Should I take a break with girl friend?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by j_newme, Nov 6, 2017.

  1. j_newme

    j_newme Fapstronaut

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    I have constantly been struggling with no pmo. I dont see a success anywhere in sight. I know its wrong but I somewhat blame my girl friend who is amazing and supportive of me. I just get too caught up in my own head thinking about her and sex and I drive myself crazy. I feel as though being with her brings about these feelings of sexual confusion. Sex with her is great (kinda). I say kinda because I think that my sexual pleasure is way below hers during sex since my brain is so messed up from porn. Then I start thinking Im jealous of her and then I get anxious and BOOM, PMO. No progress, just backward steps. I know she has done literally nothing wrong. Anyways, the bottom line is, should I take a break from her. I dont want to break up, but I also want to stop thinking in this manner.
     
  2. Stormrage

    Stormrage Fapstronaut

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    I dont see a reason for you to break up with her. Although i understand why that comes to mind. Its to easier way out I guess. The best thing for you to do is talk to her about it. Tell her whats on your mind, tell her what you dont like and how it triggers you. Tell her what you really need, ask for her investment. If none of that will work, you can always have a break (up).

    I wouldnt throw away anything if it isnt broken..
     
  3. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    I agree that breaking up isn't going to solve anything, rather have you communicated these feelings with her? Is she aware that you are feeling this way? Maybe if you guys talked about this you guys could come up with a plan together on how to tackle this particular aspect of the relationship.
     
  4. j_newme

    j_newme Fapstronaut

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    I completely agree that I need to communicate with her exactly what I feel. That is why we are actually on a "break" right now. I am going to take this next week to truly test myself to improve my No PMO, way of thinking. and hopefully improve my depression.
     
    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 likes this.
  5. Plutonium

    Plutonium Fapstronaut

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    You don't mention how long the two of you have been together so it is difficult to answer.

    If only a short time then I'd say have a break. This is not fair on her - and you really need to sort this out yourself. She will most likely not be able to help you. Once better you can always pick up where you left off afterwards.

    If a long time, and you've both invested a lot into your relationship then my advice would be to try to navigate and solve this problem inside the relationship. Again imho it is a problem you must solve yourself. Don't try to delegate or pass on any of the problem to others to solve - own it, and take care of it.
     
  6. j_newme

    j_newme Fapstronaut

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    We have been together for about a year. I have been stupid and I have communicated to her about this but at the same time I have been very distant and depressed lately. Yesterday I met up with her to go on a walk on our college campus. I came depressed and selfishly just wanted her to feel the same way. I hate it, but I honestly get annoyed how she is always in a good mood and laughing all the time. I feel like I rarely laugh and she got so mad at me for being liek this she almost broke up with me. We are on a "no contact" break until Friday and it sucks. However this is a great opportunity for me to actually start NoFap and try and improve my mood. The thing that hurt me the most is when she said "You are not even fun to date anymore." I can't even blame her because it is true. For the past few weeks I just have not been happy around her. Its due to my depression, over thinking everything, and above all constantly comparing myself to her and thinking that she is so much better than me. This way of thinking has turned me into something I am not. I don't feel like I am being myself around her because I am hyper aware of everything she does and everything I do. I am always trying to be better and it is so unhealthy. I know that I still love her and that I need to just relax. I just hope that she still loves me.
     
  7. Zippal

    Zippal Fapstronaut

    Oh man oh man, I completely understands you, I had it same. You already know the solution but you do not thrust to it, ask you self now: "If she do not love you why she will be still in relations ship with you when you are simply sucking the happiness from her??!" You just need to hear it every day to be sure that she still love you, but love it is not what you are looking for you just want to own her.

    I may be wrong but it sound like my problem what I had and what costs me a lost of wonderful person that I terribly hurt. Do not break up with her, be honest to her and your self, tell her, tell her everything, all the feelings, if she is the one, she will be still with you and she will be you best support and strongest weapon to beat this addiction. You know what is your problem (PMO) you realized it, do not waste your relation ship because of it! Do not make a same mistake as I did, you can learn from my here:

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/finally-honest.139901/
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2017
    Jennica likes this.

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