Should I tell her first?

Yes, they deserve to know and have a choice before they commit and find out later. It will save everyone involved a huge amount of pain.

 

you should be honest about it. dont do the same mistake i have done. hiding it from my ex wife until the bad things happened.

 

I WISH my man came clean to me. I asked over and over if he had a problem with porn and it was always denied.

This left me believing he was not attracted to me. Wondering if I was too fat, at one point I looked into plastic surgery thinking I should get some work done so he’d want me. My self esteem was destroyed because of his addiction. When it came to DDAY I was beyond angry. Not because of the porn itself... but because of the lies. Porn was his mistress. He waited for me to leave for work in the mornings and would PMO leaving no energy left to be with me sexually. Why would he want me? I’m in my 30s my body has changed after motherhood. Why would he want this when he could use me for companionship and have his gorgeous mistress when I’m gone.

Had he told me from the beginning it would have spared me a lot of hurt. It also would have made me trust him and have more respect for him.

 

You wouldn’t be putting someone in that position if you are honest from the beginning.
They wouldn’t be thinking they aren’t good enough because they will know you have an addiction.

When a SO doesn’t know about the problem they automatically assume its their fault.

Best way I can try an explain to a man... as a woman we are taught that our looks matter a lot. We are also taught that a hard penis means he’s attracted to you. Imagine if women came with little doors down below that only open if she’s attracted to you. You start seeing this woman and at first everything is okay, the little doors open and she’s not into her PMO addiction because she’s got you, and the newness is exciting enough to keep her away from PMO. A year or so later when you’re both in love but the newness wears off she goes back to her PMO addiction. She’s gotten so used to seeing gorgeous men with 6pacs her brain finds you to be basic, not nearly as sexy as the men in P so those doors keep staying shut and nothing you can do will open them. You buy new clothes to try and win her attraction, start working out, change your hair, buy a new cologne... but nothing works. You ask her if she’s attracted to you and she says of course she is and that she loves you. Now you’re self esteem is starting to become shattered. Why won’t those little doors open for you?

Now... imagine she told you from the beginning that she is suffering from a PMO addiction and sometimes those little doors have difficulty opening. She reassurs you that it isn’t you- it’s a problem with her and she is working on fixing her brain...Your self esteem won’t be hurt because she was honest from the start. If she is honest with you about slip ups it might sting but you’ll have an easier time understanding it’s an addiction and you are willing to help her through it.