Should I see an escort?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by the phantom pain, Jun 29, 2018.

  1. _Xavier_

    _Xavier_ Fapstronaut

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    Paying for sex will reinforce your need to pay someone for sex. Or bring something else to the table besides yourself. In reality there are 3.5 billion women in the world and one is most likely prepared to have a sexual relationship with you.

    I don't recommend reinforcing your feelings of low self-worth. It is the exact opposite of what will help you naturally find a woman.

    I'm halfway through a book today that has a lot of information on the roots of sexual/relationship/intimacy dysfunction and its roots in your experiences in childhood. I recommend it so far. I haven't got to the "healing" part yet. Hopefully tomorrow i'll be finished!

    "Healing the Shame That Binds You" by John Bradshaw
     
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  2. Bubbles

    Bubbles Fapstronaut

    If you keep thinking like that, yeah. That is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You're probably more hung up on your height and glasses than most women worth dating. If they're that hung up then you don't need that crap in your life.

    Hoping to encourage here.
     
  3. _Xavier_

    _Xavier_ Fapstronaut

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    I find that some women like a man that can fuckin mentally ward off social stigmas of being short or not "hip" or whatever. I'm not much taller than you and I've had tall women that were into me. I had a friend that was your hight and he had women that were into him that were pretty gorgeous. Basically he had two sex partners. And this is a podcast for you. You share a common "problem" with the guy calling into the show. Which I think you can turn into an advantage - tall/handsome guys often enough rely on their looks too much - any random sway of life can toss them on their ass and you can stride past with a woman you like because you achieved real confidence which is internally driven.

    There are a couple books a recommend. The first of which is called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck in which he has a story of a friend that was born with the genetics of being short. It will help you to look at it a different way. You are currently valuing height. Unfortunately height doesn't buy happiness.

    The next is called Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw. This book will help you poke holes at your repressed shame about your height. It no doubt comes from events in your life whether societal bullshit puked out of TV commercials or shaming events where you were humiliated.

    -corrected title of the book above-

    There is no need to give up on yourself because of a physical characteristic. It does not define you. You are allowed to exist as you in your physical space without any shame or regret whatsoever.
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2018
  4. As an added bonus you get to experiment and they don’t really care that much. Perfect if you are trying to figure out which condoms work best for ED. Too complicated trying to explain it to a girlfriend. Sometimes easier to practice before you do it for real. Depends on the person though.
     
  5. I believe this line of thinking is is a big part of what is wrong with the idea of seeing an escort. It allows one to see an escort as a piece of meat rather than a human being. I am really surprised to see so many responses in favor of seeing escorts on a site that is intended to help those who are battling SA. Seeing an escort is not going to help anyone with SA, it will keep you in the world of fantasy and hinder oneself from seeking real, meaningful relationships.
     
  6. I think in some circumstances it’s acceptable. When you have severe social anxiety meeting people is very complex. A normal person could easily find themselves in a sexual situation. Whereas someone with social anxiety can try for months, years or even a lifetime and never experience what it’s like to get sexual with someone. The longer you wait the harder it gets. Some people might see it as cheating but honestly if you have tried everything and you are getting no results what are you going to do? Going back to the porn is not an option. You can keep waiting for that moment to happen when you meet someone unexpectedly.

    However anyone who has social anxiety will know that even if it is the right moment you could be oblivious to it because you are in your head. Or something else is stopping you. So the only option left is escorts or just do nothing and go crazy with frustration until one day you break. You relapse your back watching porn and binging again... Happens too often on here. Escorts are the lesser of two evils. Better a real person than a virtual one on a screen that does more mental and physical damage in my opinion.

    I see it as one path to get yourself away from the porn and towards a relationship. Because most people can only think about having sex with girls. It creates a mental block. You put them on pedestals. So you become socially awkward and you can’t communicate with them. This prevents you from going on that natural path. A conversation, exchanging numbers, dating, sex. They never get passed the conversation. Most never even have a conversation.

