Should I tell her before it gets serious?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by pixels, Mar 15, 2019.

  1. pixels

    pixels Fapstronaut

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    Hey, guys!

    A brief background story:

    I started my addiction to PMO at the age of 12. I am now 23 years old. I didnt try to stop this behaviour until I got caught during my marriage. This was approximately 18 months ago. When we divorced I slipped with PMO during two occasions and masturbated once.

    To make things clear, I am religious and some things might sound strange to some. I am currently speaking with a girl with the intention of marrying her. We have a small distance between eachothers so we haven’t met, we have only been speaking on phone and videocall. To actually meet her I need to meet her with one of her male relatives. So, in that case it will be very serious between us. My dilemma is whether or not to tell her about my addiction beforehand. I am honesly afraid that it will make her not wanting to continue. I am very fond of her. I dont know if I should tell her before it get serious when we involve her family or after it gets serious. The first alternative seems most fair but she doesnt really know me at this point so it might make her enlarge the whole situation with my addiction since she is probably not aware of its existence. The second alternative may make it the whole thing more difficult for her if it turns out that she doesnt want to live with someone with this problem after involving her family, but that alternative seems very egoistic... I feel very splitted.

    What is your guys take on this?
     
  2. MakeLove

    MakeLove Fapstronaut

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    She doesn't need to know, I understand the feeling like you need to be open and express everything to her but you don't. Just keep plowing ahead, you got this.
     
  3. BravelyKegger

    BravelyKegger Fapstronaut

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    you have not met but intend to marry?, that does not sound logical.
     
    Capt. U likes this.
  4. pixels

    pixels Fapstronaut

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    This is not what my post is about. But since you asked I'll try to elaborate.

    As I said, this is due to religious manners. Whereas when a woman and a man interacts with the purpose to develop a intimate relationship the intention is marriage from the beginning even if they have not met, since sexual intercourse before marriage does not exist. This outcome is not obilgatory of course, either parties can choose to cancel the process, according to legitimate reasons, for example if they don't find the opposite partner match their preferences. This may or may not sound logical to you, but it does not have to because this is according to my personal belief and I want to do it this way.
     
  5. pixels

    pixels Fapstronaut

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    I just feel that honesty goes a long way because this will come out sooner or later.
     
    MakeLove likes this.
  6. Renewed_soul

    Renewed_soul Fapstronaut

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    You owe it to her to tell her the truth and let her decide for herself. I suppose you're a Muslim ?
     
  7. BravelyKegger

    BravelyKegger Fapstronaut

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    oh gotcha i understand now.
     
  8. MakeLove

    MakeLove Fapstronaut

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    Fair enough, honesty is always the way to go. I think you had a good point about not mentioning it too soon, like before you meet each other.
     
  9. pixels

    pixels Fapstronaut

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    You’re right. I did tell her yesterday actually. Tried to be calm and just get to the point without B/S. I thought she would dislike me and get disgusted somehow, since she has been religious from birth and I haven’t. To my suprise she was very understanding, she had some basic questions and we talked about it and I informed her how much of a struggle it really is to people etc. And yes, I am a muslim.
     
  10. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    I see only 30 days on your counter.
    My advice (the way I did it):
    Stop having such intimate contacts with women.
    FIRST solve your own issues. Face your pain, grow out of your addiction.
    Then, you can SHOW your life to a woman when the time comes.
    It's now too risky for you if you tell her about your addiction. Because, you are still addicted.
    Would you like to marry an alcoholic or drugs addicted girl? Of course not, she would have huge issues and the relationship will suffer from that quite heavily.

    First things first. That's my way to do it. Don't mess up your life even more.
     
  11. Renewed_soul

    Renewed_soul Fapstronaut

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    I'm happy for you bro. You did the right thing. And if she sticks by your side, you know you have a great lady to be with. One who will not leave you when challenges arise. Btw, I'm also Muslim
     
  12. pixels

    pixels Fapstronaut

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    I understand your viewpoint. As I wrote. I dont really count my slips as a relapse, but it became a counter reset. I dont quite understand what you mean with intimate contacts with women. If you mean sleeping with them, I dont do that outside of marriage. And I do not even touch women, because of my beliefs. I undestand you though, thank you for sharing your thoughts.
     
    Renewed_soul and Roady like this.
  13. pixels

    pixels Fapstronaut

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    Ma shaa Allah. Assalamu aleykum akhi. Nice to see a fellow muslim brother here aswell.
     
    Renewed_soul likes this.
  14. Renewed_soul

    Renewed_soul Fapstronaut

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    Wa alaikum salaam bro. We're in this fight together
     

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