, been unable to get an erection and honestly probably ended up killing myself on the drive home, honestly it would have killed me.
    Work your PMO issues, find a real girl and live happy. No hookers, trust me. Good luck.
  3. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

    If it’s inline with your sexual ideal, then yes.

    Otherwise, no.

    A sexual ideal is the sexual experiences that your 100% ok with and that line up with your inner moral compass.

    For example your friend’s moral compass might be tuned to allow for escort hookups. Meaning he is truly hardwired as a human being to see absolutely nothing wrong with this and wil feel no regret or shame afterwards or down the road. You however might not be wired for this.

    I would encourage you to write down your sexual ideal before you do this and find out if it’s right for you.

    Humans are sexual beings and we can’t run from our sexual urges just because we’re addicted, but we have to be very careful to be 100% honest with our intentions otherwise it will ruin us emotionally.

    Also, we’re sex addicts so our judgment is clouded and if you haven’t been sober long, it might be best to allow the reset to happen first and the. Start worrying about reintroducing sex into your life. There’s no hope for success if we’re still just chasing that high and hiding from our feelings.

    Careful what you do! Over time new experiences that we’re at first not ok with will start to be wired to the orgasm feeling of pleasure causing us to learn to accept them. This is a survival mechanism within our brain. So you might dislike it the first time, but keep doing it and eventually you’ll learn to be ok with it and do it more and more often. Then one day you’ll wake up and be so ashamed with yourself because it’s not in line with your morals, yet you can’t seem to stop because you’ve wired your brain to find intense pleasure and happiness from seeing escorts.

    Hope this helps and reach out any time!
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2018
  4. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

    My thoughts are that you are still really young. I had my first time at age 22, still was early enough. In the beginning of your twens you start to think you're getting old, just because puberty's over. Don't worry, you aren't old, in fact, life is only starting right now.
  5. GaryMayor

    GaryMayor Fapstronaut

    Haven't you never kiss a girl? It is no problem at all. There are plenty of things to try in life and you have a lot of time to do that. Enjoy what you currently have and just wait for the nice relationship, focusing on your own things, which make you happy and better man. Of course if you prefer hookup over the loved one, then you can pay for sex, even now. But I'm pretty sure if it was true then you would not post there.
  6. Sardonic

    Sardonic Fapstronaut

    This post really resonated with me. I've seen people make similar threads on this subject... Hell, I could see myself making a thread like this. "I'm a 30 year old virgin, should I just go to an escort" something like that, but if it doesn't sit right in your mind don't do it. I'm on the fence on the subject but I have a horrible feeling that if this was an option for me I would jump at it and regret it afterwards, which says everything really.
  7. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    That is INSANE money to spend on any single escort session, especially in one of those cheesey Nevada brothels. (Where I am, that would buy you 20 sessions with very beautiful escorts, willing to do very beautiful things, in very swanky hotels. And that's with it being illegal here!) I'm so glad you didn't do it for that reason alone.

    I'm thrilled that you found your way to real love (not just sex) the real way. I've been with escorts - they range from moderately friendly to utterly horrible people, like the bitch you were going to be with, or even worse. Congratulations!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. Vandermeer

    Vandermeer Fapstronaut

    Reads like you spoiled the lunch of a Lamia just right before it was too late.

    That´s a foolishness always repeating itself. With beginning of their thirties people feel old, because not being part of the youth anymore; start of forties because of midlifecrisis; beginning of fifties, well, we all really get older and physicial symptoms start to show up more and more; and reaching sixties finally people could start to relax, but then they hope and worrying rather about reaching the seventies and further.
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2018
  9. the phantom pain

    the phantom pain Fapstronaut

    Thinking about it my body is craving a hookup. something with no strings attached. But I would like to find a girl that I love and can have a beautiful relationship with. Reasons for these mixed feelings towards this and porn is partly because I’m home during varsity vacation meaning I tend to be more alone with my thoughts. I know most would say get outdoors active and change your lifestyle but it’s winter I’m not a social guy at all so I’m unsure how I’m getting better by torturing myself
  10. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    Maybe you see virginity as something bad, poor, but I see it as valuable and rich.
    You only can loose it once.
    My advice: don't spoil it on a paid escort.
    You better wait for a special girl that is coming on your path, you can build a longstanding relationship with.
    I'm afraid you will gonna regret it, when you gonna use an escort.

    Wish you wisdom and peace.
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2018
    MadJackMcMad and FormerFapaholic like this.
  11. johnkite99

    johnkite99 Fapstronaut

    If you can morally do it, then yes.
    You are not hurting anyone else.
  12. the phantom pain

    the phantom pain Fapstronaut

    No girlfriend and no one interested in me so I don’t think I’ll be hurting anyone
  13. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    You better start working on the issues that are sounding in these sentence.
    Having sex with a total stranger will not solve that issues.
    Why not first do the 90 days challenge? First get rid of your porn addiction.
    Sex is not a solution. Never.
    Bubbles, Deleted Account and Arc12 like this.
  14. the phantom pain

    the phantom pain Fapstronaut

    I’ve been trying to rework relationships. I have no idea how to start relationships by text
  15. Hey Phantom Pain,

    I've found sex is an exchange, you exchange a lot with the other person. I think it's really important to think a bit about it. It's not just bodies coming into contact and that's it.

    Better go step by step with someone you really care for and who cares for you and who hasn't been with who knows how many people before you who have paid to use that body.

    My friendly advise is to see how you really feel about it inside yourself, not even how your mind will reason or your urge will demand, but how you feel about it.

    Being a virgin is not a crime and is not a bad thing (regardless of how it is portrayed nowadays). To me it seems more reasonable to try fix any issues and addictions. Once you are in order you can find happiness and meet someone who is right. Of course that is the more difficult path, but anyone can do easy. I think it's worth to at least try the difficult one and see how far we can go.

    Hope you'll take the right decision for you.

    All the best,
  16. Ash22

    Ash22 Fapstronaut

    I lost my Vs to an escort, and have continued to use them for years with little to no regret.

    Ultimately, it is your choice to make. The question is, are you morally comfortable with it?
  17. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

    I was doing my 4th step (one of the 12 steps in SAA about taking a moral inventory of myself) and the person I hurt the most and had the most writing about is myself.

    Remember m, hurting yourself, going against your own beliefs, treating yourself like trash is one of the worst things you can do in life.

    Now, I’m not saying going to an escort will harm you, emotionally or physically, but you better be sure your sexual actions are in line with your beliefs otherwise 10 years from now you will be deep into it, wondering how you got there, wishing it was different.
  18. Arc12

    Arc12 Fapstronaut

    The problem with the urges is that it never tells you the end product of your actions. Try not to indulge on those thoughts. Escorts are very powerful in public dealings and can control you in many different ways. Just Don't DO it !!
    Bubbles, Deleted Account and Roady like this.
  19. Simpli_AK

    Simpli_AK New Fapstronaut

    Hey man,

    First of all, I'm exactly in the same position as you, 21 and never kissed a girl, let alone lost my virginity. The choice is yours to make, however, I wouldn't want my first time to be with someone who won't have that physical and emotional connectional with me, as well as just having to pay a hell of a load of money for a total stranger. As you're also 18 days into your streak, you may still have a while to go until no longer feel the effects of PMO addiction. Therefore, perhaps you should wait a bit, improve on yourself, physically and mentally, then the right one for you should come along.
  20. Isuperman

    Isuperman Fapstronaut

    What is 12 step program?

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