    So with escorts you just skip ahead and get the experience you crave. Then you see that sex is not that big of a deal. So now you don’t objectify girls as much. And you have overcome one of your biggest fears which has given you the proof that you needed. You can meet girls. Speaking from experience worked for me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 17, 2018
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  7. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    I think back reading about what I wrote about myself after 1 day of abstaining, why the f*ck would I ever discourage myself by thinking that way? I have a great personality and I am a good person, it does not matter if I'm 5'5 or a virgin or wear glasses. I'm capable of being a better person today than I was yesterday, and an even better person tomorrow than I am today. I've come to the realization that the biggest thing that needs to change for me besides my career path/women game/bitterness of the past is my mindset... Bro I recommend to you guys on here that you change your minds. There is nothing wrong with seeing an escort, but never put yourself down to the point where you feel guilty about doing it. Just do it and get on with your life. Stay strong my brothers
     

  8. I understand the social anxiety side of this all....I have it myself and that, along with many other circumstances took me for a long dark ride into the world of strip clubs, AMPs, and Es. Once you start it is not that easy to stop....very similar to P.
    Social anxiety can be treated with medication which I currently take which helps you get out of your head and controls your irrational thoughts.

    By seeing an escort you are not really overcoming a fear because none of it is real. It is a business transaction so you see the escort, have sex and then go back out to the real world but nothing has changed. Yes, you had sex, but was it real? You are back to square one with going out having to meet people with the social anxiety. To me it is the same as PMO except you are actually taking it a step further and engaging in the same fantasy with an actual women who only wants your money, and could very well have an STD. If you are already prone to SA you are in jeopardy of replacing P with Es and now you are back into the addiction.

    I have struggled with all of this and I know this is not the way. Abstaining from PMO, exercise, meditation, proper diet, and medication will all help with social anxiety. It just takes some time and changes need to be made but it is very doable.
     
  9. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Look I want to agree with u too in some way, but for some one that really want to know what a woman feel like for the first time, it's harder than you think when you are a virgin. You and I can preach and share with others what is truely right, but you and I are no virgins. Sometimes people just need to fall and pick themselves up. I feel like the best lesson is to learn from your own mistake. And some escorts are very good people to talk to as long as you are respectful. Think of it more like a friend with benefits. I can agree it is the lesser of two evil. As long as your mind set is right and truely just to want to know what sex is like, escort can really boost your personal ego. Sex with woman really give man an ego boost I think, escort or not.
     
  10. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    going to an escort for sexual experience is probably the worst thing you can do just my opinion it would be better just to own your sexual inexperience and finding someone who doesn’t care than using a women who sells her body as means to an end there is no love or intimacy so I don’t see how that can help it’s like playing 2k and thinking it would help you on the basketball court just my opinion
     
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  11. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    LOL I love that analogy, I realized it all depends on the nature of what I want in the long run. I don't want to look back in 5 years and think "crap, if I had just waited a few months more I would've had real sex with a real girl" instead of, "I'm glad I was able to man up and deal with the reality of my life and actually got laid and felt great" Food for thought.
     
  12. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    That’s your choice to make bro but I don’t equate getting laid to being a man any person is capable of getting laid and still there problems persist I just hope you don’t regret it and heed people’s advice before doing so
     
  13. RndyBm

    RndyBm Fapstronaut
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  14. gunslinger215

    gunslinger215 Fapstronaut

  15. BarefootWalkabout

    BarefootWalkabout Fapstronaut

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    Don't do it. That said I'm not judging. Two good mates of mine lost their virginity that way, they're not escort addicts and are men with heart. Men I respect and whose opinion I value highly. They're also not Porn addicted.
    But my advice is don't do it. Instead:
    Man up, get a nice streak going, start working out, fix your sleep, eat healthy. Take care of yourself like you would take care of your dog. Then fast, go off into nature fasting by yourself, figure out your purpose, get a vision of what you want in Life. What is worth dying for. And you're getting laid in no time. But at that point, it's just a byproduct, it doesn't matter, because you;re a man with vision, with purpose, with Meaning!
     
