Should i tell my future wife?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by fools’end, Aug 12, 2019.

  1. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    Yeah but then you never can love fully either. Truth is I wouldn’t want to be trying to establish a life relationship these days. The society is so shallow and self centered. But seriously I do hope you find the someone who you’d give your life to see happy.
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  2. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

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    Good question.
    I think it is ok not to tell her every single detail about your life before her ( as long as it doesn't interfer with the relationship)
    My philosophy is : the past is yours and the future is ours.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2019
  3. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    I’d argue one night stands are equivalent to “free escorts...”

    Paying for drinks and dinner with the expectation to have sex is (arguably ) how they accept payment.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2019
    Di.Do.555 likes this.
  4. Ajikan

    Ajikan Fapstronaut

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    Lying won't fix anything. If you want a meaningful relationship, you have to tell her.
     
  5. Sharksvv

    Sharksvv Fapstronaut

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    Telling her that kind of information could very well result in a divorce. Sometimes it’s better to not say anything, if you know it’s something that you’ll never do again and that it was a mistake you don’t need to tell her. Btw it if you’re going to tell her do it BEFORE you marry her.

    So you feel guilty about it obviously, that’s something for you to deal with, telling your future wife will hurt her and make her feel terrible.
     
  6. Tatendrang

    Tatendrang Fapstronaut

    What do you expect to gain from telling her? She's either going to be upset or lose respect for you, maybe even to a fatal degree.

    If you think that by revealing it you'll mitigate damage, you're wrong. Besides the obvious fact that she has no way of finding out with whom you've slept anyway, people often tend to be more willing to forgive you if they caught you rather than if you admitted your sins voluntarily. It's a bit of a paradox but that's what I've observed.

    Keeping secrets is often necessary for smooth running of relationships. You can be sure she won't be telling you everything either.
     
  7. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    But don’t you think they both should at least agree before marriage or a committed relationship that they are untitled to those secrets?
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  8. verbeek75

    verbeek75 Fapstronaut

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    Wondering more why would she ask, dated several girls never been asked that. The question that they might ask is how many girls I have been with, of course they will get the same questions back how many man they have been with. So most women don't really ask as they can expect the same question back.

    Also what do you consider paid sex, I have gone to bars, meet a girl spend money on coctails/food for her then go to the bathroom with her for a quicky or a hotel room for an hour or more. Even your future wife might have done that, so what? Don't ask it's in the past.
    If really needed, just say, met girl(s) paid some drinks and had a quicky/one night stand, basically you then only lied about the drinks.

    If she is really openminded and your relationship is really strong, best is to tell her the truth of course, it's something in the past anyway, nothing to do with now or the future.

    If you wish to be fully open, no secrets, it must come from both sides, be aware that she might also have some secrets too, so be ready to accept her secrets also.
     
  9. MisterDirection

    MisterDirection Fapstronaut

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    I just wonder if this is not all related to PMO anyway.

    So.e of the horror stories people have shared include revenge divorces and revenge cheating.

    I think the main problem here is the criteria that people start selecting each other with and then get married to each other with. In a true love relationship where Gods principles and guidance has supplied the 2 people with each other. None of this stuff matters. Honesty and total disclosure have happened before they are brought together.

    Relationships are not cars you drive to the lot and trade on a newer or better model.
     
  10. SKU_15

    SKU_15 Fapstronaut

    I don't understand how a lot of the responses here are essentially assumptions of how the future wife will respond.

    Seems to me, that when the time comes you are serious about a woman, and look forward to marrying her, it'll depend then...

    -Will you feel it in your heart to just be open and honest about it, or will it not be in your heart to do so?
    -Will she ask, will she not ask?
    -Will she be understanding or not?

    It all depends on the two of you, when the time comes. Whichever way it goes, you are gambling the good with the bad. But, I don't believe you'll know the answer to this question until the time comes. I'd say until then, you focus on your no PMO journey...
     
  11. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    And if you do answer the question you need to answer it the right way.
    So if you truly want her, and if you would be honest I would hold her and tell her and be sorry.
    Because if you joke and laugh or whatever that's like what the heck!!

    In general at least here in the U.S women here are a way different type then overseas. So idk her type but that will reflect a lot on how she would react to it.

    I think about this myself. Idk if I will find anyone for me. Sometimes I feel like i gave it up and God won't give me a woman bc of what I did and still do.
    I'm struggling with this problem. It's my main issue.

    A woman I used to talk to when I first knew her was like:
    She was like "I'm so genuine and what did I or have I done bc I'm like so perfect or whatnot." ( I dont know the verbatum words used)

    I told her i have been with prostitutes, it wasn't the right timing to have told her. The scene etc. Now her reaction was well weird. She like and I'm not kidding, she was turned on. She was ready to ...
    She was one in a million.
    Idk it was a weird the way we met in the first place. A lot of things are sort of jacked up. Stuff behind the scenes that day but I still love her.
    . But later on she wasn't the one for me. Although maybe one day something will change. She always will know and I am sure she doesn't see me the same bc of it.
     
    need4realchg likes this.

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