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  16. userSCP

    userSCP Fapstronaut

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    I have the urge to see one now. I’m in NYC and there are some great options.... ugh, I crave that release so bad!!!
     
  17. The urge to "release" is extremely powerful which is why the escort option is so appealing to people. This is how i see it ranked by difficulty in my opinion.

    PMO: Super easy but has short term and long term consequences as we all know. And its all virtual the experience is not real.
    Escorts: Medium difficulty depending on where you live and how much money you have they are not hard to find. It satisfies your urge to "release" and she is a real girl but she's not your real girlfriend only a substitute.
    Girlfriend: Hard difficulty it is the holy grail and what most of us desire on here. However meeting and connecting with people requires a lot of time, effort, luck and there are many other factors to take into consideration. Health, appearance, anxiety etc... we all know what it is...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2019
  18. Urges build up when you fantasize. Don't fantasize and you won't have urges.
    Keep your thoughts clean.
     
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  19. It was meant to be sarcastic of course i don't put women on pedestals. What i mean is that it is what most people are looking for that is why they are rebooting in the first place. To get rid of the porn and to go out there and meet people. It is the light at the end of the tunnel what they have been working towards. That proof that they have successfully changed their life around and now they are in a relationship. They can leave PMO in the past.
     
  20. userSCP

    userSCP Fapstronaut

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    I broke in guys. I was feeling really horny. Stronger than I have in years.

    I got a massage and full service in Koreatown. I know the place, and I'm not an amateur with escorts/AMPs. I know how to cater my own experience. I chose this parlor because the girls stay with you for the full hour (no pressure), you get a decent massage, you get bathed, etc. I don't like regular incall/outcall due to the cum-and-youre-done bullshit, especially when they charge you for the time] Overall, I had a good time with a young girl who was into me. I even came twice, and made sure to cuddle a bit too at the end. It was a great opportunity to live in the moment, something PMO has been strangling me of. Still, nowhere close to real, carnal, unprotected sex with someone you trust.

    I don't think I regret my choice to seek paid companionship during my reboot, and I don't feel shame (at least for now). But, I think my life circumstances make it easier to justify my choice. I would 100% regret opening up a Tube-site and PMOing, I might even vomit (I have a strong "why" to quit P). I'm 27, single, and I don't have regular ED, nor do I do suffer from PIED: my problems are DGS (moderate), and PMO binging (with secondary depression/anxiety/anhedonia/agoraphobia). I'm not going to reset my counter either, but I'll switch to easy mode (with stricter rationing of Os [and only with real humans]). I'm also not going to pay for sex for a while. I limit myself to once a month, or once every two. That's been my norm for a while, and I can comfortably afford that. I should also mention, I already know my spot(s), so I don't have to go searching through webpages to find them. I can see the "internet searching" for paid-sex leading to a relapse, for sure.

    I'm grateful for all the info and research done here and on Reddit. The most common trend I noticed was people succumbing to the chaser effect after having paid-sex. I'll be extra considerate, but it has been over 36hrs, and I am fine; there is no change in my urges.

    I completely understand how using this service can possibly be detrimental to some people, potentially leading to a relapse. Please, please, please read my post with a grain of salt. Obviously, don't cheat on a relationship. I wouldn't experiment with this if you are a virgin who is rebooting, or someone who hasn't frequented prostitutes. PIED guys, forget it, wait for your 90 days at least, it's worth it.

    So we will see... I am still definitely seeking out a "real" girl. It's funny though, the more I look, the more I realize how women have their own set of issues and mind-fucks. Not watching porn and MOing 5x times, has done wonders for my mood in the last two weeks.
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2019
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